DEMENTIA AND DRAINRODS

Mum finally saw the G.P.(family doctor,today,he says she had a stroke on saturday, and she has taken a lot of water today,so we will have to see what is going to happen, Pastor Emmanuel rang me today and was very encouraging,God told me that he is now my father,he has adopted me, which fits really as i was born in Africa, he is in Zimbabwe,my biological father, who i spoke to on saturday, who i have not seen for 20 yrs was not helpful or encouraging at all.
He and my mother split up 33 years ago,he has married again, and has a son who is 27, who e are not allowed to see, he decided not to be part of our lives.
But God has not left me befeft of a father.Ben is 22 today,and is going to have a birthday tea with his grandparents ,Dad and Brother late r this after noon.I usually take them all out for a meal on theirs birthday, but couldn't face it at the moment with mum as she is.
Had to rod the drains again today, wonderful job!!NOT!!...

God is in control

Went to see my mum at the care home yesterday,the day before she had quite a swollen bottom lip,and a bruise on her upper arm, she was looking very pale, had not taken any food but some water,everyone says she will not last long, but its not up to them is it? God is in control, He decides when she lives or dies!!Pastor Emmanuel, in Zimbabwe has been praying, a lot for her, for which i am very grateful,.. ishould really let him know what is happening at the monment.

seizure and shopping

My Mum had a siezure yesterday, they called us, while we were shopping,and said she only had a few hours,we went to the Care home where she has been living for about five years, because she has end stage Dementia, and after a while she started to breathe better, and has had a good night.
So thanks God for that, Praise Him.
Mike has finally been admited to the Mental Hospital,will probably go to see him tommorow...Nickys blog has something on it too

Gym

Mike was back home last thing i heard. Went past the gym last night and although my membership is due to end next month decided to go in one last time,i love to go but just not able to because of Ben,i joined when he was at college, and was going 3-4 times a week, but he hated college, and one day when i was just about to leave the house, ( i had been delayed) he came walking through the door, the electricity had gone off at college, and they just sent them home without a phone call, they had my mobile because they had rung me the day before,literally two minutes later and i would have been out, really scared me,the taxi driver did not check to see if anyone was here.
My oldest son 'N' was there (gym)with his friend,and they said my subscription will just go on at the present low price, so will try harder to go!my heart rate was up to 114, i had been very breathless when i got there,because of the cold air(i have asthma)

Mania and Mike

He has taken himself off to hospital As a VISITOR!, there is no consultant to section him,in a Pysciatric hospital!!!It would be funny if it was not so tragic, i just feel like crying now,cant find the energy to do anything,he could walk out, and drive in this manic state,i am praying hard...Spoke to his other friend Nicky and Luke is blaming himself, (because he has some horror films in the house) obviously never seen anyone in this Manic state before, hes scared so Nicky has made up a room for him at her house.But if and when Mike is sectioned he can go back home.

bi-polar

My friend Mike is getting worse, he has almost lost his voice,as his vocal chords cant take the constant talking, and shouting,he really needs to be in hospital,his two lodgers have never seen him like this, it must be very shocking for them, he wont be told though, hes put the phone down on me about 4 times today, after he has rung me up, because i keep telling him to go to the doctor,i hope he will be in hospital later today.
I am feeling a little stir crazy today, not been out of the house since Monday.

megaphones and mania

Nicky had a very calm night last night! praise the Lord!!..I on the other hand did not,had been asleep downstairs and of course when i went to bed at 2.am, when Ben was tired, i couldn't sleep!..the whole situation with my friend, Mike was really troubling me,did not think i could endure another meeting with him,he is talking loudly all the time, and of course as usual when he is ill no-one can disagree with him, his is the only opinion, and he will literally shout down any one who disagrees!!
Very hard to take for more than a few minutes, poor Darren was sitting next to him, and of course Aspergers people cant take loud talking or noise!!! He has a very loud booming type of voice!!...I know God can stop his decline, into Mental hospital. But only if it is in His plan!
I was determined not to let him in today, because i just needed a break from him for a while!.. but i went to the door without checking and he just walked in a whirlwind in human form!!!,i was squirming most of the time and trying to bite my tonque! and not say what i really think!!..

