Nipper

I should have been paying attention, its OCTOBER..., i was dreading it earlier on in the year, but it crept up without me thinking about it....its always the month that my dogs die, i was so relieved to get through last year. 

Nipper is ill, of course its just annoying because when i dread something bad going to happenit doesn’t it just like to creep up on me!, he hasn’t eaten anything for nearly two day now,he did drink some laps of water yesterday, and licked some butter off my finger,he has diarrhoea, now for two days..but just dribbles from his rear end,he wags his tail, sometimes,i have been reading back to when the others died and it doesn’t seem like there’s much difference here, he has got very skinny over the last month...His Pup Gizmo died in 2018,who was about 14, so he must be 15, not as old as Gizmos Mum, who was 17 and a half when she died, she had had a Mammory strip, because she had cancer,so only had two nipples left,but she survived, and fed her pup,nipper was just a Puppy of about 8 months when he got her pregnant, she had suckled him when he was very small too! But that’s dogs for you!!.. really hope he gets better,but looking back at how the others went it doesn’t look hopeful...weirdest thing is i miss him barking...which he always did when he wasn’t next to me or wanted something,...hated that barking, for the last few months he has started barking at night, when we went to the Caravan in August 14th, he barked at night and i had to sleep with my foot in his dog bed next to me to get any sleep!!

I need to go to the Caravan to close it up for the winter, but i cant really take him for a long journey when he is so ill and obviously its been getting worse for a week or so.....  

Nipper died tonight.

Ignorant of the Enemy, and His devices..

Well its happened the ex Howard, has succeeded in ruining my relationship with one daughter and almost with the other one, that’s as much as i am willing to say,I won’t gloryify the Enemy by baring my Soul, much as I want to!..
He (Howard) dropped a small bit of poison in their minds ten years ago, and since then it has been working away in there and of course that seed has now come to fruition
Solicitors cant help,police wont help, this man has and still is ruining every precious relationship in my life, except one, and of course i feel like i am holding onto that with my finger nails, but He is holding me in the palm of my hand, not letting me go,
Praise Him!

Of course its only been a month,and everyone’s pretty raw,i have been called a Liar,verbally abused,as always with this evil,from the Pit of the Enemies camp, i have apologised for any pain caused,to those who are affected,but I haven’t lied,i didnt cause the Pain.
Obviously, i am not going to continue to explain myself and certainly will not put up with any future verbal abuse.
I did the best i could in a traumatic situation, where i was Raped, abused,and shunned, but we all survived, and those people who are judging me Have no CLUE of  my journey
So its really up to them if they want me to be in their lives, i will hold my head up high, and walk proudly as a loved daughter of the most High God, Lord of Lords,.

Lockdown.

Well, here i am again,i am fed up with my Ipad, so i am back to my 12 year old laptop, its the first thing i ever went on to the internet with, it has a lovely full keyboard which is fast to type on and i can use nearly all my fingers to do that with, the ipad keyboard is just to small to do that comfortably!

It seems like life was so full of lockdown just a few weeks ago, I have been painting,some Abstract, and some pencil, one of my friends Grandad (from a 1980’s magazine photo), he was a well known Welsh Preacher,fire and brimstone type, called Maynard James,and another one I started of my Brother Mike,it was too emotional really to carry on with then, I suppose everyone was emotional through lockdown.
Mr James is photographed holding his Bible,there have been some stuff on social media about how to hold a Bible, Mr James holds it right by his heart.
If possible times have turned even worse, with the Mudrer of an innocent man in America, people are protesting/support marching all over the world, even in this Small county town, where hardly any People of Colour live,maybe 10,in a population of 80,000?
To be fair it has been whispered around that there was a concerted effort to keep them out,i was born in Africa, but to white people! But because I look “right” I am accepted...But my friend who is also white, but from Romania has suffered from Racism, and my local Chinese Restuarant, take away closed for Lockdown, and hasn’t opened again,I am pretty sure it was racist, as a worker from a local Chinese Take away, but not mine, was in court for abusing a cat...
It was said that it was my local one, but it wasn’t...Would that have happened if it had been a local Chippy... I doubt it...

