The Watch

I am nursing a sick dog,Cody,he is near the end..They usually die in October,all the Yorkies did..its hard,i havent wanted to leave him for about 4 weeks,i have had to,but for as short a time as possible..its been really hard, for all of us really. I have been re thinking some freindships,it seems like its time to take a deep breath,and not spend time with people who really are toxic...i just feel its un christian to not put up with them,as if i could be a good influence on them which in itself is condescending!...its just one person really, who has featured a lot in this blog..but i have been remembering Mike too,and Darrenwho used to ring everyday,i didnt really know how much he meant to me when he was on earth,and compared to the toxic person,was so much nicer!! Comparing them is fruitless really, i dont think i am a good freind either! why dont i live and learn,why keep trying with people who are unpleasant...its just guilt,and not wanting the "hard words"..so i am a coward and just keep up the facade..a lie really...i am not good Christian at all! He has gone,quietly,just stopped breathing around 8 pm... We spent all day yesterday burying him,it took about three hours to dig the hole...it rained on and off,we took quite a few breaks...So today we had planned to go out mainly because we have been stuck inside for the best of four weeks, its Bens sports day today, i just dont have the energy to get up and get out, and get him up... I slept in my own bed last night which was also the first time in a month, the Puppies all wanted to come upstairs, maybe because it smells of death down there, Togo used to want to be downstairs,but last night Ben came in after being had been in bed for about a hour, and said he could hear one of them Whining,so i just left my door open,and Togo slept outside my room...it wasnt until the last two night that i used the day bed, to sleep, my legs were getting very cold and cramped when i was sleeping on the Chaise Longue...