Minor irritaions, and tug of war

Well Praise the Lord, Darrens Uncle is getting better, still in hospital, but not for too long!
My friend is still worrying me,he is the one who my Ex Howard has suddenly decided is his best friend, i have to be careful though as i am not going to make it a tug of war,with him in the middle with the Ex, a few times it just happens that i have made arangments,only to have him distract my friend into something else.
He can do what he wants,( and i am sure he knows me well enough to know this would annoy me).I have to be careful,because i don't want my friend to get ill again,The Ex would not care particuarly about this, as he does not seem to care much about anyone but himself,i am responsible to God in this situation, and he cant play a game of 'tug of war' if i don't join in!!
I am annoyed that the Ex is round there almost every day, and my friend says that he is very'close' to him,i hope God will help me to do the right thing, and give me wisdom.

Bob and Bi-polar

We had another good prayer meeting yesterday,realy powerful,the Lord prompted me to pray for Darren, because his Uncle is in hospital, who he talks to every day so he was upset,could really feel the Holy Spirit,and when i sat down i was always knocked flat by the power!!..worried about my friend who is not sleeping well, he has had Bi Polar in the past and is not on any tablets, after the Pysciatrist reduced it completely,usually a sign he is getting ill again is lack of sleep.

Burkino Fasso

Went to the meeting last night, was interesting, there was a brother from Africa, Burkino Fasso,very interesting,he had been in a car accident,and got out alive, car was totally wrecked, Mechanic was amazed any one got out alive, but his wife and two kids were fine too! Praise Him!!

dream

Well know now why Nicky was in my dream, she had a really bad last night with her autistic daughter, which had started not long after we finished praying, a coincidence? i wonder!!!!..still really don't know why, but i do remember that the dream seemed to finish with a pile of stuff and i was stroking a yorkies leg that was stuck underneath, (it could have been the one which died!)and then woke up to hear one of the dogs crying in its sleep..so don't know what happened in the house dream at the end...I am at a loss about what to do, I have spoken to Mike and we have prayed in toungues, and i will tonight,as i am her God-mother i do have some spiritual authority over her,will be praying in tounges again tonight.

Unforgiveness?

We had the prayer meeting last night,but i did not feel the presence of God ONCE! Didn't really notice at the time,we prayed a lot, and was involved in making sure everyone was covered.
Puzzled about it last night, before sleeping, and had some weird dreams,in one i was trying to go back to the house where i grew up, which was sold 30yrs ago,i met Nicky on the way and the house had gone, replaced by a huge shopping mall!..I often dream about houses i once lived in,never this one except once! when i dreamed that The Ex was walking down stairs, which were all open, he said 'Brenda died'. This was years before she did, and when i got the news i was standing at the bottom of the stairs, he rang me up and told me, just the same place i had heard the news in the dream!....very strange.
I have some ability in interpreting dreams,a gift God has given me,to be used for His glory,not hard ,because most of the time it's the Lord trying to bring His children to Him, for instance,my friend Mark kept having a dream that he was a sheep on a winding narrow path on a dangerous hillside!!! most believers would know what that means...Jesus is the good shepard, and the word of God says'we are all like sheep gone astray'!
But i don't know anyone else who interprets dreams!..so no help for me!!!.. i do know though that dreams about houses usually mean something new is happening in my life,sometimes the houses have hidden rooms with wonderful old furniture (which i love)
One dream i was moving into a new house, and had to go and light the open fires in each one, about five rooms,obvious really as i have five children,(God wants me to pray for Him to bring them into the Kingdom!)
So is the new dream about the past being gone? am i unforgiving because Emily has shown no change yet? Is He just simply just saying the past has gone, leave it behind? Am i holding onto unforgiveness from the past?
Could it be because of my daughters falling out, and me getting involved? by challenging her on her loyalty to family,(by having my Ex around her house, after she knows, he beat and raped me, and was violent to her brothers?)
Its a mystery,i do feel guilty about my daughter though,dont know why!!she seems to have no conscience at all!, or care how she treats us!..the community police woman was shocked she had him round her house,made me feel very ashamed of her.
Well, just repented of those things,toward Mike and 'Z'..Praise Him!

