Groundhog Day, or groundhog life?

I have been reading a post from December 2018, i really could have been written yesterday.. a lot of my posts are like that, hence the title, my bland life,or on a negative day, my crap life!...i am a bit annoyed about how insipid i am!!!...i was so glad that Joe had a Job and i suppose after what he had been through it was pretty amazing...grudgingly given as i am still really disappointed in Joe, and i know i should not say this but alarmed at how much he is like his Dad... I thought i could see good in him,especially as he seemed to want to follow God, i know the "God thing' has worked for me He has literally brought me through the worst times of my life, and then thinking that i am probably the most abused person in the world,but giving Glory to God for bringing me through actually doesnt help me to not go down the path to pity party..i remember saying to someone that my Brother had died on Christmas day, they were completely shock and frankly appalled! Just the tip of the Iceberg , i thought if only he knew about all the other stuff! I feel marvelously brave sometimes, 'just me and God, and Ben against the world, but i am not Brave...so today to disprove these thoughts i have put my bio on Gettr...and the address of this blog! only the third time recently that i have done shared it with anybody, yes its a public blog, but its really more of an online Diary...

Dads birthday today, and I have lived in this town since 1969!

My Dad was born in 1934,it is his birthday today,he died in 2015,and i have lived here since 20th of January 1969!...i would try to work out how long that is but everytime i do i get a different number!,(i have the maths ability of an 11 yr old, and degree level English, which was found when i was given an apptitude test in my early 20's.)

An inconvenient collection of cells, or planned and made by God?

I reluctantly tuned my digital t.v. into an 'old fashioned' radio channel,TWR, i was tuning it into have background noise, and God had to shout to get it into my thick head!!...Sigh!...i am sorry now,that i thought that, because God had planned to bless me through it! (i am quickly trying to get this down before i forget!) i was blessed by the guy talking, in a kind of 'word for the day"broadcast that, "You are exactly the right height for what God wants you to do", i may have bought into the worldly obsession with looks,and judging by first immpressions,and that we dont matter because we are all 'accidents'... its not really the "world" of course but straight from the very PIT OF HELL..sometimes recently i have felt like an old medieaval victim of Leprosy that had to go around with a sign saying Unclean, or women who had to carry round a "Red A'for Adulteress...because the way the world has been recently we have all looked at each other as sources of potential infection with the Virus. I know in my Mind that God planned and made me, and that he was there when the car i was in ages 3, fell off a Cliff,when molesters tried to abuse, and the times when they suceeded,i know God saved me, that he was the responsible Parent to me, and i have to repent of blaming my mother for some of this, and of course the 'world' would say yes 'she didnt protect you',so how do i 'honour' her then?' as the ten commandments say i should 'Honour my Mother', i am still working on that,and i will go into that further one day, as i dont want to get distracted from the main point of this! There is a big difference in believing with my concious mind that God planned me for every area in my life, to be a mother, and a Carer! its amazing,and i am so grateful that God is speaking through me everyday to help Ben grow as a Man, to use his voice, if only to me at the moment..But he has a voice,which people who should know better, his dr,have judged him as without understanding, because he chooses not to talk to people..

Occupation? "Urban terrorist/Supermodel"

I wish I was having a personality crisis, wondering who I am? Am I a daughter,Mum, Grandmother? An Evangelist? NO,it doesn’t matter who I believe I am!!...yesterday someone in Church felt that Psalm 31 was for someone in Church that morning,in it it says, your neighbours 'will hate you'..while I don’t actually like my Neighbours much, they don’t even hate me any more! And to be honest my one Neighbour has born again people on either side of him now! So his attitude to me has changed to the point where he actually spoke to me! I know terrorism is not anything to joke about,though, but sometimes my really disrespectful neighbours do bring out the Inner "redneck"...The Girlfriend of the lead singer of the doors, described herself as "ornamental" when asked by a reporter who she was! I hope she became a supermodel,shes hilarious!!

Delusions of Gangster?

Ben talks a lot about being brave, being a tough Guy, its important to him, but annoying when he doesnt want me to go out of the house alone! I told him its a thing God has put in Men to Protect their family...then we talked about Joe his brother,who like his Dad regard themselves as real tough guys, but actually dont rush to protect at all!!, talking Big!! talks a good fight!!,Years ago myself and the Kids and Jon were in the local park and some annoying guys were kicking a ball around and it was getting close to the kids, he wouldnt do anything,and when it eventualy hit Bens puschair, HIS kid,he looked the other way, i was furious and went up to one of the football players poked him in the chest,as high as i could reach! and told him off! Jons reaction was to say"i wasnt going to do anything because he was bigger than me"....and we had the same thing with Joe when he refused to do anything about a disturbed teenager who had been calling Ben names,"weird guy"i had already been to the house and told the kids Dad....i wanted to go back and talk to the Dad about what went on,but Joe wouldnt...I was frankly appalled,but it took a long time to sink in, and any respect i had for him started to go... a lot of his character reminded me of his Dad,a guy went after him,he didnt fight back,and his young girlfriend jumped on the guys back,with him just saying to the guy, "if thats as hard as you can punch i am sorry for you" A cutting remark to be sure!! I feel qiuite bad that i have underestimated Ben, a lot of people do, even his own Dr,"who said the understanding is just not there",he has average intelligence,(said his child pyschiatrist)the same as anyone else, but because he chooses very carefully who he will talk too! people think he cant talk!! I have recorded a conversation i have had with Ben and will play it for the dr next time we see him!! no lack of understanding there mate! Strangely too, i was sitting right next to Ben with this same dr (on the other side of him),the dr was trying to persuade him to have an Injection, Ben clearly said "No", but the Dr kept on at him,with no response, later we got a print out of the Outcome of the consultation where the dr said Ben "had consented"NO he didnt,of course i would not accuse a medical professional of Coerction,maybe it was just a misunderstanding? Ben is terrified of needles.

