Well after the last very positive post,which someone +1'd,i didn't feel like posting anything again!..i don't write in this blog for anyone else i don't want to make money or want other people to hear my opinion, like my sister who cant have a thought without sharing it with her flying monkeys on twitter, and watch out anyone who dares to disagree with anything she says!.. she sets her monkeys on them and everything about the other person is dissected endlessly!!
When i comment she warns them off me, as i am obviously 'deficient' as she has diagnosed my as having Autism, and got some poor doctors to agree with her!!, (after they were paid a lot of money, of course!!) that is the way of medicine now,decide you have a condition, try to force a doctor to agree, and then if they have too much backbone to be bullied PAY!!
You have to admire the vast lack of medical knowledge!! (or remember the Solicitor's face after she had been blasted, for daring to ask about Mums ashes being buried!!)
Controlling people , just got to love them!!!...how would us boring, mundane, decent people ever last in life with just peace and quiet!! the chance would be a fine thing.. never gonna get it tho!!,so what is the answer?, do we turn into them, become suspicious of everyone else, and endlessly emotionally batter others until we get our own way?, its the Unjust Judge all over again!!, (from the Bible,a woman had to keep pestering a Judge until she got justice),of course we know because we (or me anyway,!) trust the Bible that she was a Good person, and therefore had a just cause.
Controllers, or the' wicked witches of the west',use those same tactics to get their own way, under the guise of helping others!...its drip drip drip, the Chinese water torture,and the Judge gives in for a peaceful life!!!. most of us give in after a long campaign of pestering,i.e from children...but when its from adults who knowingly over-ride another's free will and freedom to decide for themselves... it called ABUSE!!
Sunday 29 November 2015
Wednesday 25 November 2015
full moon, the enemies whispering campaign
Its full moon again so no one is sleeping in my house tonight!! i haven't been checking when it is so haven't done the border, i have lost my Calendar with all the full moons on it! Every night for the last week i have seen the moon get fuller and thought its 'not there yet!!..' not quite there yet,even tonight it didn't seem really full, but when i came back i checked on the internet for dates!!..of course with Ben not sleeping we are hardly ever out of the house when it it daylight, like Vampires..and there have not been many meetings over the past week,and they are usually in the evening anyway, of course this time of year there is not much daylight anyway,it gets light around 7.am, and dark at 4,which i guess is 9 hours!!it will get darker still, until the shortest day which is the winter solstice on the 22nd of December, so although it is depressing, in fact its only about 3 and a half weeks till we get more daylight!!
I have been making the untidyness of the house not so much of a big deal for me, the Enemy knows this used to be a big area in my life where guilt and shame were massive,and to be honest now its not such a problem to me i cant really understand it looking back...it was so deep and such a secret shame!,i was really doing the Enemies work for him!.. i used to think that it would be so hard to let people into the house, and it really was for me, i built up what people said about it being untidy to such a shame, such a huge thing, what a waste of time!! and its a bit strange how much it has changed!! its not a hang up any more, and it was really bad!!
I know it started with Jon making comments, little sly ones like, "its your house, as long as YOU like it", little drops of poison!!... i know i felt some sense of deliverance recently, which i have not felt for years too, that must have been when it went!! i don't have to let anyone in my house, and the way that the Husky (Suki) jumps up at people and has to be kept on a lead all the time, make it difficult to have visitors anyway!! so it released something in me,maybe its not such a perfect thing, my house,but i never hated it until others said stuff about it!!, so i compared myself to them,(i remember once in a radio play, "someone said that artists house is a mess, artists always have messy houses" what a revelation to me!!)
I am a very innocent person it has taken me all my life to work out how other people are, i find others fascinating, and in my darkest hour i did put that down to being 'Aspergers' which i am not,( a vile person i am genetically linked to decided she thought i was on the spectrum), and of course the so called 'state' of the house was one thing she used to justify this!!..I have been in her house, and like Ken,my ex father in Laws house, it is so clean, and sparkly that its really uncomfortable to be there!!, i feel like i am making it untidy just standing there!! but that's the way the controlling abusive people in the world judge women, (looks and housekeeping).
If they decide to have a house (not a home) that looks like a hospital,or a museum,that is their choice! (Just don't expect anyone to feel comfortable in it)!!.the other people who have critised my house?, the most recent one, being a HOARDER,whose house you cant actually walk around except a tiny path through high cliffs of plastic boxes, (which her mother made her buy, previously it was just 6 foot piles of things).
