Ghosting

I have finally had enough of a person,who calls me her 'friend'...yes i could list her unpleasant character,and of course its hard not to remember the nasty things she has said directly to me...Its VERY hard, and i have to ask God for help...and i have to remenber something that happened about ten or fifteen years ago,where God has shown me that the enemy can literally 'drop thoughts'into my mind,i was in a good mood, just getting on with my life,cooking in the kitchen at home,no particular thoughts about anything,and nothing connected to her when i started to feel really angry about her...and not even any specific thing she had done!..just full on fury? Yet another wonderful lesson from the Holy Spirit! I hope He will show me some more instances like this,and the woman?..,i reply politely when she texts...i dont want to 'Ghost' her, its happened to me and the effect on me was devastating,even Mike said i had lost my Confidence...maybe one of the last people that i was able to trust..as a friend.She also had mental illness, like Mike, sometimes i thought the Lord wanted me to minister to people like that, as so many came across my path...until i was told by someone with a personality disorder who was in Prison, that i was regarded,classed "a vulnerable person" by the Authorities...which felt insulting...not as unsettling as when they recomended a team of fire wardens come to my house to fire proof it..,the person with the personality disorder was in Prison for setting fire to his council flat!! Did God bring them into my life or was it just because of Mike, being mentally ill, and coming across them in hospital?..do co-incidences happen? , maybe to the world i was a vulnerable person, in charge of kids,and making unwise choices about who i allowed in my home?..yes i was that! but seeing it in the light of maybe being the only person in their lives who would show them some Christian Love? that could be my delusion, i may have been looking down on them as i did with the person who calls me her friend? But i do want to examine my motives for keeping in contact with such an unpleasant person for almost 30 years,obviously having been in two serious relationships with Abusers,maybe i was just expecting people to behave badly...its really our hormones that betray us as Women,i always tried to give people the benefit of the doubt,as a lesson i learnt from my Mum,(who really did not like other women,i.e her bithcy criticism of women newreaders,) so i think this might explain it. The hatred thoughts that were "dropped" into my mind, were about her, so maybe subconciously it was coming out in another way?..Its taken me a long time to get used to the fact that God knows my very thoughts..so to think the Enemy is able to manipulate my thoughts that way? not nice at all,one other weird thing around her,she said a few things,which i later brought up in conversation,(nasty things others had said,which she had completely forgotten she had told me,her son had said his wife couldnt cope with her house, as she is a hoarder), and.. he got married and didnt invite her,although he is in her life..but strangely his wife hardly ever sees her...a clever girl,i wish i knew that at that age!!..its these type of things, that made her feel sorry for her,she is manipulative, and draws me back when i have had enough..i always kept in contact with her,now i dont,,so have just had one text, which i have repiled to non commitally,not engaging with her but talking about other things, just answering her questions... She is a toxic person,who seems to take revenge on those in her life, who she needs,her family have to put up with it,I dont and can walk away, i do feel guilty about being patronising to her, feeling it was my Christian duty to keep in contact,so why am i shocked how she behaved,and tried to take advantage of me even more? Thank you Lord for the lesson learned, sorry it took 30 years!

a grey tail with WHITE TIP,,,....BYGONE AND Dna.....++

"Bygones" is a funny word....but if there is another person out there with almost similar D.N.A to me? its BYEGONES, WITH an apology....i dont know let me think about that1....so i have to keep going as long as i can before the battery dies, of course i do have some hints in the title so hopefully that should help... I wish i could be more subtle, but i am only a generation away from writing on a slate with a chalk in a little tiny school in wales, of course it could have been the same for my mum, but she would never admit it as her family had gone from riches to rags, and one of the family had invested their share of the local land owners dosh, gone to U.S with it and invested it in the Railways...Abe Harriman?...dont remember the first name really well but know the surname is correct....in fact one person with an american accent came looking for the family....and the person they were looking for said they werent any left round here! come back Harrimans ,all is forgiven, and bring back some dosh! Sitting on the bog with a white tipped tail peeping round the door! no privacy at all Dodgy D.N.A, may have won the battle but I have one the War....Bygones there? definitely.but of course its still raising its Ugly head now, but less and less all the time,so i have won ,the spoglets are being fed the truth a small drop at a time....of course they are certain ones will will take a bit longer but with the LORDS HELP JUSTICE WILL WIN THROUGH....AND IF ONE SPOGLET THE ELDEST, WANTS TO KNOW THE REALLY GORY STUFF I WILL TELL HIM, BUT THERE ARE SOMETHINGS a son doesnt need to know about their Mums life... of Course spoglet number 2,called me a Liar...which still rankles, i went back to the July interchange recently...because spoglet two had been rude to spog 1...".these are the messages i get"

