A Day In My Life

Today, day in my life,

6.30am

Woke up on the sofa,I slept downstairs because my room is such a mess because I went searching for a ring I dropped underneath it,I lifted up the mattress,found the ring,but couldn’t get the mattress down agin because the bed clothes, and some other clothes too, have got wedged behind, Joe is here today so he can help, and of course the longer I stay on blogger the longer I can delay doing it...my Mum used to say about me, that my motto was, put off til tomorrow which I can do today! Which is me of course...trouble is sometimes,(ALL the time things get put off too long)!
I set my alarm on for 3.am, to get Joe up for work, but I couldn’t be bothered to get up to wake him up, I felt guilty and kept waking up, then this morning I realised it’s his day off anyway and he didn’t need to get up at all!

7.am

Watched Voyager, which is on SCI FI, in between Craft daily, which I like to watch for tips in Quilting which I am interested in at the moment. Made some cheese toasties, which I really like, I remembered someone told me that if I have the buttered side on the outside it goes really crispy, which I love! Washed some clothes which had been in the washing machine for about a week, I left in there again, and washed again about four times...I put out some bird feeders as we have a pair of robins in the garden, and various other birds, who like my garden,because it’s organic, I have been shaking the breadboard out so the get the crumbs too, the male robin follows us when we are in the garden, especially Cody, Joes Husky,because he scratches up the ground.

12.pm

joe got up at 12, it is his day off,has gone for a driving lesson, Bens just got up,(at 1.15), had his weetabix and then started to get me to get his coke out of the car,he has just theee cans a day.

I have to stop now as Ben has to be appeased! He will be going in the shower soon as it’s his disco night,some local parents wanted to set it up as they wanted their disabled kids to have the experience of a nightclub.I am watching the old classic Coronation Street which is on every afternoon, it’s 1991 on it.

Facebook

I don’t really know what to say today, as usual things are up in the air as usual,things going on which I can’t talk about,something which would be great if it happens, but this has happened too many times in the past 9 months so say no more but watch this space! I missed the Branch Christmas meal on Monday, I felt ill, nauseous,but didn’t actaually vomit, but I felt I couldn’t take the chance of going and being sick! i have been off face book for nearly 6 weeks, for some strange reason it won’t download from out server, it’s ok if I don’t sign out, but if I do I can’t sign in again!so eventually signed in again from a marks and spencer free wi fi, so it means I am going to have to take my iPad, netbook and laptop out of the house to sign into Facebook on them, or wait til I go back to the caravan to do it, or try and find out why it’s not working

Twiglets

The battery on this iPad is going to go pretty soon,I have an infection today so it looks like I won’t be able to go to the branch meeting again today, which has made me feel really fed up.I went to the twiglets first birthday party on Thursday, Lidia wasn’t able to come, so went with Brian on our own.It was great and I really enjoyed it! My hip has been bothering me for a while now, it was baby Alice’s birthday party yesterday, so all my kids and almost all their kids were in the same place at the same time,obviously Ellie and Willow weren’t there.
Joe has started work now, and is at an interview now for a second Job, he has made a commitment to the Lord, and is going on with Him, every day.I had an amazing conversation with Colin,Joes Grandad, he said he prays for the girls, Ellie and Willow every day, I told him Joe trusts God to look after them, he says he did too...I came off the phone and had tears running down my face.

Nipper and Gizmo, part 2

Well it’s the 17 th October, 5 weeks later, and she died this morning, totally unexpected,was expecting her to get better like last time,I don’t know if it was a virus, and she never shook it off....and Nipper her dad is still going, being as annoying as always. Don’t really know what else to say!