In a way i suppose i am just falling into the old trap of saying" you don't have a right to criticise me because you are not perfect, and do , a ,or b ,or c sins yourself"!!, which is totally wrong as a Christian! its Judging others!! which is of course the trap the Enemy of our souls WANTS us to get into because it is Sin and forbidden by by the Word of God!
The years of abuse had changed me into a self blamer,i didn't used to be like that, i was a placid peaceful soul, who saw good in everyone and never judged others! I was perfect abuser fodder!!!.. i am so thankful that the Lord has freed me from this He is SO good!! maybe i am just so tired (with not much sleep) that i don't really care about the whispering voices (of condemnation), or too tired to hear them, that's not true!
He has dealt with them, i don't really want to blame abusers for anything anymore! these sad pathetic losers have no power to control any more, BUT, then again i am not going to fall into the trap of pitying them either,like some psychologists, who say " they have been bullied,abused", like they are not responsible for their actions!!NO NO NO! (abusers laughing hysterically and high five-ing in the background)!!.. they had a choice every time they chose to raise a fist,or open their mouths, to spew out vile destroying words. God has given them free will just like the rest of us!!.I suppose what i am very badly trying to say is that they are small...insignificant..in my life.. i get angry sometimes when another loser raises there ugly head, but it doesn't and cant change me anymore!! and they soon disappear back to their father, Satan!!.
I have been making the untidyness of the house not so much of a big deal for me, the Enemy knows this used to be a big area in my life where guilt and shame were massive,and to be honest now its not such a problem to me i cant really understand it looking back...it was so deep and such a secret shame!,i was really doing the Enemies work for him!.. i used to think that it would be so hard to let people into the house, and it really was for me, i built up what people said about it being untidy to such a shame, such a huge thing, what a waste of time!! and its a bit strange how much it has changed!! its not a hang up any more, and it was really bad!!
I know it started with Jon making comments, little sly ones like, "its your house, as long as YOU like it", little drops of poison!!... i know i felt some sense of deliverance recently, which i have not felt for years too, that must have been when it went!! i don't have to let anyone in my house, and the way that the Husky (Suki) jumps up at people and has to be kept on a lead all the time, make it difficult to have visitors anyway!! so it released something in me,maybe its not such a perfect thing, my house,but i never hated it until others said stuff about it!!, so i compared myself to them,(i remember once in a radio play, "someone said that artists house is a mess, artists always have messy houses" what a revelation to me!!)
I am a very innocent person it has taken me all my life to work out how other people are, i find others fascinating, and in my darkest hour i did put that down to being 'Aspergers' which i am not,( a vile person i am genetically linked to decided she thought i was on the spectrum), and of course the so called 'state' of the house was one thing she used to justify this!!..I have been in her house, and like Ken,my ex father in Laws house, it is so clean, and sparkly that its really uncomfortable to be there!!, i feel like i am making it untidy just standing there!! but that's the way the controlling abusive people in the world judge women, (looks and housekeeping).
If they decide to have a house (not a home) that looks like a hospital,or a museum,that is their choice! (Just don't expect anyone to feel comfortable in it)!!.the other people who have critised my house?, the most recent one, being a HOARDER,whose house you cant actually walk around except a tiny path through high cliffs of plastic boxes, (which her mother made her buy, previously it was just 6 foot piles of things).
In a way i suppose i am just falling into the old trap of saying" you don't have a right to criticise me because you are not perfect, and do , a ,or b ,or c sins yourself"!!, which is totally wrong as a Christian! its Judging others!! which is of course the trap the Enemy of our souls WANTS us to get into because it is Sin and forbidden by by the Word of God!
The years of abuse had changed me into a self blamer,i didn't used to be like that, i was a placid peaceful soul, who saw good in everyone and never judged others! I was perfect abuser fodder!!!.. i am so thankful that the Lord has freed me from this He is SO good!! maybe i am just so tired (with not much sleep) that i don't really care about the whispering voices (of condemnation), or too tired to hear them, that's not true!