Finding freedom first anniversary and victim blaming

Finding freedom first anniversary and victim blaming? Its 11 june 2022,the first anniversary of the monsters death, today I can't call him by his name, which is childish and petty of me, but that's life! Our new puppies,are my example of innocence, I look at them and think how could anyone hurt a little creature like them?..it's the persons choice, and I do feel pain from the animals that mistreated in this world, and I have pity on myself, on the old me, the one that went out into the world,was innocent and was used and abused by other people, some of them in pain..and some of them just plain nasty who enjoyed inflicting pain,. One of them is Bens dad, I am constantly angry with myself, but I'm not angry with him anymore! I'm friendly with him we share interests we chat about then, . I look at him and I think he doesn't even look like that person who did those bad things to me, and I know this is nonsense, he won't listen but I think me forgiving him has let the Lord change him no glory to me I need to God. Jon has changed Jon is actually nice!... it's true!. he's being a decent person he's got a nice girlfriend and he seems to have finally grown up but even that sounds like i am judging him "God is good! ALL the time God is good!" Miracles are everyday work for Him! I'm just overwhelmed with his love and care.Praise Him! All I am going to say about the Johnny Depp case is something that happened to me when I was at college, I was talking to one of the other women,younger than me she would be mid 20s, telling her about the mistreatment from the Monster,she said "oh that's terrible you should leave him that's not good"..later the monster popped in on his bike dropping something off for me, because he was good looking she completely changed and said who "He is nice you should stay with him!" Obviously Good looking men NEVER hit women!.,or hold a pair of sissors to my face saying he was going to cut it off,or try to strangle me when i was driving over a bridge with fast moving deep water underneath, with two small boys in the back....no NEVER do that! It's just unbelievable!..nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors, and even when you tell them, the "monster" turns on the charm,good looks,good acting...it's all turned around!! Johnny Depp's got all these fans who think he never does anything wrong, they know he drinks,they know he does drugs and of course it's "never possible as he could've hit" somebody!!, or one of his exes could have experienced the bad side of him?, and called him "jealous and possessive", but she's kept in the background, nobody talks about her! Then they bring on the big stars, Kate Moss, Vanessa Parody (she's got children with him so of course dependent on him,and not wanting their kids to know...) the "me too" movement has truly died, everyone says women should speak up...When it's reported no one is interested... I've been to the Police myself and reported it, but to be honest they'll do anything to get out of actually pursuing it,AND this was a female officer I spoke to!!.. I knew all that was needed to stop him was a visit from them, because he was scared of the Police..., (this was before 2012 when they changed the stalking Laws...) I hope its different now...but i doubt it....

Velocoraptors

Its a month today,its the 9th of June,and on the 9the of May they became ours!..its been a strange month, A few health problems threat of a few unpleasant , colorectal investigations, and finding out that I was severely anaemic, it's been hard work the puppies are very very hard work, and they just reminds me of the velociraptors from Jurassic Park, the movie. I have 14 cuts and scratches on both my arms, from teeth and from sharp nails. Today is also the day that we can take them out of the house for the first time since they had their immunisations, so we are doing that later, at the moment I'm trying to find the best way to do this causing the last the least stress! I have had a few disturbing dreams over the last week or so about Darren, the one last night was about me visiting him and then he disappeared I wouldn't come back here, I really don't know what God is trying to say to these dreams, another one I had was me trying to phone him a few days ago is when I had a dream and I was looking for his number on my phone and I couldn't find it,of course because Darren died, at first it scared me, and I thought God was sayingThat I would be seeing Darren soon,that I will die, but praise the Lord dreams don't always mean this I know that! I used to have a frequent dream over many years I can't remember how long,but I was in a new house and I always wanted to come back to this house this one I've lived in since 1985, I knew that meant that there are new changes coming in my life, and to be honest although I really did care about Darren why would he be featuring in my dreams? I cared a lot about and I still care about him!I know one day I'm going to meet him again,he talked often about heaven,he asked me to tell him about the times when the Lord gave me visions of being in heaven after my brother died, a week after to the day and almost the time I woke up I've had a few things to drink I was a bit drunk, but a lot of people would not condemn me for that because he had died, I dream that he I was on a long rolling plane and he came racing up on his bike my brother Mike that is and he was full of life and happy and he told me some of the things that would happen to me in my life, but I wasn't allowed to remember them when I got back or rather I woke up, but I know as these things happen I know that they were at Mike told me would happen and of course now I have another brother Mike in heaven maybe not quite as pleasant as good looking as my bloodbrother Mike but this one is an was a brother in the Lord I will also see him again but he won't be the same as he was on Earth, just like Darren is not the same God forgive me Howard, they'll be different they'll be healed Mike won't have mental illness I wonder what Mike would be like without it Darren wouldn't won't have Asperger's and I don't know who that Darren is and obviously Howard although it annoys me to say I am going to have to spend eternity with him but once on the law takes me home hopefully I will be forgiving and I will see it from his point of you I don't know.

The Watch

I am nursing a sick dog,Cody,he is near the end..They usually die in October,all the Yorkies did..its hard,i havent wanted to leave him for about 4 weeks,i have had to,but for as short a time as possible..its been really hard, for all of us really. I have been re thinking some freindships,it seems like its time to take a deep breath,and not spend time with people who really are toxic...i just feel its un christian to not put up with them,as if i could be a good influence on them which in itself is condescending!...its just one person really, who has featured a lot in this blog..but i have been remembering Mike too,and Darrenwho used to ring everyday,i didnt really know how much he meant to me when he was on earth,and compared to the toxic person,was so much nicer!! Comparing them is fruitless really, i dont think i am a good freind either! why dont i live and learn,why keep trying with people who are unpleasant...its just guilt,and not wanting the "hard words"..so i am a coward and just keep up the facade..a lie really...i am not good Christian at all! He has gone,quietly,just stopped breathing around 8 pm... We spent all day yesterday burying him,it took about three hours to dig the hole...it rained on and off,we took quite a few breaks...So today we had planned to go out mainly because we have been stuck inside for the best of four weeks, its Bens sports day today, i just dont have the energy to get up and get out, and get him up... I slept in my own bed last night which was also the first time in a month, the Puppies all wanted to come upstairs, maybe because it smells of death down there, Togo used to want to be downstairs,but last night Ben came in after being had been in bed for about a hour, and said he could hear one of them Whining,so i just left my door open,and Togo slept outside my room...it wasnt until the last two night that i used the day bed, to sleep, my legs were getting very cold and cramped when i was sleeping on the Chaise Longue...