Today

Today I got up and went to church,I was a bit late but nobody seems to mind,I can do stuff like that now because Joe has been staying here,so I can go out at a moment notice if I want too! It’s quite unusual for me...for the last two days I have been feeling in a better mood,so I actually smiled at the woman across the road, which surprised her...I go through phases like this, when I can’t speak to people and hate to go out of the house.
The woman preaching, (talking),was about hidden things in the Church, she had noticed that a woman was not coming to church,and bumped into her in town and saw she had a black eye, and was wearing a scarf to cover up other bruises...so the preacher said we must not be too legalistic about what the Bible says about divorce, because we don’t know what is going on in other people’s lives. This was the first time I have ever heard this spoken about in a Church EVER, a bit disappointing that it had to be a woman saying it, a woman I was talking to said she was given some tickets for a circus, by women’s Aid,and when I came home and told Joe he said she is not the sort of woman who would be abused and she was lying...so that made me think a lot.
Joe heard some disturbing news about his Ex,about her Dad,and it got him upset for a while,I got Cody a new Bed, cushion, which he started to tear up!..Suki ran off with Joes smelly sock,he likes to chew them up,Joe tried to get it off him and Suki growled at him, so Cody tried to go for Suki,Joe was in between them trying to keep them apart...so I got out the food bowls which distracts them...dogs are so easy to distract.
So that’s what I have done today.. I read a post where I said everything I had done that day, which is boring for me to do today, but I got a lot of insight into things that have changed, so I am going to do this ’Day in the life’ thing again.

Nipper and Gizmo

It’s 1.30am, and I am wide awake, I am in bed, and I have a fluffy dog bed on the floor next to me with two elderly Yorkshire terriers in it,Nipper the older one,is 14yrs old, his front legs don’t work,for the last 3or four years,he is blind,he still warns if someone comes to the door, and loves a fight with the young Yorkie spike.
Gizmo is in the bed next to him, she is his pup,and only about 8months older, she has had some vomiting on and off for about a week,the day before yesterday, for no reason, completely out of the blue,he had very laboured breathing,which got better over the day, I think she inhaled some vomit,she is blind from cataracts, and almost deaf.
So I don’t know what is going to happen, I hope Gizmo is ok,Spike has had the same virus type thing too, in the last few days,but he seems ok,but obviously is younger, so able to shake stuff off easier..theses dogs have been faithful companions for 13and14 years, the least they deserve now is to be taken care of until they are taken home to heaven.

The purge...

It's been a strange day today,it's been a purging day in this house,..I have Challenged my Ex Jon (Mulcahy), (see my previous post with his name in it!) He was saying on Facebook that I stopped him seeing his kids, when in fact he saw them every Sunday at his parents house, I have plenty of witnesses to that!including his own family!! Of course abusive people do tell lies about their Victims, and I know most of the lies him and Howard Seymour Shellard tell about me,in private to mutual friends, because they are cowards,and know nothing can be done about Lies told in Private, but to Publicly lie about me? And to have the evidence out there in Public!, BAD MISTAKE,!!!.. reminds me of Julia Roberts in that film when she goes back into a shop and goes up to the Shop Assitant who previously refused to serve her, she was in Prostitutes clothing, she went in with all her expensive new clothes, and bags from expensive shops and said, "you refused to serve me yesterday, you work on commission don't you,BIG MISTAKE!!" Wonderful! It was Pretty woman film,just remembered!
So Joe has finally challenged Daisy on her abuse of him,talking over him, taking the kids hundreds of miles away, and only letting him see them if he is in a relationship with her...it's sad because it's Ellie's fourth birthday today, and none of us can see her...or give her her birthday presents, or even be there because it's also her first day of school.. she even admitted she had ruined Ellie's birthday.. but it won't last long...she is sending photos of her own sad face, she has lost control and is panicking, but she chose this,it's her life... but she won't take responsibility for long like most abusers, it will soon be someone else's fault...it's a sad situation, for the kids and Joe. ..He has told her he can't be her counsellor anymore,while she is lying about him to her family, calling him the Abuser...She has admitted she made him ill by her anger tantrums, having him walking on egg shells to keep her from losing her temper....sad sad sad....no ones the winner in this... most of all those wonderful little Girls...

A Rollercoaster Ride,with Jesus in control.

