Prayer meeting

We had a great meeting last night, not a lot of prayer, but its a start!!!!...it feels that the Lord really is in it, because it has happened without any words from me, i  did not have to speak about it to Mike, shows me i should leave things to God and not step in so fast!! I hope i listen to my own advice!!

Dads and prodigals

Feeling pretty good today, which maybe is not so appropriate considering my Mum died just three weeks ago!!..after the whole christmas humbug stuff i suppose it had to get better!... there was only one way to go after all! (cue song,,',the only way is up baby')...sad...
In the end it was 58 views on here, boxing day, and tuesday! Mikes fixing the car for me today, Alternator has gone, first time anything has gone wrong with the engine in TEN years, amazing....
Friday night prayer meetings restored, thank you Lord,t(he Ex seems to have given up, after six months, )...the Lord has restored my relationship with my  prodigal son, Joe,and He has restored my Dad to me after 33 years, amazing!!....Mike is back to his usual self, after only a month!!!... God is so good,what the enemy meant for bad,(loads of aggravation pre funeral), He has turned round, and turned it into blessings! Hallelujah!!!.....( like Joseph in the Bible calling his oldest son Ephraim,..' the Lord has made me fruitful in the land of my suffering' ) Praise Him!

Bah humbug

Very surprised to see that 41 people have viewed my blog today, and its only 8a.m here!!! really bemused, cant think my life would be that interesting to anyone.......
Mike insisted on spending the day alone yesterday, despite me asking him to come here,i rang him on Christmas Eve and said' what are you doing tommorow?' he said 'cleaning out the garage'!!!........he said he wanted a peaceful day!!! i really envy him, it felt like that line in that song'Ode to Billy-Joe' here yesterday,' i have been cooking all day and you hardly ate a thing'!!!..felt quite resentful at some points yesterday because i had asked for help,  buying the food and preparing it...got none of course!! then just decided its just us womens life...ah me...
I did have help from my youngest son Joe on Christmas eve, cleaning,so should not be too ungrateful!
Feel a lot like Scrooge in Dickens work, at Christmas,not the meanness but the whole Xmas Humbug,once a year the rest of the world celebates my Saviour,how? by honouring Him and getting saved ?,...no by pagan feasting and drinking too much!...bah humbug!.....
Usually something happens and i get the christmas spirit, like Scrooge,not this year though, few tears for my Brother who died on Christmas day 78,and i suppose i did lose my Mum too this month, so should not be too hard on myself!! and on others!!! so had my oldest 'N' and Joe and Darren, who was sick cos he ate too quick, a first for me!! some one sick after my cooking!....

Prayer partners and old enemies

Poor Mike,all his friends have seemed to desert him,a friend of his who he has done decorating for, taken for trips, and who he visits every day, has not visited him in two weeks,and only once when he was in hospital,the Ex,Howard, who he said he was 'very close too'was round his house 10 days ago, and when Mike asked him to do some decorating,he refused and told Mike he needed to go back'up the hospital, and get a life' He did call me his prayer partner yesterday, which was nice,i had been quite annoyed as i had offered to go and pray with him on friday last week,he had said 'maybe not'( as the Ex may come round any time), seeing as he had seen him at the churh that day and they had not spoken to each other,it was unlikely he would just turn up!!... So i had decided to talk to him about it in a few weeks, whem he was a bit better,surely prompted by the Lord,so was really pleased when he said we should have a prayer meeting even at his house! I have told him that in a few weeks when Ben goes back to friday night youth club i would like to start them again at his house!

Bombastic bullies 2, bluster, and hot air

So.. the bully has let me know because it was published in my blog, she will be taking 'further measures'!!!! no names have been mentioned!! and then the bully said the womans behaviour was 'not very christian',..the bully is a humanist-athiest,surely humanist dont support bad treatment of disabled people either,or support breaking the u.k's disabily rights act?... Well enough of bullies for now,Mike has been discharged from Mental hospital,my ex-husband's (the good one) girlfriend's grandson, born on 22nd was very ill shortly after birth, and he asked me to pray, i asked a few others to pray too, and he is off oxygen now! Praise God, glory to Him!..

