A wretched worm of a sinner.

Here i am on the windy, cloudy Welsh Coast,at my tiny caravan.I have come here to unwind and rest, not much chance so far tho! it will happen...What has the Lord been teaching me over the last few days?.. I am struggling to find something at first sorry Lord, its my sleep deprived be-fuddled brain, of course its Gratitude,that Joe is home safely, i still cant quite believe it!1 i only prayed once for him to come home, a couple of months ago, and it seemed impossible because they were planning to get a flat there! but as we alway say, NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR GOD, i am really humbled that my prayer is answered....God is so good..i am a wretched worm of a sinner, and do NOT deserve anything from God.. Praise Him

The Word of God

I had a really good post planned out last night in the "small wee hours", cant remember a word of it now! thats what sleeplessness does to you! spagetti for brains!I was listening to the bible on the Radio last night and it was very interesting, so much in it! Isiah, up to about chapter 30,so if the enemy WAS stopping me sleeping he has done me a favour becayue i felt soaked in Gods word last night, what a blessing!

Sleeping with the enemy! naming the abusers

I have just read Pat Craven (the freedom programme)new blog entry, " common excuses for murdering women", quite sobering as they are all one I HAVE PERSONALLY heard being said to me!, by the violent men i know, Jon and Howard,(i am not buying into the not naming lie) Jonathan Peter Mulcahy,24.02.1969 and Howard Seymour Shellard 26.01.56 are the "heroes" names!!! Of course it is part of the de-humanising of the victims as Pat has said before in the film, "sleeping with the enemy" Pat showed how he was winding himself up delibrately to justify the violence he was planning to do!..so sad,escpecially when they claim as Jon did, that " i cant stop myself, i have no control" Liar liar, in his excellent book lUNDY bANCROFT, "WHY DOES HE DO THAT", he is a counsellor who spent a lot of time with violent men,he says they plan the incidents of violence, and enjoy it." I remember once Jon strutting up and down ranting, occasionally, punching me,Ben who was a baby got scared of him and started to cry,so he picked him up,"switched" it off, then when he had calmed Ben down,then like a switch turning it back on!!and went back to strutting and punching....he made a really big mistake that day because that was a turning point for me,i knew that despite everything he said,he COULD CONTROL HIMSELF!!!... he was lying, a LIAR,and that he was doing it delibrately!!..

"children come home on the celtic ray"

My Babies home,with His Baby(due in 14wks), girlfriend and large Husky dog!!I have been praying for Joe and Daisy to come home for 8 months,and he is,i was o.k even when he came in and burst into tears, and i was o.k myself until i started to listen to a Van morrison song called Celtic Ray, some of the lyrics are " the mothers calling for their children,"Children come home, on the celtic Ray",( i have no idea what a celtic ray is, but i shed a few tears!!!

"Yahweh" very loudly in MacDonalds!!

I have been looking back at my posts to see if i have ever written about this, cant find it anywhere so if i already have i do apologise...... I was sitting in the Macdonalds in town, a few yers ago,with Ben surrounded my about 6 people, and a person went past and shouted very loudly "Yahweh"..no one else seemed to notice, or even hear it, Ben is a very jumpy person, who reacts to loud noises, and yet no reaction!!, i stared at the man, with open mouth, and as he went past the huge window,he saw me, and RAISED HIS HANDS,in a gesture of,why do you think i wouldnt do that!!BUT it could have also been the upturned geture i use for Praising God during worship... a strange thing to happen...but it was not the last time i saw him, next time was about a month later, i was inside a shop on the same hill in town waiting for Ben while he looked at electronic games, he went past in the crowd just outside,i saw him once more, but i cant remember the details.He was an ordinary looking Man with reddish hair and beard, a checked jacket (plaid the americans call it) and brownish trousers,quite smartly dressed! I beieve he was an Angel, sent to protect me,He may even be MY guardian Angel, having spiritual discernment means sometimes i feel oppressed by he enemy, and His servants in certain places, and that Hill where the manin street is has very Demonic evil feeling about it sometimes...

