Thursday 25 January 2018

If someone tries to destroy you, they HAVE SOMETHING WRONG WITH THEM, not you.

I am really trying not to keep dwelling on the cruelty of the past without talking about it in a positive way, and resolving it before the end of the post, or rather showing the positive change in me not taking those awful words to heart, on Facebook today someone shared a post which said, "if someone tries to destroy you, they have something wrong with them, NORMAL people don't try to utterly destroy others"
Which really sums up those of us who once loved an Abuser,a lot of women's sites call them narcissists, which is o.k too, but I don't think it is a good enough explanation, it sort of excuses them because they have a " mental condition",which mostly hasn't been diagnosed by a professional, and it doesn't say the most obvious thing which is that they are Violent

Monday 15 January 2018

"you are so nice" he sneered.

I was in a shop, and said "thank you" to the assistant politely," you are so nice" Howard sneered at me, even me being polite was something to be despised..not the worst insult i have ever heard, of course but just so unnecessary, as are all the little jibes,little criticisms of my character,Why did this offend him,I didn't challenge his Narcissist"sense of self", or go against him in anyway,just a weakness he thought he saw in me, when being a good person, is seen as a weakness, as "soft" as marking ourselves vulnerable, open to being manipulated.
Why didn't i walk away then, he had shown his utter despising of me and my character,why didn't i remember when in a previous relationship with Jon that his opinion of me as such a terrible person, crazy,weak, despicable,woman meant he didn't love me,i am pretty innocent of how loving men treat the women they love, but i knew i loved my kids, i knew i could not say cruel words to them because i loved them and wanted the best for them in everything they did.If you love another person you are not cruel, so if you are cruel you DON'T love them.
Of course abusive violent narcissist's cant love,its impossible for them as is taking the blame for anything they do wrong!!

Sunday 7 January 2018

Anti biotics,coke and the salvation Army.

Well its been such a long time since i have posted on here, with anything more than a few lines that is!! and it may not yet be more than a few lines!! I have had a week nearly of a cold or it may have been flu which turned into a chest infection, to be honest i am still coughing up stuff..so i have felt a bit fed up,last night it was so cold when we went to take the dogs,i got back in the house and it was painful to breathe,i usually just have a 5 day course of anti-biotics, but i am on my second lot now.. I have been felling really fed up about Ben staying in bed all day, and just sit round really bored, but he got up on friday, and we went food shopping and got up today at 9.am, because i had told him I am going to Biker Church today in Warrington, and if he got up late i would be out and he wouldn't be able to get his coke...
I have been emailing my friend Chris recently for the last year, i wrote on Christmas eve, but haven't heard anything since then, so i hope she is o.k,i don't think i have done anything to offend her!!..
We have EIGHT new people join the local christian bikers association, six people are from a close by branch, which got very big, and two are from the salvation army, who feel called to Witness to bikers. Its exciting times, and of course Brian want to get back involved with everything again, after caring for Helen so well for so long.
There a few few family things going on at the moment i cant talk about yet, hopefully the whole situation will resolve itself,i was up early worrying about it this morning,and kept giving it to God, then carrying on worrying about it, therefore taking it back!!