Christmas Past.

Well here we are,Christmas morning,i dont celebrate it anymore,Jesus died in October, and the Ancient Christians in Britain decided to Put Jesus Birth just after the shortest day, which is the 22nd of December this Side of the World! So trying to wipe out the Pagan Religions! Of course,sitting here i am remembering,Christmas past,sneaking downstairs in the late Sixties,desperate to find the transistor Radio i had been promised,only to creep silently back to bed to find out i had picked up a book!,i cudnt tell under the wrapping paper! The Christmas i dont dwell on of course is 1978...in that same house, whem my brother died.i may have told that story on here. I remember the disembodied Voice which said once"this is the last Christmas you will spend in this house" at the top of the stairs...the Devil is a Liar...many years later i am still here,and the Enemy and his Minions are Not welcome in this house! It has taken much Prayer,but all the Weirdness the Enemy tried in this house has Stopped,not because of me But the Lord has done this.Glory to God,always always..Praise Him!

Ghosting

I have finally had enough of a person,who calls me her 'friend'...yes i could list her unpleasant character,and of course its hard not to remember the nasty things she has said directly to me...Its VERY hard, and i have to ask God for help...and i have to remenber something that happened about ten or fifteen years ago,where God has shown me that the enemy can literally 'drop thoughts'into my mind,i was in a good mood, just getting on with my life,cooking in the kitchen at home,no particular thoughts about anything,and nothing connected to her when i started to feel really angry about her...and not even any specific thing she had done!..just full on fury? Yet another wonderful lesson from the Holy Spirit! I hope He will show me some more instances like this,and the woman?..,i reply politely when she texts...i dont want to 'Ghost' her, its happened to me and the effect on me was devastating,even Mike said i had lost my Confidence...maybe one of the last people that i was able to trust..as a friend.She also had mental illness, like Mike, sometimes i thought the Lord wanted me to minister to people like that, as so many came across my path...until i was told by someone with a personality disorder who was in Prison, that i was regarded,classed "a vulnerable person" by the Authorities...which felt insulting...not as unsettling as when they recomended a team of fire wardens come to my house to fire proof it..,the person with the personality disorder was in Prison for setting fire to his council flat!! Did God bring them into my life or was it just because of Mike, being mentally ill, and coming across them in hospital?..do co-incidences happen? , maybe to the world i was a vulnerable person, in charge of kids,and making unwise choices about who i allowed in my home?..yes i was that! but seeing it in the light of maybe being the only person in their lives who would show them some Christian Love? that could be my delusion, i may have been looking down on them as i did with the person who calls me her friend? But i do want to examine my motives for keeping in contact with such an unpleasant person for almost 30 years,obviously having been in two serious relationships with Abusers,maybe i was just expecting people to behave badly...its really our hormones that betray us as Women,i always tried to give people the benefit of the doubt,as a lesson i learnt from my Mum,(who really did not like other women,i.e her bithcy criticism of women newreaders,) so i think this might explain it. The hatred thoughts that were "dropped" into my mind, were about her, so maybe subconciously it was coming out in another way?..Its taken me a long time to get used to the fact that God knows my very thoughts..so to think the Enemy is able to manipulate my thoughts that way? not nice at all,one other weird thing around her,she said a few things,which i later brought up in conversation,(nasty things others had said,which she had completely forgotten she had told me,her son had said his wife couldnt cope with her house, as she is a hoarder), and.. he got married and didnt invite her,although he is in her life..but strangely his wife hardly ever sees her...a clever girl,i wish i knew that at that age!!..its these type of things, that made her feel sorry for her,she is manipulative, and draws me back when i have had enough..i always kept in contact with her,now i dont,,so have just had one text, which i have repiled to non commitally,not engaging with her but talking about other things, just answering her questions... She is a toxic person,who seems to take revenge on those in her life, who she needs,her family have to put up with it,I dont and can walk away, i do feel guilty about being patronising to her, feeling it was my Christian duty to keep in contact,so why am i shocked how she behaved,and tried to take advantage of me even more? Thank you Lord for the lesson learned, sorry it took 30 years!