driven out again

Grumpy..Grumpy...Grumpy...didn't think i knew why, Darren came round just now, and he is very sensitive to peoples moods (and yet the a.s.d experts would say that they would not notice)!!!did not know myself, but i think i do know why,Mike rang yesterday and said we should not come round last night, cos the Ex was there,we used to go round regularly on a friday for years, and then when the whole thing with Him started, and Mike said 'what if you were round my house and Howard turned up, it would be very uncomfortable for Me' as the Lord had told me NOT to get Mike in the middle of it, so i said i would not come round on Fridays,so to obey the Lord (Mike had previously said that his greatest wish was to see me and Ex in the same room again.He had put himself in it, when it was really NONE of his business)I had to do what i was told though!..
Really wanted to go round there,rebelliously, i am afraid!..was planning to just turn up! he should not think he can drive me away from everywhere i go!..was enjoying him having to hide at the church!!..but of course that has changed, on tuesday he came out and sat in the main area, and as i left i said goodbye he was sitting at a table with the Pastor, so i just said a general goodbye in Pastors direction , was going to just say 'goodbye Phil and Keith' and leave him out but would have been too obvious! He looked and went to say something but i turned away!... i could have got him arrested for even talking to me!!..Dont want to bring the church guys into this but will have to if it continues...,i am sure he took it as encouragement that i even looked in his direction,its all so unnecessary, i have been going to the church, on and off for over 15 yrs, Mikes house longer than that, before Mike was even friends with him.Really unfair,his son was talking to Nathan,my son, and said' it must be hard when they have the same friends'.. well he only decided they were his friends after he saw me with Mike....Loser

Who are you?

Ben got up at 10.30 this morning, totally shocked, just seen 3 people viewed this blog this morning,wierd....why would anyone want to read about me, must have just been passing through...who are you?...i know this is a public forum..but did not think anyone would actually read it...
Need to do loads of stuff today, just cant get the enthusiam up today,self -deafeating....

meltdown

Do i believe what God has said to me or do i believe the evidence of my own eyes,God has told me that He has found in my favour in the appeal to His throne. against the enemy of our souls, i find myself wanting to scan the 'small print' examining the exact wording.On out side there is no visible improvement in Emily,if anything its worse, Nicky tweeted that she had a 'meltdown' tonight, it was 'the worst thing in the world', blaming the tory government, because no emergency respite available,( she had hit her 17 yr old sister), and yet an hour later was commenting on watching a t.v Prog!
I asked for the Autism to be reversed to the time the curse of it was broken over the family, when Em was a baby,i have since found out.So i will continue to believe the Lord, to even wonder is doubt.He has said He will do it,So he will. Praise Him

sewage

Finally had to clear the drains yesterday, had been leaving it to see if it would clear itself, did last time a few weeks ago,got the rods down and it went after a few minutes!!!....fun fun fun!...
It was strange after i had changed all my clothes i sat down and was freezing! even my nose, eventyually had something to eat , then did not feel so cold--wierd!!Darrens doing his usual dissapearing act when hes got money and he owes me some,he's been told by Jilly the money she sent him he should take me out for a meal, and its just the same as the time i took him to see his Nan in london, i said you can take me out for something to eat, he was only willing to stretch to a sandwich,this was after he got given £500 by his Uncle!he saying now he wants to get fish and chips,because he thinks thats the cheapest thing!..
Its a bit galling when i am always doing stuff for him! but after all i am not doing it to get anything back from him,and it is a good lesson to me, not to allow myself to be taken advantage off
NOT a grace grower, but a learning experience!!!
'N' needs some money to advertise his buisness,he has asked his Dad who just inherited money he has been 'umming and ahhing' for a month and 'N' has not had any work for a few weeks, i got a rebate on my electricity bill and was so worried by my sons states of mind, sounding a bit depressed, that i offered him some,i spoke to his Dad,who was asking me for a lift! he pretended he was deaf and then talked about himself for the next few minutes!..

there no need to freak out

Well....its 2.30 a.m, i cant sleep, as the next door neighbours were playing their drum kit in their cellar till 12.30, i had (managed to get to bed at 11p.m, very unusual for us,as i am trying to get Ben into good habits,)
Lying in bed, t.v on low, but could still hear noise from 3 floors below!!,after hour and a half i could stand no more as Ben was belting the ceiling and not sleeping, i lost my temper and after beating the adjoining wall with my walking stick, i went there and pressed their doorbell several(4) times, and beat in the grating on the cellar twice too,made a hell of a noise all up and down the street!
I think the doorbell was what they found most un-reasonable.. as they have a 7 yr old kid,!!!.maybe i should do it again at 4.am?
Young-ish woman in her 20's -30's comes to the door,'and with the usual flawed logic of those in the wrong, turns it round and blames me,'well you should have said it was too loud, there's no need to freak out!!!'
'I should'nt have to tell you, up to 11pm is acceptable, if you don't stop now i'm calling the police'
'theres no need to freak out, you should have said something'
'these are terraced houses , everyone can hear everything,i can hear this two houses away'slight exageration...
Ah well, as usual i get so mad,go up like a fire work, and then feel really guilty for days afterwards, Irish temper, i scare people cos i really dont care once i get angry,once when these guys were playing football in the local crowded park, and the ball hit the pushchair,i told the bloke off, he was 6'6,i could only reach his chest,(5'3'') and my kids Dad? Jon.who had said ('i'm not telling him he's bigger than me'),he was hiding!...the guy said sorry and left.
All my good intentions, all my turn the other cheek, all gone! my two lads, aged 20 & 30 will think its great that i did that, they could not stand the drumming in the afternoons,and i had to stop them going round and complaining there and then!! its easy to explain them, too much testosterone! but me? cos i am past menopause, maybe the Oestrogen is not so prevalent any more, its great, i love not being so soppy and put up with less stuff since then, i had an early menopause at 45! wonderful, should have done it years ago, had less s##t for sure!
When i was at Art school,in the classroon next door there was loads of noise, our male teacher kicked the door open,and they went strangely silent! he then went on to explain how testosterone was to blame for most of the worlds ills!...his too i presume!!!.

