Photos and tears.

Today i am grateful for a Heavenly Father who care for us,Darren is still very low,one of his carers, said yesterday that he has never heard him so low, he was alone in town yesterday sitting on a bench crying, no-one asked him if he was o.k, and even when he was in the Pub crying, he was ignored too.
It may sound harsh but i have not cried since my Mum died,but cried a lot when she started to 'lose herself'( when the person she was was slipping away,i visited her, not more than a couple of times a year,i spoke to her,( she always said the last thing to go in a dying person is hearing ).
When she died her body had un-curled, she looked peacefully asleep,she looked alive.!...one odd thing though, the things on the window sill, a scupture Mike had made,some photos,were all knocked over, i dont know whether the staff had done that,if its what is done when some one has died,?...it reminded me about when my Niece was in hospital, and had a bad life threatening reaction to a Pre -med,i was at my Mums house, alone in the front Room, when my Brothers Picture fell over, no one was near it, there were no drafts,it was almost as if the enemy was saying 'i got him and i nearly got her too'......it was the same picture in my Mums room....

Bob's passing

Darrens Uncle Bob died on Tuesday,not actually related to Darren, he had been a friend of Darrens dad,and was the natural father of a major soap star, Steve McFadden, in EastEnders,Phil Mitchell, Darrens not too upset, he had talked to Him every day for years.

Hilarious Stalking

I am grateful to God today for,His ability to know me! i was not able to sleep two nights ago because i was getting very worked up about something that one of my family had done to me,(taken advantage of my good nature)...i finally got to sleep about 4.am,and yesterday the person rang me, after not for weeks!.. So what should i learn from this?( it was so bad i could not pray in tongues!!!..).I did think some angry thoughts, but did not Sin, in that i did anything about the thoughts! very strange...
Something also very strange is that my Ex (Howard) is being Baptised in the Sea.....where my Caravan is!!!!....apparently He told Sandra, that it 'holds happy memories for him', i have spoken to my family who were there when he was there with us, Strangely enough they DON'T have any happy memories!...hilarious, ....i have had to leave my church, stop going to friends houses, and now not be at the Caravan.....
Now i don't tell anyone where i am going to be,what church i am going to,when i am going to be in a certain place,i was meeting my friend Sandra,and Howard turned up where we were,and sat down at the table next to us, with a young woman,He had spent that morning at church with Sandra, and although i did ask her if she had told him, she said she hadn't,i am sure it was not deliberate...Like my son Nathan said he never sees him, and he is on the same side of town as him,(it was for a period of two weeks when the 10 times i had gone out of the house 7 of those times he had been there.)

Mist

Today i am grateful for,Our God who loves us even when we mess up, miss the point,and go the wrong way! also for wonderful friends who want to fellowship and Pray, and the ones who don't want to anymore, because they are being drawn away bu the Enemy,to still love and pray for them too!
We came back from the Caravan on Wednesday,it rained and rained,some much rain lately that the field was turning into mud,after walking in the same place more than once it was just mud, and that was on the side of the hill! the ground cannot absorb any more water,on the Tuesday night it was very Misty, we could not see the other side of the field, the electric point half way across the field were invisible too!
We had a meeting with Sandra and Darren yesterday,we prayed about being so thankful that God has brought us through some very bad stuff,life threatening in some cases,but most of all that Sandra's missing son would be found.

Truth,absolute truth.and the whole truth.

Today i am grateful for,a God who is worshipped by over 38 different denominations of the Christian church, to my shame i have judged some of the churches as old fashioned, and even that they were not 'saved' how wrong i was!...I have been to a wonderful service which goes against everything i thought i knew about Traditional Church, able to chose songs we want to sing,and prayers!
I have been challenged today about what is 'Truth', is there such a thing as absolute truth? Is the Bible absolute Truth?, i have always thought it was,( and do now), i have been challenged about some of the things i have previously regarded as absolute 'truth'.
I was watching a guy on christian t.v, who knew a lot about the Bible,He challenged those who want to know God to go to Bible college... and get a Bible dictionary!... i was tempted, and it made me re-think my opinion that Bible college 'knocks' the Holy Spirit out of believers,he also said that the kind of daily study of the Word of God which just takes small parts or just verses is not as good as reading a whole book, the main point of the Passage may be lost,( for instance the book of Hebrews is about some believers who are tempted to return to Judaism.).
I do want to know more about God and probably the Bible is the best way ,and there are people who know more than me,but the main teacher is the Holy Spirit,He will teach me all i need to know!