a grey tail with WHITE TIP,,,....BYGONE AND Dna.....++

"Bygones" is a funny word....but if there is another person out there with almost similar D.N.A to me? its BYEGONES, WITH an apology....i dont know let me think about that1....so i have to keep going as long as i can before the battery dies, of course i do have some hints in the title so hopefully that should help... I wish i could be more subtle, but i am only a generation away from writing on a slate with a chalk in a little tiny school in wales, of course it could have been the same for my mum, but she would never admit it as her family had gone from riches to rags, and one of the family had invested their share of the local land owners dosh, gone to U.S with it and invested it in the Railways...Abe Harriman?...dont remember the first name really well but know the surname is correct....in fact one person with an american accent came looking for the family....and the person they were looking for said they werent any left round here! come back Harrimans ,all is forgiven, and bring back some dosh! Sitting on the bog with a white tipped tail peeping round the door! no privacy at all Dodgy D.N.A, may have won the battle but I have one the War....Bygones there? definitely.but of course its still raising its Ugly head now, but less and less all the time,so i have won ,the spoglets are being fed the truth a small drop at a time....of course they are certain ones will will take a bit longer but with the LORDS HELP JUSTICE WILL WIN THROUGH....AND IF ONE SPOGLET THE ELDEST, WANTS TO KNOW THE REALLY GORY STUFF I WILL TELL HIM, BUT THERE ARE SOMETHINGS a son doesnt need to know about their Mums life... of Course spoglet number 2,called me a Liar...which still rankles, i went back to the July interchange recently...because spoglet two had been rude to spog 1...".these are the messages i get"

Finding freedom first anniversary and victim blaming

Finding freedom first anniversary and victim blaming? Its 11 june 2022,the first anniversary of the monsters death, today I can't call him by his name, which is childish and petty of me, but that's life! Our new puppies,are my example of innocence, I look at them and think how could anyone hurt a little creature like them?..it's the persons choice, and I do feel pain from the animals that mistreated in this world, and I have pity on myself, on the old me, the one that went out into the world,was innocent and was used and abused by other people, some of them in pain..and some of them just plain nasty who enjoyed inflicting pain,. One of them is Bens dad, I am constantly angry with myself, but I'm not angry with him anymore! I'm friendly with him we share interests we chat about then, . I look at him and I think he doesn't even look like that person who did those bad things to me, and I know this is nonsense, he won't listen but I think me forgiving him has let the Lord change him no glory to me I need to God. Jon has changed Jon is actually nice!... it's true!. he's being a decent person he's got a nice girlfriend and he seems to have finally grown up but even that sounds like i am judging him "God is good! ALL the time God is good!" Miracles are everyday work for Him! I'm just overwhelmed with his love and care.Praise Him! All I am going to say about the Johnny Depp case is something that happened to me when I was at college, I was talking to one of the other women,younger than me she would be mid 20s, telling her about the mistreatment from the Monster,she said "oh that's terrible you should leave him that's not good"..later the monster popped in on his bike dropping something off for me, because he was good looking she completely changed and said who "He is nice you should stay with him!" Obviously Good looking men NEVER hit women!.,or hold a pair of sissors to my face saying he was going to cut it off,or try to strangle me when i was driving over a bridge with fast moving deep water underneath, with two small boys in the back....no NEVER do that! It's just unbelievable!..nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors, and even when you tell them, the "monster" turns on the charm,good looks,good acting...it's all turned around!! Johnny Depp's got all these fans who think he never does anything wrong, they know he drinks,they know he does drugs and of course it's "never possible as he could've hit" somebody!!, or one of his exes could have experienced the bad side of him?, and called him "jealous and possessive", but she's kept in the background, nobody talks about her! Then they bring on the big stars, Kate Moss, Vanessa Parody (she's got children with him so of course dependent on him,and not wanting their kids to know...) the "me too" movement has truly died, everyone says women should speak up...When it's reported no one is interested... I've been to the Police myself and reported it, but to be honest they'll do anything to get out of actually pursuing it,AND this was a female officer I spoke to!!.. I knew all that was needed to stop him was a visit from them, because he was scared of the Police..., (this was before 2012 when they changed the stalking Laws...) I hope its different now...but i doubt it....

