why does he do that?...i have no clue!!

I recently read the book by Lundy Bancroft 'why does he do that', he is a Pyshcologist who has studied and had personal contact in encounter groups with Abusers.(I found it really hard to read, the Human side of me getting angry in the first few chapters, almost wanting to toss it into the fire,but i persevered, and found it one of the most enlightening book i have ever read,( after 'women who love too much', which helped me entangle my thought process from trying to change Him,at first it seemed very Pro-abuser, by saying women were trying to control the Abuser, which really annoyed me too, but we all go through a process to get free of abuse.) In a way of course we are trying to control Abusers behaviour, FOR OUR OWN SAFETY,and of course Ultimately theirs, because they will always end up alone,'old men with broken teeth,lonely with out love',( a line from a Bob Dylan song) my last Abuser,Howard certainly is, although he tries hard not to be seen that way, by engineering a meeting with a woman, where he knew i would be. The point i am trying to get to is that Joe's Dad, Jon told me a few weeks ago that Joe spends all his money on dope, cannabis, which of course was said to upset me, which it really did and i have been angry with Joe for weeks now, which of course was what his dad Jon wanted!... so the question again why does He do that?, and as always i have no clue!!!.. was he jealous of me, being closer to Joe? answers on a postcard please!!.. He is such a star!!, i heard him telling his girlfriend to 'shut up Babe' when he was on the phone to me,this is the 'Babe' whose house he lives in, she works all day driving huge lorries around Wales, while he stays in Bed,(claiming benefits, falsely as a single person,you can't get benefits in U.K if you live together in a relationship with someone who has a job,,and claiming they are just 'sharing the house',and have no relationship, because he gets extra money to have his rent paid!!!) this is also the man who tried to force me to lie to the authorities so he wouldn't have to pay child support!..in fact he never paid until they took it directly from His employer, last time he worked,TEN years ago!

Bono, Dave and starring at walls...

I have been reading the book" Bono On Bono", on my new kindle that my kids got me for my 55th birthday, i was really surprised when He is talking about on of his songs, cant remember the title, but it was about his friend who committed suicide, the Words which struck me were " stuck in a moment you cant get out of", that's how i described my friends Marion's suicide, she couldn't get past something in her life,a "moment", she lived in until her death. I remember once saying when she was around, about suicidal people not really wanting to die, but just that the pain would stop,i still feel guilty about that. Dave was my creative writing teacher,which i did a few years ago a free course for Carers,he said i wrote 'interesting stories',which was nice to hear but i am not sure! I have recently decided that i spend a lot of my life starring at walls, not that i am looking at the wall itself, but my mind is elsewhere, usually because i am waiting for Ben,yesterday it was a garden wall...oh well i am not really as boring as i seem to the outside,i am quite happy to be a "home bird", i have always been, as a child we lived all over the world,so i feel secure in one place now, my children must be the same, none of them want to leave this town where they were born a brought up.So today, i am grateful to God for security of my home, but more than that the security i have in His love for me,and the knowledge that although the world is going through some hard times, maybe even the Tribulation,God will take care of me,and mine. Praise Him!

Able to post again!!!.. and grateful to practice my faith freely.

Able to post again at last, its been a week, well done Google, i know other bloggers have been affected in the same way! Today i am grateful to God for...being able to be free to practice my faith, so many of my brothers and sisters across the world are not able to do that, and it may be that one day here in U.k we wont be able to either.
Mike is still insisting on going to India, and those of us who care about him (and don't see him as a meal ticket) are worried about him, but he will not listen,and we just have to sit back and watch the inevitable happen...
Andre and i are close again, he rings about twice a week, which is wonderful,Eddie Mike's friend is finally to be let out of prison, to a bail hostel for six months,if he behaves himself he will be allowed to return here.I hope it all goes well for him,but being as he has a Personality disorder,i doubt it will be long before he upsets someone again,he has to limit his contact with certain people who the Authorities regard as 'vulnerable'.

still cant post,google do something about this please, i am not the only one affected!!

STILL CANT POST, GOOGLE PLEASE TAKE NOTICE AND ...FIX....FIX!

cant post cant post cant post

Ex-criminals and chocolate...and conversation!!

Yesterday we had the Bikers church in a local church, it was a good service, quite a few people went up for Prayer, or salvation, wonderful testimony from Chris, from the local 'twig',and from the Pastor Colin.Both were in back Patch clubs, which mean criminal organisations.I have had Max for the weekend too,and yesterday afternoon i heard conversation from the kitchen, not an unusual thing for most households, but it was Ben and Max having a conversation!!!....just mundane stuff like "i like that chocolate", "i like it too",but not heard of, except one other time when Ben had been prayed for by the Evangelist, William Lee!...Praise God,the closer i get to Him, and follow His will for my life, the more Ben goes forward!!!Hallelujah.