It's been a rollercoaster for the last few weeks,the Enemy has been trying to destroy my family, but I am not worried, well not for long anyway as I know the The Lord is in control of my life and my family, so I have had to give up any sense of control, that anything I do will change anything,Joe has not been taking his medicines, so has been through a rough time,he has smashed windows, been vile and abusive, and tried to hang himself...but The Lord saved his life, and saved Daisy's life when on the full moon, red moon night she was attacked,I am not going to give the Enemy any Glory by going into any more details than that, some people have said that they "don't know how I get through these bad things that happen", and that they know it's because I have Jesus in my life!

Yes and Amen

It's quite strange, I have had over 100views of this blog this morning, and today is only 6hours old! Very welcome for anyone to read this, it would not be public if it wasn't! I am curious why people from over 15countries decided to view this in just the last 6 hours,it's not interesting or dramatic, or salacious! It's been quite a week here,we have been arranging to run something in August for a local charity.
The enemy has been trying to undermine, and frustrate my work for the Lord, but GLory to God, and with His help,the Lord always had the victory, the best thing to happen is that Joe has been convicted by the Holy Spirit and is intending to go to a Christian lunch meeting at a Churchwe used to go to when he was a child,with a new very loving and caring Pastor, in fact the Church that God used to bring me back to Him he wasn't baptised by them,because they thought he was too young,but I did it in the bath, in fact 3 of the children made a commitment at the same time,i remember the urgency the Lord instilled me with to do that, I asked all of them,and as I had come out of the Church and didn't know any Christian Pastors, or even Christian Brothers to do it, I did it myself, and the Lord gave me a few words for him, and that one day he would be a preacher! Which to be honest seemed very far away as he had gone back into the world!
It seems like Gods promise is being fulfilled...it says in the bible that"His promises are yes and Amen"..
I am still very stunned by this...as I always am when God moves in my life...but He proves to me over and over that He is Lord, over me my life, and my children's life..Glory to God, He is Good, ALL the time!!!

60 and counting!

Well the day I was dreading has come and gone, with no lasting effects!Tash got me tickets to see the Rolling Stones in concert, which was wonderful! The best birthday present I have ever had, in fact the best present I have ever had! its been a very stressful 3 months which I haven't really been able to talk about, not at the branch meeting, or to ask for prayer from the fast track which is a nationwide prayer set up from the Christian Motorcyclists Association.Brian has 'moved on', has met a lovely woman called Lidia,I actually haven't met her yet, but everyone who has says she is lovely. I have been asked to run a local event here in Shropshire so I am still organising that.The house is getting sorted out,I have started some oil paintings, and apart from Joe suffering from missing the children, life is very good, which I know is an awful thing to say,not just for Joes sake, but because I am feeling good because things are good,I have had some of the darkest times in my life in the last three months,and as everyone who reads this blog will know I have had some really awful things happen to me,but it's so much worse when you see your children go through pain, the blessing I have had is that Joe said despite everything he says he 'can still feel God', which I know will make our Enemy furious, but I know God is in control! God is good, And the people said ALL THE TIME!

6 minutes to 60

60. Wow so ancient, in six minutes, now three minutes I will be 60.. a big age to be....

James and Emma's wedding,a true Royal wedding!

I am going to my first BKier wedding today, at the Church about an hour away in Warrington, most of the bike riders are escorting the Bride to the Church, from Stafford, where they live. Emma was telling me they met at a cross stitch club,and were friends for years before they got together.Its unusual to think that a six foot biker with long hair does cross stich, but he is not the only one in our Branch of the Chirstian Motorcyclists Association.I like doing so called male things, like putting up shelves I built a lean to, I went to college to learn how to do carpentry, and stopped using nails after that, they don't hold as well as screws! I am feeling a lot better now, for a few weeks there I was really struggling,Tash was diagnosed with post natal depression, Joe had been ill too , but both are better, and Joe is able to speak to Ellie and Willow regularly too now,Joe said the girls are missing their dog Cody, an Alaskan Malamute, who has been staying here since the kids went to Scotland.It is hard for me to go out because he has bonded to me and panics when I am not here, he reallyhols VERY loudly...so I am able to get out by taking him to Joes, but I had to take him to the Big Breakfast!!he stayed in the car and was fine, but I can't leave him in the car for very long now as the weather is getting warmer,hehas a very thick coat and even with the windows open it's too warm for him!! Huskies have a double coat, and obviously that is great in Alaska, and Siberia, but even in rainy England it gets too warm!
There is another Wedding going on today! But this is the TRUE royal wedding, as James and Emma are both the Son and Daughter of the King, in fact the King of Kings! Praise God.God is good, ALL THE TIME!