Velocoraptors

Its a month today,its the 9th of June,and on the 9the of May they became ours!..its been a strange month, A few health problems threat of a few unpleasant , colorectal investigations, and finding out that I was severely anaemic, it's been hard work the puppies are very very hard work, and they just reminds me of the velociraptors from Jurassic Park, the movie. I have 14 cuts and scratches on both my arms, from teeth and from sharp nails. Today is also the day that we can take them out of the house for the first time since they had their immunisations, so we are doing that later, at the moment I'm trying to find the best way to do this causing the last the least stress! I have had a few disturbing dreams over the last week or so about Darren, the one last night was about me visiting him and then he disappeared I wouldn't come back here, I really don't know what God is trying to say to these dreams, another one I had was me trying to phone him a few days ago is when I had a dream and I was looking for his number on my phone and I couldn't find it,of course because Darren died, at first it scared me, and I thought God was sayingThat I would be seeing Darren soon,that I will die, but praise the Lord dreams don't always mean this I know that! I used to have a frequent dream over many years I can't remember how long,but I was in a new house and I always wanted to come back to this house this one I've lived in since 1985, I knew that meant that there are new changes coming in my life, and to be honest although I really did care about Darren why would he be featuring in my dreams? I cared a lot about and I still care about him!I know one day I'm going to meet him again,he talked often about heaven,he asked me to tell him about the times when the Lord gave me visions of being in heaven after my brother died, a week after to the day and almost the time I woke up I've had a few things to drink I was a bit drunk, but a lot of people would not condemn me for that because he had died, I dream that he I was on a long rolling plane and he came racing up on his bike my brother Mike that is and he was full of life and happy and he told me some of the things that would happen to me in my life, but I wasn't allowed to remember them when I got back or rather I woke up, but I know as these things happen I know that they were at Mike told me would happen and of course now I have another brother Mike in heaven maybe not quite as pleasant as good looking as my bloodbrother Mike but this one is an was a brother in the Lord I will also see him again but he won't be the same as he was on Earth, just like Darren is not the same God forgive me Howard, they'll be different they'll be healed Mike won't have mental illness I wonder what Mike would be like without it Darren wouldn't won't have Asperger's and I don't know who that Darren is and obviously Howard although it annoys me to say I am going to have to spend eternity with him but once on the law takes me home hopefully I will be forgiving and I will see it from his point of you I don't know.

The Watch

I am nursing a sick dog,Cody,he is near the end..They usually die in October,all the Yorkies did..its hard,i havent wanted to leave him for about 4 weeks,i have had to,but for as short a time as possible..its been really hard, for all of us really. I have been re thinking some freindships,it seems like its time to take a deep breath,and not spend time with people who really are toxic...i just feel its un christian to not put up with them,as if i could be a good influence on them which in itself is condescending!...its just one person really, who has featured a lot in this blog..but i have been remembering Mike too,and Darrenwho used to ring everyday,i didnt really know how much he meant to me when he was on earth,and compared to the toxic person,was so much nicer!! Comparing them is fruitless really, i dont think i am a good freind either! why dont i live and learn,why keep trying with people who are unpleasant...its just guilt,and not wanting the "hard words"..so i am a coward and just keep up the facade..a lie really...i am not good Christian at all! He has gone,quietly,just stopped breathing around 8 pm... We spent all day yesterday burying him,it took about three hours to dig the hole...it rained on and off,we took quite a few breaks...So today we had planned to go out mainly because we have been stuck inside for the best of four weeks, its Bens sports day today, i just dont have the energy to get up and get out, and get him up... I slept in my own bed last night which was also the first time in a month, the Puppies all wanted to come upstairs, maybe because it smells of death down there, Togo used to want to be downstairs,but last night Ben came in after being had been in bed for about a hour, and said he could hear one of them Whining,so i just left my door open,and Togo slept outside my room...it wasnt until the last two night that i used the day bed, to sleep, my legs were getting very cold and cramped when i was sleeping on the Chaise Longue...

Jungle gardening...

Its been a very busy stressful month/six weeks!...buti dont want to talk about any of that today...i have been clearing the garden, in preparation for more jungle type plants, i have always loved jungle type gardens on tv, and abroad, but never really thought i could do it! But i am now a bit better off finacially, its suddenly exploded this year, i bought two Magnolia trees, because i have always loved them, since i grew up with neigbours who had a lovely white one next door, in fact people used to stop to take photos of it, mine are dark pink and purple, planted near to a tree with lovely pink flowers at about the same time, i already had quite a few Jungle type garden plants anout three phoenix palms a trapycarpus which i planted about four years ago, so its exciting times for me,Ben is happy that his activities have started again, we havent been to the caravan recently, but are hoping to go soon God willing..i suppose it feels nice and homely to me because thats what i knew for the first five years of my life! NOW WORRIES ABOUT SNAILS OR SLUGS THERE! Elephants were the pests!