He has dealt with them, i don't really want to blame abusers for anything anymore! these sad pathetic losers have no power to control any more, BUT, then again i am not going to fall into the trap of pitying them either,like some psychologists, who say " they have been bullied,abused", like they are not responsible for their actions!!NO NO NO! (abusers laughing hysterically and high five-ing in the background)!!.. they had a choice every time they chose to raise a fist,or open their mouths, to spew out vile destroying words. God has given them free will just like the rest of us!!.I suppose what i am very badly trying to say is that they are small...insignificant..in my life.. i get angry sometimes when another loser raises there ugly head, but it doesn't and cant change me anymore!! and they soon disappear back to their father, Satan!!.
Saturday 21 November 2015
Parent Alienation Syndrome? or Emotional Abuse
Parental alienation syndrome is largely rejected now,probably right because as usual it only refers to women, yet another Victim Blaming tactic,by Abusive men who further use the children after the have been kicked out by the woman,once they have access to the children they can behave as they like, the kids become frightened because the Mother is not there to protect them, the man is angry that she dared to stand up to him by finally leaving and, gets revenge on her by poisoning the child's mind against her,not caring enough or at all for the child, who needs a dependable loving parent.He has nothing but spite for her, because of course a person cannot love another that they hurt with enjoyment or relish...Abusers don't love anyone but themselves and anyone who thwarts them will pay.I studied long into the night about this as i have slowly come to the realization that this has been used against me,which has come as a shock after so many years.Its emotional abuse, and recognized as such by the courts,its been a shock to me that its not just the abusers, but their parents that do this...`but if someone produces a selfish self-centered child, who loves only himself, who made him this way? their parents!, who build up their obviously lacking child to believe they are a prince, entitled to behave with no conscience, and treat all women like dirt...
Thursday 19 November 2015
motor neuron disease, and bowling
Helen has got Motor neuron disease,its really sad..everyone at the Stafford meeting was so encouraging, and prayed for them both!..He told me on Saturday morning, it is really sad, she is upset because she cant speak very well or sing anymore, she is a wonderful Evangelist, she can talk to anybody and they just see the Holy Spirit shine out from her,she is believing that the lord is going to heal her!! she is such a wonderful Sister in Him, and one of those wonderful people who never says anything bad about another person.
On Saturday i took Max out with Tash and Joe and Daisy, which was not very pleasant as Joe was hinting that it was Tash that reported them to the Social services...and making some veiled threats that if it happened again,he wouldn't put up with it, and worst of all that he didn't think it was Jon,and that "Dads not THAT bad"!!!!....
He is friends with Jon now,and didn't tell me which was the most upsetting part, as he was determined to never talk to him again, so i supported him, offered to take the Baby to His grandparents which they were grateful for.. i even stood up to Jon's sister Belinda for them, and told her how awful it was that she spoke to Daisy so badly when she wasn't even there when Joe fell out with his Dad..( i am sorry to say she, Belinda is as nasty and violent as Jon). I have, and never would, want to stop Joe seeing his Dad,(in fact Jon used to use access to further abuse me,until we started the access at The Grandparents).I don't think i can sit back and watch him being treated like this again.. .So its all very disappointing, and sad...Ben still does not want to see his Dad.
On Saturday i took Max out with Tash and Joe and Daisy, which was not very pleasant as Joe was hinting that it was Tash that reported them to the Social services...and making some veiled threats that if it happened again,he wouldn't put up with it, and worst of all that he didn't think it was Jon,and that "Dads not THAT bad"!!!!....
He is friends with Jon now,and didn't tell me which was the most upsetting part, as he was determined to never talk to him again, so i supported him, offered to take the Baby to His grandparents which they were grateful for.. i even stood up to Jon's sister Belinda for them, and told her how awful it was that she spoke to Daisy so badly when she wasn't even there when Joe fell out with his Dad..( i am sorry to say she, Belinda is as nasty and violent as Jon). I have, and never would, want to stop Joe seeing his Dad,(in fact Jon used to use access to further abuse me,until we started the access at The Grandparents).I don't think i can sit back and watch him being treated like this again.. .So its all very disappointing, and sad...Ben still does not want to see his Dad.
Friday 13 November 2015
Boring sooo boring...