Coronation Street,

I am feeling lot better!, after having a few nights of good sleep, for about two months i have not been sleeping as well as i ususally do!I dont know if it is the enemy trying to "get to" me, but if it was he has really done me a favour! it has meant i have been praying more, more Bible study, and repenting of anything i may have done, i have just found a quote in an old diary that says" Tibetans believe Enemies are our greatest teachers" !! strange, indeed!!..the Bible says resist the enemy and He will flee from you, i am sure there are some really good believers out there that the enemy does not bother with,i think somewhere in the Bible it says that,cant remember where though, something along the lines of " if a mans ways please God,even His enemies are at peace with Him"....I am definitely NOT there yet!!!.We went on a tour of "Coronation Street", a very famous t.v.programme here in u.k,i was quite good, Ben my autistic son is very keen on the programme,and he seemed to enjoy himself...I dont really want to talk about this but a few weeks ago my Ex -husband Howard "accidently -on -purpose" was at Mikes house,we had been out for lunch and i had left my car outside, the same one i have had for 12 years, so he knew i was going to come back at least to get it...Mike had delibrately NOT invited him that day,and yet he felt quite able to turn up, because he has been decorating Mikes house, and wanted to drop some stuff off, said Mike,when i asked him about it.Seeing my car he should have left, or dumped the stuff, round the back, but no, he stayed until Mikes friend Nicky who has a key turned up...all very annoying,but i have told the Solicitor, and am keeping a log.Make no mistake, if he ever attempts to talk to me i will go straight to the Police, i have a dictaphone and a camera with me at all times, so will have evidence.Just a minor hic-cup!..water off a ducks back!

Machine Guns and Ducks backs!

Here i am again after an active day,wide awake at midnight,Ben shouting and punching the wall when i tell him at 11.pm that he can only watch one d.v.d, (after he has had his 4 hours on the Laptop,which the neurologist told us ws the time limit in case he gets another Epileptic fit.) How do i solve this?i was out for most of the day and was intending to take Ben with us,but Tashie offered to have him,its a hard one,he needs his time at home, and has had so much in the past because we never went out anywhere! but now that the Lord has me out working for Him,he has to adjust...i will leave it in the Lords hands...He knows best,and Loves us both!. We went to Stockport, a town in Cheshire to hear a guy called Sam Childer, aka the Machine gun preacher, he was a real Man of God,He works tirelessly in Sudan,helping homeless orphans with homes and feeds up to 400 meals a day for the Hungry there.It was quite amazing to go to a bike clubhouse, it was an old warehouse with a pretty ropey looking fire escape!!.. (a metal staircase on the outside wall), as the entrance, not a good idea to look down! Life is good, i am very happy with the Life He has given me,i feel good to be able to sow some seeds into peoples lives, by being on the stalls for the Christian motorcycles Association,my life is so different to a year and a half ago, shutting myself in the house for months on end, because of the enemies attempt to bring me down via the Ex husband Howard,and his creepy stalking attempts.Its just like water off a ducks back now, hardly touched me at all!!

two people.

Two people have got mmy attention over the last few. Just two very ordinary people, one was a guy at the bike show a man with a white handkerchief cap type hat with what looked like a red cross on it and woman who was working at Macdonalds today.why did they stand out to me?, i don't know if God trying to show me something through them,the woman struck me because she was singing quietly to herself, which is something people hardly ever do in England,i tried to catch her attention, but she was in a world of her own,quite strange...It was a busy place,really noisy,and she was just clearing out a bin...and singing....I know these type of jobs can be quite demeaning.. ,she didnt want to engage with me, i was rude really and kept looking at her even though she made no effort to engage wwith me!,people do usually look at you at least but not her!!,My son Nathan worked in one, and was basically treated like dirt by some of the customers....the man,he endeared himself to me by taking a biker bible,and yet i gave out quite a few and can't remember any one else I gave one to...why him, as usual he started opening up to me!...people do with me... Is it because I am quiet? I don't know......

strange days indeed

I am not sure how this will work I am typing this on my tablet and I have never done it this way!!,my laptop is not working, and hasn't for about a week!I really just wanted to record a dream I had last night, it disturbed me a lot,,it was so vivid that I got up a and checked there were still cars passing by outside!the dream in itself may not sound scary,it was just that the roads around this house changed back to how they would have seen centuries ago, rough and really narrow. I came back in confusion up the hill to my house,which is only a hundred years old, and someone, a young man I was very familiar with, was preparing to go and check on an elderly relative. It was strange also because I don't dream about this house much at all which is odd because I have lived here longer than any Other house in my life.... I was me,and the young man was outside the houses. I know I was upset about the stalker ex Howard showing his ugly head,at mikes,Sunday and Mike rang just as I was going out yesterday wanting come round to pick up something,saying" we..." Plural..argh!!! i was worried thinking it was Howard, i hope he would have enough sense not to do that, so obviously I am worried about my home being invaded!!.. I was confused about the changes outside in the dream, but content in myself.