Bithchy Bullies

Today i want to describe someone who has bullied and abused two disabled people,this person thinks it is o.k to stop a young disabled man of 22 from going to appointments, just because they are disabled,told the boys mum not to bring him to other appointments even though she was not able to get anyone to take care of her son.A person who ignored her own relations as kids when they spoke to her? Bullied ,harrassed two disabled people when she could not get her own way,subjected the disabled boys mother to abuse, and intimidation...Is an Executor of a will,.. but insisted the Mother of this young Man pay for a car that had been left to her other son,leaving the family without the money to pay for necessary heating.. And as they sit crouching over the faulty old heaters, they wonder if she, in her centrally heated house would treat a dog so badly? Is shouting and abuse the way to deal with Disabled people?...When this person could not get the Sons mum to agree with her wishes, she rang all their distant elderly relations to complain that the boys mum was 'suicidal and depressed'which effectively meant the Woman and her children were shunned at family events... How can you deal with people like this? Bullies?.. Can you choose to avoid them? What about if they are in your own family? how do you cope then?....If they are your neigbours?.. This Person is breaking the Law,the disability rights Law says 'disabled people should never be denied acces to services solely on their disability' should she be reported to the Police?...

Bombastic bullys 1 and stalkers

I have been thinking a lot about being bullied in the past,i dont want to have what our yankie friends call a pity party,i am more curious why its done,recently someone tried to bully me again,i let it go for a while, cos i am basically lazy,and made excuses not to be around the person, but circumstances meant i had to be around them, temporarily anyway. I have been researching,the reasons 'control freaks',are the way they are...mostly the conclusion is that they are basically very scared, insecure people who only feel safe when in control,and most of the advice is to avoid them like the plague!!!( a natural reaction)!!your mind is saying 'run, run . run!' I have been plagued with these people all my life, why are they attracted to me? even when i have chosen a friend who is diametrically opposite this when i first meet them they turn into this!!!!..it must be me!!or it could be the enemy of our souls is doing this..it has meant that i do feel scared to venture out,and make new friends,(as well as avoiding the stalker Ex) Well i will be writing more about what has been happening behind the scenes in the next week.

Good friend, and ungrateful Ex's

Mike has been let out of the mental hospital for the weekend,he is very happy about that!..He kicked out the Ex, after he had asked him to do some decorating,(his profession when he can be bothered to work),he said he was fed up with decorating, then told Mike to 'go back to hospital, and get a life'.He is round Mikes a lot always having meals,and this is the way he treats him? how can he call himself a christian? Mike said he thought he might be upset cos he knew i was giving Mike a lift.so this gave me an insight into his motives, he is not jealous of me being friends with Mike,so...it must be that he thought he had taken another friend away from me, or..what? turned Mike against me,as he did with my other friends and my daughter!!..He has not suceeded...so sad..!!!He is not going to win,i am enjoying this

Mike the mechanic

Mike been let out of the hospital for the night last night,he was so kind, he took my car and had the Battery changed, which i had only had for a month,i really couldnt cope with doing it, yesterday.He is so much better,as usual he has had to threaten to take themto a tribunal to chllenge the lenght of the Section (under the mental health act)
I have been having some aggavation from my Sister, which i am not going to go into now,i am finally able to forgive,(after three days) i was curious yesterday as to why it was happening, and then remembered the prayers about Emily,and it was if a light had been turned on!!..The enemy of our soul was not happy, we rattled his cage! Praise the Lord!
One good thing which has happened through all this is that i am now in contact with my Dad again,and my Ex-husband Mark (the good one)said that he had always thought' that your Dad was not such a bad guy, just a bit abrupt !!..) It was a revelation to me,as it was not something that could ever be said around my sister or Mum,i dont know if my Mum ever let go of her unforgiveness,she never stopped loving him,He has been married to someone else for over thirty years and seems happy, he and my Mum were never happy.
So i have let go of any unforgiveness that was left towards my Dad, and as my Mum said sorry for the way she treated me, i have forgiven her too, took a while, but i am there now!Praise Him...

shopping malls and control freaks

The Dream i had about my parents old house and Nicky seem painfully clear now, obviously the change in my life is that my Mum has died, and i am entering a new phase of my life, which as i said before When i dream about houses means a change in my life, and I know the Lord was telling me that my Mum was going to die.

