Gazebos and floods

We are back home now, its sunny of course here,in Wales though its still raining heavily,there was a Severe Weather warning there yesterday!! when we were, the field was fast filling up with water, there was a pond about 4 feet wide next to the caravan when we left! I have just finished the minutes for the meeting the A.G.M we had on monday night,i made the mistake of including all the show we had done, event though Di said she would add it later!!Doh! We did a bike show at a little village near here last Sunday, i just joked that Mike didn't want to pick me up! and that Mike should stay away from the Gazebo,and Brian laughed his head off!!, but text me the next day saying he was sorry Mike didn't want to give me a lift and i could go with him to the meeting that night...I wasn't really offended with Mike!!, it was just messing around,but because of what Brian is going through with Helen being ill, maybe he is bit oversensitive, which is understandable!!

Windy, raining, cold Welsh Hillside again!

Well its been another frustrating day1, got all ready to go to the caravan,just trying to get Ben out of bed, and then i felt sick !! SO annoying and frustrating...i was a bit worried about the new electrics and setting up the new caravan...its all electronic...so will take me a while to sort it all out..So hopefully will make it tomorrow... well its tomorrow and,we got here! and have spent our first night in the new caravan!!..so here we are again on the wet and windy and very cold welsh hillside, with what would be a beautiful view if i could actually see it!!to the left is a view of some wonderful mountains, down the hill is the ocean and to the right i can usually see Cricieth Castle, built to keep the English out!! in medieval times...now they welcome us English because they make plenty of money out of us, which keeps them going through he winter months...
I was so cold last night because i haven't worked out how to put on the heating, and to be really honest i only worked out how to turn the electricity on because i had to phone Tony who sold it to me, and has the same caravan himself!I had almost given up trying to get the hatch open to plug in the power,and walked away and i am sorry to say shed a tear! but i was not turning it hard enough!!It is a lovely caravan! so big compared to the last one,it has cooker fridge, even an oven and grill, i haven't got the t.v working yet i think i have the wrong cable to connect it to the outside ariel...as well as being so cold last night,(i would have been better with a sleeping bag) the dog, nipper kept barking every few hours, first he was thirsty, and then he was just barking for no reason) i probably wouldn't have woken up just from being cold though.. note to self, March in the u.k is not WARM AT ALL! i just have my c.m.a hoody, with a vest underneath,i eventually put three pairs of leggings on, and three pairs of sock,if i had slept in my coat i would have been warmer!!!so its been a bit of a catelogue of disasters from the begining, but it will get better!!
I am trying to be very positive, with a' what's the good to be seen in every situation?',attitude at the moment!!, because i have spent such a long time feeling sad about Helen's illness, and wavering between trust Him to heal her on the Earth, and the opposite, which is not faith, in fact it is doubt, i feel in this situation, i am not pointing the finger at anyone else's view.I feel the Lord wants me to trust him for Helen, as He has told me He will Heal her.

Seer?..and Dream about Helen

Its been a frustrating few days i was really looking forward to going to the concert the gospel group were doing yesterday! but i woke up with a really painful back so couldn't even stand up straight never mind drive anywhere!today i wanted to go to town to the practice for the gospel group but i couldn't get hold of Darren to come round and stay with Ben, or get Ben up!I have been feeling restless today and have actually managed to get some stuff done which has been waiting for a while!,,i still haven't finished decorating the front room , its been about four weeks now!! still i will get there in the end but i have a three storey house with 8 rooms so at this rate it will take me a very long time!! But by chance i was watching a t.v. programme which was talking about God as the Judge, and out ability to appeal to him against the Enemy and his devices in our lives, the speaker Robert Henderson, says that we all have a book in heaven where it it written the path that the lord wants for our lives,and Satan is doing his best to derail us from that Path.He claims the Satan can block our prayers by legalism,and in fact the Enemy is very legalistic,and like the worst prosecuting lawyer!
I had a dream about Helen last night and maybe that was what made me restless,We had been out somewhere and were driving later, she got out of the car to go to pick something up from a yellow veranda house,she was driving,which she cant do now, she hadn't put the handbrake on properly, and the car started to slowly move backwards, i was in the left back seat and couldn't get the hand brake on from there,or get into front to do it, i must have got out because i saw it career into a green valley, with some kind of market stalls,and it disappears from view.
Today,friday 18th, i have been thinking about what a "Seer" is, i do see things in the Spirit,i have tried to be careful and have asked God to only give me gifts He wants me to have...Its actually very hard to find out information about this thing even the Christian websites seem to go into the 'wordly' views of this... its difficult to know, and also to Know what God wants to use this gift for...In the past i used to be friends with other people who also had this gift, but even they would get into conversations with demons when the were doing deliverance...the Enemy and his servants lie! so how can anything they say be trusted?