Alice ate the Ice cream,Willow is 6 today. 'a day in the life'

What am i concerned about today? i always like looking back on the what i did on an individual day, yesterday i made scrambled egg on toast after getting up at 5.am,we went out for lunch with Tashy,Edith and Alice,i went to the Doctors for my appointment with the mental health nurse, and found out i had been given the wrong day, i am going today! I went home and parked the car, then i remembered i hadnt posted Willows 6th birthday present,and i had forgotten to pick up the present Tash had brought for the girls!.. so i texted her, and she rang me and said she had gone to my doctors to catch me before i posted it...a car ran into the back of her car, and the the old lady who was the passenger shouted that tash was a scammer! we had left early to get to the appointment and Ben had to leave his strawberry Ice cream, which Alice ate!! Cody has been losing weight he had started at 60kg,in december 2021, he now weighs 47, and they want him to go down to 37kg.Yesterday he growled at Ben...which was upsetting,but the best thing, is we only have to go on one walk with the huskys now, and although Cody does pull me sometimes, i am actually enjoying taking them,which is new!!.,i do have painful shoulders everytime, from being pulled but the pain soon goes with a hot Pad!..so i am walking further, (well dragged sometimes)!!,which obviously is good for me,mainly because i am not writing myself off as too disabled!..it might all come down to a nasty end if i am injured to a worse extent...but i am less fearful which is good... I really dont like talking about my everyday life, it seems so boring and mundane!!....but its good to look back on and it does show how i am growing as a person with the Lords help!! God is good,All the time!!Praise Him.

BOJO,, the Clown, and the fury of the British, Lazy Lisa rides again!!

Our Prime minister has provoked almost RUDENESS from Us!!, it takes a lot, Fury is not a British Characteristic,speaking personally anyway, i am too lazy, and just think 'Karma' will get them in the end(,not of course that i actually believe in Karma), maybe it should "what goes around comes around"!!! being half Irish of course, i am not so mild as the average English person! i may have a scary temper, but have to be pushed a long way before i lose it! laziness again!....maybe another Irish positive?, really just picking my battles...Ben had been getting right into my face,for 25 years,flicking his fingers,it all stopped after i said "how dare you"so angy he was taken aback,he did try a few times again! but the fury from before told him to pull back! I have just been reading a post from december "Taming of the Shrew" 2012,so almost 10 years,i was saying how much i thought some of my kids were misunderstood and not bullies at all....and that Joe was really good with Ben! How things change!! and they both have a good dose of their Dad Jons 'wind up merchant', to put it politely, with typical British understatment!.. Sometimes its really hard to love the more unpleasant of my Children, its hard to see how disrespectful they are to others, and how gullible to lies,about me...but time has gone by, and why should i expect loyalty just for being their Mother?, sometimes they resented being brought up on Welfare, i understand that...but to have this air of entitlement?... One in particular, Joe thinks he is entitled,to money,and never grateful, if he doesnt get it, he steals it...from two severelly disabled people, (me and Ben), its really hard to have any Pride in him,so now i doubt everything i have ever thought about him,did he ever tell me the truth?, who is he really?...but i am not getting into the Enemys trap of a 'pity party'too many times,hopefully not again!!! Just because some of the people in my life treat me like i am worth nothing does not mean i am! it hurts, of course it does!! i am human!, but i know i am loved by the Creator of the Universe, who IS the very Embodiment of Pure Love!

Contents of our hearts, or the contents of out Wallets, and Elvis

I am a sinner, i dont go to church when i can, i "neglect the gathering together",so what gives me the right to judge? i dont have any right!!.,judgement belongs to God and He alone! A wonderful Christian i know believes we should always give money,"How will they survive and do Gods work if we dont"?... Bono said in one of his songs,"Bullet The Blue Sky" ....."i cant tell the difference between ABC news, Hillstreet bues, and on the old time Gospel hour,stealing money from the old and the sick,the God i believe in is not short of Cash, Mister" Elvis went to a 'church', and came away and said, they are just interested in money...it was a Scientology "church",a poll of Americans were asked what the thought about the Church, they said just interested in money.. I must have a critical spirit then! because i just had a british Praise station on, and the announcer said, "our regional director will be talking to you soon"...i got a sinking feeling,and immediately thought,hes going to ask for money,and he has!..and they think that if an important person in their organisation talks to us they can get more cash out of us...my Bible says God meets all our needs, so if someone sends out a begging letter does it mean that they dont belong to God, because they are not "living by faith" I dont know the truth,but that judgement of the Wife of a presenter on Christian T.V. is wearing a low cut shirt, showing more than i want to see,or her husband is wearing a Toupee,how Vain must they be?i also hear there has been some financial inconsistenties, so i turn to "wordly" T.V,i see bald men,attracive women who dont need to show their Breasts...maybe i am falling into the Enemies trap? In the end we all have to answer to God...

On the way back?

I am on the way back! I had to get really honest with the Lord,yesterday and repent of unforgiveness,so today i feel better, a lot better! Praise God...and yes i had to repent of despising my old believing self! ( I had been reading some of my old posts), and was shocked that i was such a good christian...'thanks goodness i am not that way anymore'.. i am ashamed to say...and one i have just realised i forgot is that i maybe blamed God for some of the really bad stuff that has happened to me?..(bad things happen to everybody)...God is good, all the time! Praise Him!!