Lockdown lessons,learning to Trust

Well here we are in lockdown, a partial one for now anyway,people are finding it really hard being with their families 24 hours a day, Tash says her dog has never had so many walks!!
I am trying to be a positive person, and to do that i have to stay away from media, i.e the news! There seems to just be the one thing in the news!!!
Of course that sounds really callous as there is so much suffering,but i cant think about that, because to me i know my life is in HIS hands, and not one bit of worrying will make any difference anyway!!
I spoke to someone yesterday who said ‘a lot of christians are scared ‘ as if that is a bad thing!!! That’s quite a harsh thing to say really, but that’s maybe how i feel now, i have worked through this and know my life is in Gods hands, H e decides when i live and die, not a vicious plan of the Enemy of my soul!
God has given so many people Psalm 91. Which helps and encourages me.
I am very alarmed that 16 women died in the first three weeks and 2 children,they are literally trapped in their houses with Monsters..its really worrying, but i expect they wont be counted in the daily count of people who have died from this Vile illness,but of course it didnt kill them, a human being made that choice, and God mourns with their families, the Parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, neighbours who have heard this happen.
I wonder about people I haven’t heard from, like the lovely dear Lady who runs the site, “Spiritual side of domestic Violence.
Maybe the only good thing to come out of this is that people have time to check on others, the Lady from my local church, who runs the coffe morning on tuesday faithfully rings all the people who attend every tuesday, at the time they would be there. The church i go to has been closed and not by the Government, and the Vicar is not allowed to cross the threshold..by order of the Church of England...not right at all,  my school friend Ruth asked her Father why all the butchers shops are open and churches are’nt...it doesn’t make sense?
We are not being all things to all men,this church was really a community hub..i wonder what will happen when lockdown is over?

Artemisia,Tassio and Jay

Artemesia was a very famous painter in mediaeval times,fearlessly which was unusual enough,she painted women very well,usually suffering women, a lot who were suffering at the hands of men, the hands of the men they trusted, and who should have protected them,
Jay was a young 20 year old marine just hanging aroundd a beach in his time off work, a beautiful specimen of manhood, who looked younger than his age, he says about 15,.both were eager and anxious to succeed in life and both came across the most vile,manipulative predators, ..
Unusually the woman got justice of a kind for her attack, Jay escaped, unknowingly for thirty years until he was researching on the internet, he found the Gay man who he spent the afternoon with, he he was entranced by, a man with no redeeeming features, described really as a troll in looks,many other young marines were not as lucky as Jay, he murderd them after drugging, and torturing them while they were still alive...
Artemisia was a young woman the only female in a family of males who was trained to paint by her father,who was also a painter,a friend of the family Tasso,then Raped her , and she took him to court.he did not let Tassis actions define her life,she went on to be successful and one of the major painters after Carravaggio.
I wondered why women stay with their abusers, before i became a battered woman myself, those outside cannot understand why successful women, intelligent women stay after the first punch, what sort of hold do these men have,to me its encapsulated in Jay Roberts story,’the Evil ‘which is just so attractive,promoting trust in the targets,.
If Evil shows its true face, without all the charm and manipulation, who would fall for it?

Aftermath

Well its just as well no one took me up on that bet, as he didnt turn up!!! But it didnt stop the whole thing from being ruined for me! But he would have known that because he knows me well!..
I have been developing some hobbies,houseplants is the main one, i have a very large Swiss cheese plant, monstera deliciousa, which I take outside every year for the summer, but it really is too big now, the leaves get damaged every time i bring it in or take it out!,but i spend a lot of time looking at this plant.it was a cutting off a plant my Mum had so it means a lot to me, also i grew it from a small piece of her old plant which was dying.
I have been sorting the house out as well which although a slow process is very cathartic,i hate throwing things away(my children would say i am a borderline hoarder) but it really does look better, my dining table has been a dumping ground for so long, Tash my daughter says we have all been really affected by the Girls being taken away, its upset all of my family,i feel as if i have been “stuck” as if time stopped.we all do.
The enemy has been trying to destroy my family, but he wont succeed, because the Lord is in charge of me and my families life , not the enemy!.It says in the Bible that God restores the years the locusts have eaten, not sure where in the Bible, but i am holding onto the promise of my Master, not the father of lies.
God is good...ALL THE TIME!