Saints and Sinners.

Its been a frustrating and yet fruitful few days! I have bought a new caravan,i went and found someone to take the old one away,which really surprised me about myself,i just walked into the yard and told them what i wanted!,i was confident and forthright, i amazed myself! if i had had to think about doing it i would have been anxious and probably done it but would have stressed about it and gone over it over and over again afterwards! the difference may have been because i prayed before i went..I hadn't spoken to Brian or Helen for a while, Tony said he had spoken to Brian and had not known what to say either,i had prayed about it and the Lord brought it to my mind the time when i was in town with my Mum not long after my Brother died, and some old friends crossed the road so the did not have to talk to us,it upset my Mum, and i was upset for her, but i don't blame those people,because i feel the same now,but of course no one can say ANYTHING that will make it any better, but we can help in a little way just to let them know we are there and love them,.Brian says he gets so angry,i just said that he was bound to.Then we had a joke when we were on the phone, because he had asked Helen to leave the washing up to him,and she went ahead and did it! and i said to Brian, the Bible says a wife should obey her husband, he told her and she pretended to smack her own bottom!...When we went to the dirt bike show in Telford i had to leave early,but Di said the next day that the day before Brian was very quiet to begin with but when the day went on he became his old self! He was striding out there to talk to people and they could see the love of the Lord shining out of him! he wasn't preaching at them, just asking them if they had enjoyed their day, both he and Helen are amazing evangelists, she brought a Lady to the lord last year called Carol.It is strange that it is her voice that has been affected...she has no voice now...just communicates in sign language and writes things down...It sounds silly bit the last few times i have seen her she seems to glow,the same as women do sometimes when they are pregnant...i don't know why,i feel like i am seeing her clearer now, the inner her, showing the Pure Love of God,shining out of her,looking back i know its always been there,i can just see it better now,i don't want to make her seem like a Saint,but Helen has never said anything bad about anyone else,she really is a really good lovely person,she is always so loving, genuinely concerned about others...again Gods love shines out of her.. i cant describe it any better.My Mum used to talk about My Brother Mike like he was a saint after he died,My Sister talks about Mum that way! neither of them were, they were ordinary flawed people, who would never have said they themselves were good people! Of course the true meaning of the word 'Saint' just means a believer in Christ, it was the Catholic church who almost worship certain people who they deem as 'almost perfect' human beings, and we all know there was only ever One Perfect human Being! Jesus.the last time saw Brenda alive i hid from her!!...not because she was very ill with Cancer, but because she used to judge me and tell me exactly what i was doing wrong, in her eyes,anyway!!, that Church had a habit of 'deciding where you were going wrong', with no evidence of it, but they thought it was divine revelation,the only problem was that it was wrong!!, and TRUE Divine revelation could not be wrong!! God bless them though because God used them to bring me back to him!!