The Battle belongs to the Lord

Down but not out! I sent an email to the Branch members and said something like'we have all had a terrible time recently' and asking for people to pray,We were doing the helmet park at the Ride 4life at a local R.A.F museum,people do a ride from Shrewsbury to the museum, about 20 miles.it went very well and because our branch of the Christian Motorcyclists Asociation has recently had more than 10 new members come to join us, we were able to cover two events, the local motorbike show at Stafford, for two days and the Bike4life on Sunday, so we were split between two events on Sunday.
The new members have come from a very bad situation in another branch,two more are from the Salvation Army, and two new are the parents of a young man called James,who has a really lovely girlfriend called Emma, they are getting married at Biker Church in May,but it looked like it wasn't going to happen in February, because they had another accident on their Bike, which wasn't their fault, in fact James was still in plaster from his last accident,they are counting on the payout from the first accident, to buy a bungalow,but they may not get it because he was in plaster,only on his wrist,he has trouble walking up stairs now.
So we were down but NOT OUT,praise God, we gave out over 200 biker bibles over the weekend! God is good, ALL THE TIME.

Glory to God

It s been a long while since I have posted, and I really don't have anything to say anyway! It's been a very hard struggle this last month, but Joe is o.k, thank the Lord, glory to Him.His children have been taken to Glasgow against his wishes, so we are trying to get them back, lots of lies have been told about Joe, but I am not going to give the Enemy any glory by repeating them here,but I do know God is in control, and I hold onto the promises that the Lord gave me for Joe when he was baptised.I Know God is good, and He is in control! Praise Him

mothers day

It's been a very difficult 10days,it's Mother's Day today here in England,and a few hours ago in Church I felt like the worst sort of Mother, for various reasons,one being that two of my children don't want me as their Mother,but the worst thing is that I have been facing the darkest days of my 36years of being a Mother and Father to my children, the terror that my son is going to kill himself.
I was dreading the preacher talking about how wonderful Mothers are,I thought if he says that, I will burst into tears, or have to run out....but he didn't,the sound system was broken, so no overhead projection, or singing or music,just the strict Anglican communion service. Which restricting and formulaic as it is was strangely comforting.

Tom Cruise,Hitchcock, and Weinstein

Men,all men who have directly or indirectly ruined lives,because they felt entitled to their own way, And some to women's bodies,and people in their way were just dispensable and would pay the price of 'disobedience'
I don't watch Tome Cruise movies, I am sure he is a nice guy,a good father, maybe a great actor,but I just can't bring myself to watch any of his movies,all I can see when I watch him are the faces of the poor women who were forced to have abortions, because the babies would have been inconvenient for their 'destinies' in Scientology, the woman who cried recalling having being forced to to abort the baby her and her husband really wanted, the guilt is palpable, even with her subsequent children, she is still brokenhearted.
I don't watch Hitchcock films either,because of the way he ruined a young actresses career because she wouldn't sleep with him,his wife apologised to her, she said, you could do something about this, in not those exact words, but I think a man like that would not have allowed his wife to dictate his action at all,it's strange, there is such a double standard,it's well known about Hitchcock not allowing the actress to make films with anyone else, and not making any with her,but no one boycotts his films!! where are the radical feminists when he is described as a 'genius'!
Johny Depp was accused of domestic violence, which I have researched as much as I can,it was never admitted, or proven,it may be that his wife agreed to keep it private in order to get a good divorce settlement. I don't know if it's true or not,but I won't ever watch another of his films, I BELIEVE women,of course women lie everyone lies sometimes,,a very few make false rape allegations,but I know a decent human being is not going to accuse another person of such an awful crime, and then endure the consequential troll aftermath, without good reason.
A beautiful and talented well known Chef, called Nigella Lawson was photographed with her husband squeezing her neck,in public,it became a scandal, and she moved out,its terrible what we as women put up with in private,when it is shown to others, it's like a wake up call.It must have been so humiliating for her private life to be exposed like that,but she is just as successful as she was before,and her Ex-abuser then made the divorce proceedings as nasty and vile as he could, making all sorts of ridiculous accusations,which only made it worse for him,so everyone else could see the man she had lived with,she on the other hand,kept her cool and her dignity, I admired her, and was proud to be a survivor like her.