MYSONGNY, misogyny, thy name is PAUL,An old friends Reunion? I can't go too...Edith Laughing..

I Love the Blues Brothers Movie,i am listening to Aretha Franklins, "Respect", as a pre palatte cleanser....oh dear...is it working? 'just a little bit'....i am really trying not to be a reverse misogynist, and not think of my two daughters, my Sister and my now Five grand daughters...and the respect they should be treated with...i hope its just me and when the old generation i come from has gone, it will be over?.., i know men of my Fathers generation showed respect to women at least outwardly, so what has changed?..nothing really...is the world more Evil? Is it something all women have to put up with, the old, young,too fat,drug addicts...we are ALL Gods Children, and to me that really is the only saving Grace...God meant us all to live in the Garden Of Eden, where Eve was respected and treated well,just the Same as Adam...So is the World the way it is now her fault, because she took the Bite? is this the root of All the violence against women,and the low rate of prosecution of Rape.. Adam was there,watching her taking the bite!! Today i choose to be "Proud Mary"!!.., proud to be a daughter of Eve, i sometimes hated being female, but i would never give up the wonderful things of being a Mother,even Giving birth...I am glad God made me a Woman, its a blessing from him,yesterday my heart just melts when i hear Edith laughing, i know she will have a wonderful life. Germaine Greer, the writer said Women have no idea how much Men hate them...scary words

Dr Jekyll or Martin Hyde??.... "Do you know who' I am' ", and not in my backyard!

My Mum used to say my Dad used to think he was the great "I am", i never really knew what she meant until i read the bible, and its is Gods answer when someone asks His name...and of course i would never say that Martin Hyde is calling himself God, never ever!...persish the thought!...But he really does have the most unfortunate Surname!..and a really unfortunate attitude to the female officer.He is Doctor Jekyll when the Police MEN are talking to him,but we all know who he turns into when The female officer is talking to Him!! I have just watched the Video on You Tube of a police Stop of an Entitled person, called Martin Hyde,its WFLA News Channel 8, and at the moment has 8.3M views, the most i have ever seen! Given my history as a Survivor, i am really glad that i watched it 'cold'and didnt know any thing about the people involved,a Congressional candidate Martin Hyde is stopped by a Police Officer after he is seen texting and Speeding,its pretty shocking the complete lack of respect given to the Officer,the whole incident is caught on body cam....sadly the mans attitude was a lot like my Dads,when he thought he was in the 'right', but only to the extent that we used to have to wait while he yet again argued with someone, rolling our Eyes, he was never threatening,but the whole Male bruised Ego is familiar...and slightly ridiculous....until of course I get annoyed and then its not a fragile male Ego!!, i am completely Justified!!, mostly i feel sorry for Men who are the real ones controlled by their Hormones!... Actually there are not many men my age that i actually like,i know most of them have no respect for Women, even though they are the father of girls!! one in particular, Simon, is divorced, and the others who are single,(in fact Simon knows i am a born again Christian,but didnt stop him trying to talk about the size of his penis!!, AND after he had seen a photo of the Pastor in my bikers group, and Ex Hells Angel too!!, hes not really a Misogynist guy who enjoyshumiliating women...hes just really Brave!! says a lot, (Unf**kable white males), i do feel sorry for my old friend Mike, who was always in the "friends" Zone, with Women,and actually looked down on the one woman who liked him! She wasnt good enough apparently...which makes me think that he was really just scared of women!! Again we come back to Germaine Greers statement that "women really dont know how much Men hate them",Martin Hydes attitude to this female Police officer was hatred, a young female telling HIM what to do!! I just watched a Video clip of three people discussing "Has feminism gone too far"and the sole female,Kelly Jay Keen was constantly talked over, even when it was her turn to speak!at first she kept talking,and said "i couldnt hear what you said as i was talking", in the end she stopped trying to give her opinion, the man my age was the one talking aggressively over her, and she was mostly aggreeing with him!!... I have read a study which says it is the Tone of a womans Voice that is hard for Men to hear,literally the actual Voice,and i do agree to some extent,but i see and have Witnessed how intently men Listen to a woman they are attracted to! No problem there!!...having three adult sons helps me to keep a good balance, i know my Sons are good Men, and they would never hurt or Disrespect a Woman....and i see good Men in my extended family, my Sons In Law will protect my Daughters,my brother in Law is a good Man too, i dont know my Half Brother well, but i can see he is a Good man too,and I know my Brother Mike would have been a respectful Man.... So of course i am a Hypocrite,i believe Germaine Greer about the Men out there,but the men I care about are o.k?...So does toxic Masculinity Exist? Yes it does,faced with young male drivers anger when i am too slow crossing the road,the actual abuse shouted out of Cars, (which being slightly deaf i cant hear! I really need to take a Megaphone to give them a Cutting remark!..) A great teacher at Art School used to say that Testosterone was the greatest threat to Society, a wonderful inciteful thing for a man to say!!, then Ruined it by Kicking open a Door when the next class were being too noisy!!...