Wonderful Father

Today i am grateful for a wonderful Father who cares about even the small things in my life, we had a wonderful meeting at Sandra's last night, although it was only short, we were able to Pray,God is so wonderful!!..,Sandra was able to answer some questions i had about the dream, (she said that the stuff left in the house was her stuff!) Its really nice to know some one else who can interpret dreams too!
We had some Enemy attack at the meeting, we were all repenting for getting into stuff that the Lord forbids,mine was going to a 'Pyscic festival' with my Mum when very Pregnant with Joe,i was asking God to forgive me and not let it affect Joe in any way.,Darren was feeling quite anxious,we prayed for him.
We have not had a proper meeting for at least three weeks,i have repented for that,i have let the Enemy win too much lately, but with the Lords help, it wont happen again,

Trumpets

Today i am grateful for a supernatural God, who communicates in strange ways to us,i had a nice dream last night,i was in a different house,i was moving into, i think there were some family there,the house still had the stuff of the person who lived there before.(I have often had dreams about secret rooms full of antique furniture,usually these dreams mean i am moving into a new phase in my life.)
The interesting part to me is the junk left behind,what is God saying here?....at first sight it seems to be stuff left from my past, but it was NOT my stuff?...very strange...!!!..
In the natural i never want to leave the house i live in! i have been worried about what will happen to me when i am old, will i have to get one of those awful stair lifts!.i dread the thought of a 'care' home,.I have been worried about the future, about Ben's future,and who will take care of him.
As a believer i have been expecting the Return of Jesus,and every thing that is Prophesied in the book of Revelation,knowing that the World would change and monetary systems collapse, now it seems to be happening i am scared!!! Very disobedient because the Bible says 'Fear not' when these events happen!! I actually avoid anything about it on Christian T.v,but maybe that's o.k, because it makes me fear so its best to avoid it anyway! I know God is in control,just have to keep reminding myself!

Anger but not Sin

Today i am grateful for,being saved,i got up at 5.30 today after having a bad dream involving the Ex,(Howard) he was going to the places i was going,i have had the breakthrough of not feeling angry when i hear his name, so it must be the Enemy trying to make me get into sin again, of course the actual anger is not sin but it does lead into sin, so i try to keep 'short accounts',( repenting of anger as soon as possible,) don't succeed much though!I don't want to lose the peace God has given me,as my wonderful friend Sandra says,' not my way but Yahweh' hallelujah!
Ben got up at 7.am, he hardly slept either.

Landline

today i am grateful for a wonderful Saviour who gave His life for me,this is the most important thing that has ever happened in the History of this planet, and because the rest of the unsaved world would reject this, does not make it any less true, and one day when we all stand before God, they will know that they were wrong,but it will be too late.so sad....so many going to a lost eternity.
My land line has been off for 5 days,its back now but i have missed the phone the most i have felt really cut off from the world..Ben has missed the Internet most, i have had someone hack into my email, which is very annoying!
Yesterday i was trying not to say anything bad about people did not last very long though,Joe was talking about how annoyed he was with someone we both know, and i soon slipped back into bad habits, i was puzzled about this and asked the Lord to not fell angry when i heard people names who have treated me badly,He has helped me with the Ex,its good not to feel the anger at just his Name! a few otherr people i need to think of too!
 My Dad for instance, i have had to rethink all my memories and thoughts about him, i was too influenced by others, i knew my Dad was not the Evil person they made Him out to be, but because i am lazy i let them get to me.He was an angry, quite a scary person when i was younger,but he has told me that he had been tricked into marriage, and was always angry with himself for that, how can i judge him?, i have been divorced twice,cheated, and been cheated on. I have not done anything he hasn't, but i don't want to be judged harshly, so why did i judge him?
Of course it is easy to blame the other parent, my Mum,we did have a difficult relationship,and she did say sorry for that, although it cant have been all her fault,i always got on better with my Dad. Mum said once 'because of what you and your Dad were to each other' (she was going to stay away from my wedding so he would come.)

The Good,the bad,and the.....

Today i am grateful for.....feeling better,Hallelujah!  The idea that 'we learn more through bad things than through good things' in our walks with God has been the main theme going through my thoughts and conversations today and yesterday,its not a pleasant thing to realise but true!
Maybe its just Human nature or the way that we are created! ...as a child learns not to put her hand in a fire because it burns,so we learn to as Adults, and i have been 'burned ' too may times to ever have another Husband, and as both my Ex husbands are still living i would be disobeying God Word anyway! Praise Him for His perfect will, and choices for us.

Shalom=,hello goodbye,Peace!!

Today i am grateful for the Peace even More,!!!...The Enemy  of our souls tried to steal my Peace yesterday,DID NOT work, Praise God!  ...we went to a wonderful meeting a some Lovely people from Cameroon, really full of the Holy Spirit,we took Sandras friend John, and Darren and they seemed mto be really blessed!!..Home meetings really are great, everyone can contribute, i have a dose of the Runs today,could be because of the effort to steal the Peace!..