I am really amazed that anyone ever reads this stuff the mundane things of my life a real boring enough for me, i don't know why anyone would ever want to read it!! My creative writing teacher says i wrote 'interesting stories', which was nice to hear! but that was one of stories mostly about my family!!i suppose living in Africa might be interesting...or living in Ireland, i suppose since i have been keeping a Diary since i was 8 may be interesting,..Dave said it was an amazing resource, but i don't write about any of these things,most of that stuff is on the care-write blog, not on here, so why read it?, i suppose i do find other peoples everyday lives interesting, fascinating actually! but i find these blogs do not last very long, i suppose like me they get bored putting down the mundane everyday stuff,i do come from a family of writers, Mum,Dad, even my Sister,Mums never got published though neither did my Dads first Spy book!!
Thursday 12 November 2015
three conversations...
As usual i have stated to post with no real idea what to say,i am hopping that the Lord will give me something!! until then i will just update on what is going on in my life, Ben is not well, Joe and Daisy are going to get married!! we are seeing the Vicar this weekend, they are nervous to go on their own, it a church of England church where Joe was Christened as a baby and linked to the school he went to!
Tashie's house is nearly built, just the roof to go on now, and my other son-in-law Andy is going to do that!Ben has the cold i have had, so has Joe and Daisy and Baby.It has been really un-seasonal warm weather here,(i am British i have to talk about the weather) it's strange,sometimes in October we get warm weather but never in November!!
My friend Helen seems to be getting better, she has a voice problem, her voice fades when she is talking,she can speak for longer, so Praise God for that.Mark my ex-husband, the really nice one, has been in contact, and is doing really well, he has given up the alcohol,in fact in all the time i have known him this is only the third conversation i have EVER had when he is sober!!,(we met in 76')..God is so amazing!!!
i would like the give Mark the credit but i know its the Lord,who has healed him, not him or de-tox!!.
Darren has got Diabetes, and i don't envy his carers trying to get him to eat the right things!!, Mike's gone to ground, or as Brian calls it 'on a downer'he can't help it i suppose!!i was struggling with forgiveness for a few days, but not now God is good!..
i am re-doing my front room...i had the floors stripped in January, but i didn't put the right stuff on to finish it so i am going to have to get something easier to clean...probably lino!!
Tashie's house is nearly built, just the roof to go on now, and my other son-in-law Andy is going to do that!Ben has the cold i have had, so has Joe and Daisy and Baby.It has been really un-seasonal warm weather here,(i am British i have to talk about the weather) it's strange,sometimes in October we get warm weather but never in November!!
My friend Helen seems to be getting better, she has a voice problem, her voice fades when she is talking,she can speak for longer, so Praise God for that.Mark my ex-husband, the really nice one, has been in contact, and is doing really well, he has given up the alcohol,in fact in all the time i have known him this is only the third conversation i have EVER had when he is sober!!,(we met in 76')..God is so amazing!!!
i would like the give Mark the credit but i know its the Lord,who has healed him, not him or de-tox!!.
Darren has got Diabetes, and i don't envy his carers trying to get him to eat the right things!!, Mike's gone to ground, or as Brian calls it 'on a downer'he can't help it i suppose!!i was struggling with forgiveness for a few days, but not now God is good!..
i am re-doing my front room...i had the floors stripped in January, but i didn't put the right stuff on to finish it so i am going to have to get something easier to clean...probably lino!!
Saturday 7 November 2015
Cold, and the Bishop
I have a rotten cold today...last night my nose was constantly streaming! i managed to get Ben to youth club though,i even broke my diet and had a whole bag of sweets, and a large bottle of fizzy drink,my scales say i have lost a stone in weight,7 kgs, i don't know if my scale is accurate, but i know Ben weighs about 9 half stone,maybe ten, and he weighed 9.5 on the scale so i think i have lost at least a half stone!! going to see the slimming nurse next week, and i cant wait to see what i have lost.
I know that when i have seen Howard usualy the stress causes me to have the runs the next day,not that this time,but i have been eating a lot of good food in the last 4-5 weeks including fruit so i am not run down, and susceptible to cold viruses. we had a great concert on Wednesday,it seemed to go well and the Bishop was there, he was on "songs of praise on Sunday" and had had his photo taken with Brian on his bike just before the local agricultural show in March!
I know that when i have seen Howard usualy the stress causes me to have the runs the next day,not that this time,but i have been eating a lot of good food in the last 4-5 weeks including fruit so i am not run down, and susceptible to cold viruses. we had a great concert on Wednesday,it seemed to go well and the Bishop was there, he was on "songs of praise on Sunday" and had had his photo taken with Brian on his bike just before the local agricultural show in March!