Pogue Mahone, "just a little Irish blessing Sir."

Pogue Mahone means "Kiss my Arse" in Irish,it always makes me laugh,it always reminds me of the Film, "Ryans daughter"and "The Quiet Man" where the Irish are ocuppied by the English Solders, and the little rebellions going on in the background, and the disrespect behind their backs...the most hilarious song i know was a song called "Shut Up A your face" by joe Dolce, it very funny! of course it reminded me of my mother,and my kids! Ben is talking more even to strangers, and i am pretty Gob smacked... and being me and sometimes big headed i think it must be me talking to him more!,but thinking back it is an answer to a Word of God my friend Pat said where she saw a 'picture' of him like everyone else, of course like the parents of all disabeld sons and daughters i worry what will happen to them when I am gone. Life is very good, i am really enjoying doing some paintings,and sorting the house out, although its a mess!, and a family member sat here and almost turned her nose up at it,(years ago),more than one actually,...one even thought it meant i was mentally hadicapped!! but who cares!!!, o.k i may be a bit of a hippy and not have grey walls and furniture, but i cant be anyone else, its me...I refuse to conform to other peoples standards!!! It is really nice to look back on here to my life in the past,it is strange though as i am getting more hits on here,usually a crop and then none which is fine too!! this is public! but i dont really expect anyone to be interested in reading what i say..so it is a bit weird when it is read...150 times!!.

Groundhog Day, or groundhog life?

I have been reading a post from December 2018, i really could have been written yesterday.. a lot of my posts are like that, hence the title, my bland life,or on a negative day, my crap life!...i am a bit annoyed about how insipid i am!!!...i was so glad that Joe had a Job and i suppose after what he had been through it was pretty amazing...grudgingly given as i am still really disappointed in Joe, and i know i should not say this but alarmed at how much he is like his Dad... I thought i could see good in him,especially as he seemed to want to follow God, i know the "God thing' has worked for me He has literally brought me through the worst times of my life, and then thinking that i am probably the most abused person in the world,but giving Glory to God for bringing me through actually doesnt help me to not go down the path to pity party..i remember saying to someone that my Brother had died on Christmas day, they were completely shock and frankly appalled! Just the tip of the Iceberg , i thought if only he knew about all the other stuff! I feel marvelously brave sometimes, 'just me and God, and Ben against the world, but i am not Brave...so today to disprove these thoughts i have put my bio on Gettr...and the address of this blog! only the third time recently that i have done shared it with anybody, yes its a public blog, but its really more of an online Diary...

Dads birthday today, and I have lived in this town since 1969!

My Dad was born in 1934,it is his birthday today,he died in 2015,and i have lived here since 20th of January 1969!...i would try to work out how long that is but everytime i do i get a different number!,(i have the maths ability of an 11 yr old, and degree level English, which was found when i was given an apptitude test in my early 20's.)

An inconvenient collection of cells, or planned and made by God?

I reluctantly tuned my digital t.v. into an 'old fashioned' radio channel,TWR, i was tuning it into have background noise, and God had to shout to get it into my thick head!!...Sigh!...i am sorry now,that i thought that, because God had planned to bless me through it! (i am quickly trying to get this down before i forget!) i was blessed by the guy talking, in a kind of 'word for the day"broadcast that, "You are exactly the right height for what God wants you to do", i may have bought into the worldly obsession with looks,and judging by first immpressions,and that we dont matter because we are all 'accidents'... its not really the "world" of course but straight from the very PIT OF HELL..sometimes recently i have felt like an old medieaval victim of Leprosy that had to go around with a sign saying Unclean, or women who had to carry round a "Red A'for Adulteress...because the way the world has been recently we have all looked at each other as sources of potential infection with the Virus. I know in my Mind that God planned and made me, and that he was there when the car i was in ages 3, fell off a Cliff,when molesters tried to abuse, and the times when they suceeded,i know God saved me, that he was the responsible Parent to me, and i have to repent of blaming my mother for some of this, and of course the 'world' would say yes 'she didnt protect you',so how do i 'honour' her then?' as the ten commandments say i should 'Honour my Mother', i am still working on that,and i will go into that further one day, as i dont want to get distracted from the main point of this! There is a big difference in believing with my concious mind that God planned me for every area in my life, to be a mother, and a Carer! its amazing,and i am so grateful that God is speaking through me everyday to help Ben grow as a Man, to use his voice, if only to me at the moment..But he has a voice,which people who should know better, his dr,have judged him as without understanding, because he chooses not to talk to people..