Mother's day

I have been reading back some of my posts from years ago and while the ones talking about the things of God are quite interesting to read,sometimes the ones talking about the events of that day are quite good to look back at, a friend called Ruth Davis used to put on facebook everyday what she was grateful for that day,i did do that for a while and i found that really interesting to look at too! So what has been happening today?, i went to town,with Ben, after it took me 3 hours to get him up, what finally got him out of bed was the threat that he wouldn't have any coke if he didn't get up when i wanted him too! i have been walking to town recently but today i took the car, an had to park on the street which cost £3.20,i was meeting Tash and giving her a lift home, because she had my mothers day present and card,she bought me some chocolate, a necklace and a bangle! very nice!always such a thoughtful, good girl..(She had wanted to come round yesterday but i was too embarassed because i am decorating and the house is upside-down).We went for an interview at the Job centre so i can sign back onto the dole,which was quick because they said i am not probably entitled to anything!!, we went to Macdonald's on the high street,to get Ben something to eat, then the pound shop, Ben went into his favourite shop, H.M.V, but didn't find anything he wants to buy,after dropping Tash off, we came home and took the dogs for a walk, Suki is still pulling quite badly, Spike didn't bark too much today because i took a newspaper, i don't have to hit him with it to keep him quiet, we were using a muzzle for a while but that's has gone missing in the upheaval for decorating! His barking can get every dog barking on the whole street, its like that film, 101 Dalmation's when the dogs are passing on the message that their pups have been stolen, and every dog is barking!

Good news about old friends

I found out recently that my old friend Avril is o.k,i have been so worried about her because the last time i saw her she had been very depressed and suicidal.She just walked out of my life with no reason, completely un-expected! i have to admit it really shook my confidence, i had led meetings with up to 12 people, discipled people,taught in the meetings, really it was a church in my house!I thought i had forgiven everything, but i do find that some un-forgiveness comes up, even now when i thought it had all been dealt with!!!
I am getting very fed up with these feelings that come up when i think its all gone and in the past, and really dealt with... So i wonder if it really is me, my mind that is bringing all this up? is it the enemy? probably!!,i feel annoyed because i have fallen into his trap over and over again!!..
Thinking back Ten years ago and why she just disappeared, and most of all why i let it happen,she came round once a week when she was in the depths of depression,and i sat patiently with her , i took her on holiday,to the Caravan,one Wednesday she said her Mum was ill and couldn't come, so next Wednesday i waited for her,she didn't come and i don't remember if i rang her and had no answer,that day but i do vaguely remember ringing her house and being told she wasn't there.I have never been 'frozen out' before and was completely confused and overwhelmed...

taking back the night

I don't really have much interesting stuff to write about, maybe someone reading this would think i never write anything interesting!, although a lot has happened! the doctor has taken Ben off his meds,he was having extreme fatique and was tired even when he had just got out of bed!,I have bought another caravan,so that is the last of the money that my mum has left me and i have had to sign on again, but its been three and a half years!..Mike is back on form again, i was feeling quite annoyed with him a few weeks ago about the whole thing with Howard being able to go to house whenever he wants, the same as he can to my daughter Zan's house, he was very keen to have the C.M.A meeting at his house, so I spoke to Brian about it as if the poor guy does not have enough to think about!!,) i explained that i wouldn't be able to go to any regular meetings at Mikes, because if Howard knew it was regular he would be bound to turn up eventually!!, Brian was very good, went away and thought about it and then said, we should have it at Mikes and then at Trevor's, i will talk to Mike about this at some point!..and tell him why...
Well, i wrote that a few days ago and saved it to edit,but Mike has gone back to how he was before! which was trying to get me off the phone as quickly as possible!, whereas a few weeks ago he would be ringing me twice a day to report in!! Its very difficult because i know the Lord does not want me to bring Mike into the centre of all this, but how do i get round it? I know it is wrong to be annoyed with him..so i have been repenting!!I have commented on a post on everyday victim blaming,about a girl who was attacked by a trusted male friend after she ended their relationship,he just want to be her "friend", until the situation came around that she was on her own with him,and then he drank a lot and she woke up to find him in bed with her,this happened several times over the night,and of course he claimed he had no memory of it in the morning..it has brought a lot of memories back how i was manipulated by Howard,and even now he wont take NO for an answer,i am not frightened of him, the threat of arrest has helped a lot!!,i probably should feel able to go to places where i know he will be,and i was so angry about this for such a long time.But i know that God does not want me to be at that church anymore, because he has me involved in the Christian Bikers.