Friday 6 November 2015
Monster mash..
I am really annoyed,i have just rung Mike,and he has got Howard doing decorating for him.. that's entirely up to him of course! but it seems i cant go that side of town without seeing him in the last week, i was taking the grandchildren out last Friday and he literally rode past my car! Tash and i both groaned at the same time!!, (on Sunday i was driving back from Sunday lunch and just saw him ride into a supermarket),this is really annoying because it happened the same way years ago, at one point for about two weeks when ever i went out he was riding past, i was even in Nathans office and saw him ride past from an upstairs window!!,it wasn't co-incidence, it was different times of the day,different days of the week,i felt haunted and definitely Stalked!..
Why is this happening again? i don't even blame him!! he wouldn't know what i am doing,no one knew the times i would be around that area!!It must be the Enemy, i ask the Lord to turn back any curses that are sent my way, and turn them back as blessings wherever they come from, every day!!
Joe and Daisy have been bullied into agreeing to let Jon see the Baby for an hour once a month, they gave in because he was putting threats on facebook,that he would go to the solicitor,call social services on them...they gave in, they aren't bothered about Jon so much as the rest of their family,Joe's Grandparents, and his Aunts and cousins,they want her to see and be part of life.
I have just checked back, and it was 2012,June and i said "out of the seven times i have been out of the house in the last two weeks i have seen him three times"(Howard) of course it just seems such a co-incidence that he is now painting Mikes house!! I know that there are no such things as Co-incidences, its the Enemy of our Soul every time,i have been having bad dreams for the last week and there have been noises in the house too,just today a resin garden table top has fallen over twice, it was propped up in the garden there is hardly any wind out side , i just picked it up, and stood and watched it for a few minutes, the trees were moving slowly, certainly not strong enough to blow any thing over, then there was a wind low down in the garden quite strong,but the trees above weren't moving?..considering i have a narrow garden with high fences,solid wood and a high hedge, where did this wind come from,my washing line has broken, as if it has been cut many times,Tash came round through the back garden at night and had apples thrown at her from an Empty garden...I really hate that the enemy of out soul thinks he can do this in my house,i belong to the Lamb of God, i am a blood bought child of the Living God, he has no right to do these things to me or my family...I am angry now and am going to do something about this!
Why is this happening again? i don't even blame him!! he wouldn't know what i am doing,no one knew the times i would be around that area!!It must be the Enemy, i ask the Lord to turn back any curses that are sent my way, and turn them back as blessings wherever they come from, every day!!
Joe and Daisy have been bullied into agreeing to let Jon see the Baby for an hour once a month, they gave in because he was putting threats on facebook,that he would go to the solicitor,call social services on them...they gave in, they aren't bothered about Jon so much as the rest of their family,Joe's Grandparents, and his Aunts and cousins,they want her to see and be part of life.
I have just checked back, and it was 2012,June and i said "out of the seven times i have been out of the house in the last two weeks i have seen him three times"(Howard) of course it just seems such a co-incidence that he is now painting Mikes house!! I know that there are no such things as Co-incidences, its the Enemy of our Soul every time,i have been having bad dreams for the last week and there have been noises in the house too,just today a resin garden table top has fallen over twice, it was propped up in the garden there is hardly any wind out side , i just picked it up, and stood and watched it for a few minutes, the trees were moving slowly, certainly not strong enough to blow any thing over, then there was a wind low down in the garden quite strong,but the trees above weren't moving?..considering i have a narrow garden with high fences,solid wood and a high hedge, where did this wind come from,my washing line has broken, as if it has been cut many times,Tash came round through the back garden at night and had apples thrown at her from an Empty garden...I really hate that the enemy of out soul thinks he can do this in my house,i belong to the Lamb of God, i am a blood bought child of the Living God, he has no right to do these things to me or my family...I am angry now and am going to do something about this!
Wednesday 4 November 2015
wedding?
I have had a nice surprise today, Joe and Daisy want to get married in a church, and are going to see the Vicar, at the Church down the road from here, where Joe was Christened.So that is exciting news! I have got a concert today with the Gospel Choir,Ben is still not getting up early though...but Darren is very helpful and because he stays here it means i get to do the things i want to do!So life is good!God is good.
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