Occupation? "Urban terrorist/Supermodel"

I wish I was having a personality crisis, wondering who I am? Am I a daughter,Mum, Grandmother? An Evangelist? NO,it doesn’t matter who I believe I am!!...yesterday someone in Church felt that Psalm 31 was for someone in Church that morning,in it it says, your neighbours 'will hate you'..while I don’t actually like my Neighbours much, they don’t even hate me any more! And to be honest my one Neighbour has born again people on either side of him now! So his attitude to me has changed to the point where he actually spoke to me! I know terrorism is not anything to joke about,though, but sometimes my really disrespectful neighbours do bring out the Inner "redneck"...The Girlfriend of the lead singer of the doors, described herself as "ornamental" when asked by a reporter who she was! I hope she became a supermodel,shes hilarious!!

Delusions of Gangster?

Ben talks a lot about being brave, being a tough Guy, its important to him, but annoying when he doesnt want me to go out of the house alone! I told him its a thing God has put in Men to Protect their family...then we talked about Joe his brother,who like his Dad regard themselves as real tough guys, but actually dont rush to protect at all!!, talking Big!! talks a good fight!!,Years ago myself and the Kids and Jon were in the local park and some annoying guys were kicking a ball around and it was getting close to the kids, he wouldnt do anything,and when it eventualy hit Bens puschair, HIS kid,he looked the other way, i was furious and went up to one of the football players poked him in the chest,as high as i could reach! and told him off! Jons reaction was to say"i wasnt going to do anything because he was bigger than me"....and we had the same thing with Joe when he refused to do anything about a disturbed teenager who had been calling Ben names,"weird guy"i had already been to the house and told the kids Dad....i wanted to go back and talk to the Dad about what went on,but Joe wouldnt...I was frankly appalled,but it took a long time to sink in, and any respect i had for him started to go... a lot of his character reminded me of his Dad,a guy went after him,he didnt fight back,and his young girlfriend jumped on the guys back,with him just saying to the guy, "if thats as hard as you can punch i am sorry for you" A cutting remark to be sure!! I feel qiuite bad that i have underestimated Ben, a lot of people do, even his own Dr,"who said the understanding is just not there",he has average intelligence,(said his child pyschiatrist)the same as anyone else, but because he chooses very carefully who he will talk too! people think he cant talk!! I have recorded a conversation i have had with Ben and will play it for the dr next time we see him!! no lack of understanding there mate! Strangely too, i was sitting right next to Ben with this same dr (on the other side of him),the dr was trying to persuade him to have an Injection, Ben clearly said "No", but the Dr kept on at him,with no response, later we got a print out of the Outcome of the consultation where the dr said Ben "had consented"NO he didnt,of course i would not accuse a medical professional of Coerction,maybe it was just a misunderstanding? Ben is terrified of needles.

Alice ate the Ice cream,Willow is 6 today. 'a day in the life'

What am i concerned about today? i always like looking back on the what i did on an individual day, yesterday i made scrambled egg on toast after getting up at 5.am,we went out for lunch with Tashy,Edith and Alice,i went to the Doctors for my appointment with the mental health nurse, and found out i had been given the wrong day, i am going today! I went home and parked the car, then i remembered i hadnt posted Willows 6th birthday present,and i had forgotten to pick up the present Tash had brought for the girls!.. so i texted her, and she rang me and said she had gone to my doctors to catch me before i posted it...a car ran into the back of her car, and the the old lady who was the passenger shouted that tash was a scammer! we had left early to get to the appointment and Ben had to leave his strawberry Ice cream, which Alice ate!! Cody has been losing weight he had started at 60kg,in december 2021, he now weighs 47, and they want him to go down to 37kg.Yesterday he growled at Ben...which was upsetting,but the best thing, is we only have to go on one walk with the huskys now, and although Cody does pull me sometimes, i am actually enjoying taking them,which is new!!.,i do have painful shoulders everytime, from being pulled but the pain soon goes with a hot Pad!..so i am walking further, (well dragged sometimes)!!,which obviously is good for me,mainly because i am not writing myself off as too disabled!..it might all come down to a nasty end if i am injured to a worse extent...but i am less fearful which is good... I really dont like talking about my everyday life, it seems so boring and mundane!!....but its good to look back on and it does show how i am growing as a person with the Lords help!! God is good,All the time!!Praise Him.