If someone tries to destroy you, they HAVE SOMETHING WRONG WITH THEM, not you.

I am really trying not to keep dwelling on the cruelty of the past without talking about it in a positive way, and resolving it before the end of the post, or rather showing the positive change in me not taking those awful words to heart, on Facebook today someone shared a post which said, "if someone tries to destroy you, they have something wrong with them, NORMAL people don't try to utterly destroy others"
Which really sums up those of us who once loved an Abuser,a lot of women's sites call them narcissists, which is o.k too, but I don't think it is a good enough explanation, it sort of excuses them because they have a " mental condition",which mostly hasn't been diagnosed by a professional, and it doesn't say the most obvious thing which is that they are Violent

"you are so nice" he sneered.

I was in a shop, and said "thank you" to the assistant politely," you are so nice" Howard sneered at me, even me being polite was something to be despised..not the worst insult i have ever heard, of course but just so unnecessary, as are all the little jibes,little criticisms of my character,Why did this offend him,I didn't challenge his Narcissist"sense of self", or go against him in anyway,just a weakness he thought he saw in me, when being a good person, is seen as a weakness, as "soft" as marking ourselves vulnerable, open to being manipulated.
Why didn't i walk away then, he had shown his utter despising of me and my character,why didn't i remember when in a previous relationship with Jon that his opinion of me as such a terrible person, crazy,weak, despicable,woman meant he didn't love me,i am pretty innocent of how loving men treat the women they love, but i knew i loved my kids, i knew i could not say cruel words to them because i loved them and wanted the best for them in everything they did.If you love another person you are not cruel, so if you are cruel you DON'T love them.
Of course abusive violent narcissist's cant love,its impossible for them as is taking the blame for anything they do wrong!!

Anti biotics,coke and the salvation Army.

Well its been such a long time since i have posted on here, with anything more than a few lines that is!! and it may not yet be more than a few lines!! I have had a week nearly of a cold or it may have been flu which turned into a chest infection, to be honest i am still coughing up stuff..so i have felt a bit fed up,last night it was so cold when we went to take the dogs,i got back in the house and it was painful to breathe,i usually just have a 5 day course of anti-biotics, but i am on my second lot now.. I have been felling really fed up about Ben staying in bed all day, and just sit round really bored, but he got up on friday, and we went food shopping and got up today at 9.am, because i had told him I am going to Biker Church today in Warrington, and if he got up late i would be out and he wouldn't be able to get his coke...
I have been emailing my friend Chris recently for the last year, i wrote on Christmas eve, but haven't heard anything since then, so i hope she is o.k,i don't think i have done anything to offend her!!..
We have EIGHT new people join the local christian bikers association, six people are from a close by branch, which got very big, and two are from the salvation army, who feel called to Witness to bikers. Its exciting times, and of course Brian want to get back involved with everything again, after caring for Helen so well for so long.
There a few few family things going on at the moment i cant talk about yet, hopefully the whole situation will resolve itself,i was up early worrying about it this morning,and kept giving it to God, then carrying on worrying about it, therefore taking it back!!