Lithium and Vicars

Mike is allowed home during the day,he rang me but was convinced that someone was listening to our conversation!He is so much better,i think they have put him on higher dose of lithium.
We went to arrange the funeral,the Vicar is a born again christian! he lives in the Vicarage where my best friend at school Ruth lived, and it turns out that when He was a new christian Ruths Dad just saw him, and Prophesied that he was called to our town! its a small world,he also said that there was a work of God happening in the Church, and they have had healings,its amazing, in a Church of England Church.!!..Its amazing God has His people everywhere! Praise Him

brass heaven,and prayers just reaching the ceiling

On monday night i felt so bad, and completely overwhelmed at the situation, could not feel the Presence of God,my spiritual feeling was completely grounded, i felt He had left me, 'that the heavens were brass' i then just remember the words 'I will never leave you or forsake you'So of course we should never trust our emotions,

Mum

Cant cry, when my brother died,Mum said it 'was to big to cry about',i never remember her crying about it.Or not in front of anyone else.That was my Mums personality all over, she was a private person.I feel so tired all the time though,like Nicky said there seems to be a stone in my stomach,its such an effort to walk all my limbs feel really heavy.
Mike was allowed out of hospital for a few hours yesterday,he rang and Prayed for me.
On Monday night when we came home for a break i was at the end of my ability to endure going there again,just could not face it.I think i would have fainted if i had tried.I think my sister was the same,and when they rang and said her breathing had changed again, i had lost the ability to make any decision to go again.So she died alone,peacefully and with dignity.Which knowing Mum was what she would have wanted,she would not have wanted us to see her die, and yet that is what we both wanted, or thought we did,probably because we thought it was the right thing to do.
Every time we were there she rallied,she was making an effort for us,Nicky told her several times it was o.k to go,she knew we could'nt endure anymore.Last thing i said to her was 'see you soon'I really hope she reached out to God as she died.
There were several things on her window sill,a picture of Mike,a picture of Mum aged about 15,a picture of all of us on the climbing frame.and a carving Mike had made at school.they were all knocked over except the picture of Mum.

Passing of the best Mother

Mum died tonight at 8.30p.m

Visiting Mike

We finally were able to visit Mike on saturday, seems much better.I was called into the care home yesterday morning,at 6.am, her breathing was getting worse, its called 'chain stoking',she stopped breathing a few times when we were there too,quite shocking,her heart is now shutting down and concentrating on keeping the main organs going.Its really just a matter of time,God is in control.Praise Him

sledgehammers

Mum is still going,she seems very comfortable, the nurses and carers where she is are great, relly loving and kind to her.I am surprised to hear that my mum has left me some money,i did not think there would be any left as she has been in the care home for 5 years.It does not matter much at all to me, i am really unmaterialistic, and i feel bad even saying about it when she is still here, although me and Nicky were discussing her funeral on the phone when i was sitting next to her!!..
I have not been to see Mike, would have usually done by now, but just too much going on with Mum.It took them two days to get him into the Mental hospital,at the end they had to stop him taking a sledge hammer to his car!
I had a dream about my Ex,we were somewhere, on a adventure holiday,he was there, i was pretty indifferent about him, but as always very wary of him, and careful never to be alone with him,i had a sense of a lot of emotions around the situation, which were not coming from me,is God saying just being around him is giving him hope. that i will take him back? The Irony of the situation is that he is watching me,and i am watching him, but for different reasons! But i did not choose this situation, he did.i really dont want to go into this whole situation again. I just wish i didn't have these creepy dreams!!!..

Sisters and nurses

Got called up again as my Mum had bad breathing,she has rallied again though, very tough lady, she has not been able to take food for a week, but is still taking water,so while there is life there is hope!My Mum is a wonderful person, a great Mum, and though sometimes we did have a difficult relationship, i am very glad God chose her as my Mum,she was kind, very gentle, always had time for me, was my best friend, always ready to give advice, if i was having a problem with my children, when i brought them up on my own,she had a very high powered Job, had trained hard to get there,a Registered Nurse, a Midwife, then as Health Visitor, brought us three children up, despite having to work, many house moves and shielded us from the worst effects of Life, and a husband who eventually she split up from. just as my brother became ill and died.I am so proud of her.