BOJO,, the Clown, and the fury of the British, Lazy Lisa rides again!!

Our Prime minister has provoked almost RUDENESS from Us!!, it takes a lot, Fury is not a British Characteristic,speaking personally anyway, i am too lazy, and just think 'Karma' will get them in the end(,not of course that i actually believe in Karma), maybe it should "what goes around comes around"!!! being half Irish of course, i am not so mild as the average English person! i may have a scary temper, but have to be pushed a long way before i lose it! laziness again!....maybe another Irish positive?, really just picking my battles...Ben had been getting right into my face,for 25 years,flicking his fingers,it all stopped after i said "how dare you"so angy he was taken aback,he did try a few times again! but the fury from before told him to pull back! I have just been reading a post from december "Taming of the Shrew" 2012,so almost 10 years,i was saying how much i thought some of my kids were misunderstood and not bullies at all....and that Joe was really good with Ben! How things change!! and they both have a good dose of their Dad Jons 'wind up merchant', to put it politely, with typical British understatment!.. Sometimes its really hard to love the more unpleasant of my Children, its hard to see how disrespectful they are to others, and how gullible to lies,about me...but time has gone by, and why should i expect loyalty just for being their Mother?, sometimes they resented being brought up on Welfare, i understand that...but to have this air of entitlement?... One in particular, Joe thinks he is entitled,to money,and never grateful, if he doesnt get it, he steals it...from two severelly disabled people, (me and Ben), its really hard to have any Pride in him,so now i doubt everything i have ever thought about him,did he ever tell me the truth?, who is he really?...but i am not getting into the Enemys trap of a 'pity party'too many times,hopefully not again!!! Just because some of the people in my life treat me like i am worth nothing does not mean i am! it hurts, of course it does!! i am human!, but i know i am loved by the Creator of the Universe, who IS the very Embodiment of Pure Love!

Contents of our hearts, or the contents of out Wallets, and Elvis

I am a sinner, i dont go to church when i can, i "neglect the gathering together",so what gives me the right to judge? i dont have any right!!.,judgement belongs to God and He alone! A wonderful Christian i know believes we should always give money,"How will they survive and do Gods work if we dont"?... Bono said in one of his songs,"Bullet The Blue Sky" ....."i cant tell the difference between ABC news, Hillstreet bues, and on the old time Gospel hour,stealing money from the old and the sick,the God i believe in is not short of Cash, Mister" Elvis went to a 'church', and came away and said, they are just interested in money...it was a Scientology "church",a poll of Americans were asked what the thought about the Church, they said just interested in money.. I must have a critical spirit then! because i just had a british Praise station on, and the announcer said, "our regional director will be talking to you soon"...i got a sinking feeling,and immediately thought,hes going to ask for money,and he has!..and they think that if an important person in their organisation talks to us they can get more cash out of us...my Bible says God meets all our needs, so if someone sends out a begging letter does it mean that they dont belong to God, because they are not "living by faith" I dont know the truth,but that judgement of the Wife of a presenter on Christian T.V. is wearing a low cut shirt, showing more than i want to see,or her husband is wearing a Toupee,how Vain must they be?i also hear there has been some financial inconsistenties, so i turn to "wordly" T.V,i see bald men,attracive women who dont need to show their Breasts...maybe i am falling into the Enemies trap? In the end we all have to answer to God...

On the way back?

I am on the way back! I had to get really honest with the Lord,yesterday and repent of unforgiveness,so today i feel better, a lot better! Praise God...and yes i had to repent of despising my old believing self! ( I had been reading some of my old posts), and was shocked that i was such a good christian...'thanks goodness i am not that way anymore'.. i am ashamed to say...and one i have just realised i forgot is that i maybe blamed God for some of the really bad stuff that has happened to me?..(bad things happen to everybody)...God is good, all the time! Praise Him!!