Danny boy

Nicky did a wonderful entry in her blog about our Grandad Danny who was injured onthe Somme, it was funny cos in the car yesterday the Johnny Cash version of 'Danny boy'was on the c.d, thats whats she used to sing to my Grandad.Dan was born in america to George and Rosanna Hill, in Pittsburg Pennsylvania,his father was killed horses racing, (in his forties!!), so the local Freemasons,offered to farm out her Seven children, he had been a member. She brought them all back on the long sea voyage to Ireland, Danny almost dying from sea sickness.She was rather an arguementative woman,and fell out with all the members of her family, ( rather like her namesake, my daughter!! always wore black,and very short.
Danny then, decided the difficult path of marrying a Catholic,being a stauch Protestant and member of the Orange order, this was unusual to say the least! She was actually Ex-communicated from Rome, my mum recalled being at the bedside of a sick brother of Rosannas, the Priest was there and He completely ingored my mum because she was Protestant.So much for Dead religion!
I have spent most of this morning at the hospital, because Ben has had two wisdom teeth out, hes o.k now.
We had a good meeting last night,took a bit of time to get into the Peace of the Lord,we were holding on to too much of the wordly things, we prayed for some of the people we have known for years, and for the ones we see every day who are not saved.God can do it!!!

Aggravation for Darren

Went to the throne of Grace,( prayed because as the word says we can come boldly to the throne of grace).So just waiting to see some changes, probably is doubt though, so will try to be patient.
Had a great prayer meeting on Saturday night,( apart from the baubles incident),tired though as woke up to find no epilepsy meds left for Ben, panicked,and the car battery was dead!!! think it might have been the Enemy though as was planning to appeal for Emily that day,just did it yesterday, so Nil victory for the Father of lies that day!
Mike got me a new battery and took me to the docs for meds for Ben! Poor Darren though too, he had aggro all round,that same day, his Nan,wife of elderly man disciplining him, and his support workers!.. poor guy, Lord please stop me from ever telling ANYONE how to run their lives!!!(notice how they are all women too!!!!...)

BALLS!!!....

I knew the Prayer meeting had gone past the point of no return last night when Darren said'Lisa, i cant wait to show you my balls' ... stunned silence,.. from everyone til,' Darren, i think you means christmass tree BAUBLES...'
Suppressed laughing and guffaws,(That of course is not what i wanted to say which would have been more along the line of'are they ginger and hairy',but as a respectable middle- aged woman would not have been appropriate...)..ah me cant stop laughing all day about that,almost as good as tuesday..not quite tho!..

no change....yet

No improvement as far as i know in Emily yet,i think the Lord may want me to appeal to His throne room for justice,the curses have been broken in my family years ago so no-one should get worse Autisim.
Will hopefully do that today, or tommorow,See what the Lord has me to do....

what goes around...

I have had trouble not smiling all day!the enemy has not had the victory, in isolating me,the Ex was at church today when we went for lunch, and actually hid so he could not see me, he was not nice to 'D' though, not smiling or even speaking to him,after almost six years of 'accidently on purpose' turning up where i was, saying bad stuff about me to my friends,(some of which i lost because of it)and my family.Claiming to be my girls father, and upsetting my whole family, and worst of all ruining my relationship with my daughter for a year and a half,it was nice to get that small victory!
He was not happy because it was his turn to get teased by the guys,they all take turns...he can't bear to be teased..i suppose he has to hang onto what little dignity he has left..
Mike and i were laughing and joking,so he could see that he has not spoiled that friendship for me. Call me bloody minded, but i am intending to go for lunch at the church at least twice a week, more if i feel like it...Thank you Lord!!!..

Still praying for Emily, there is a waiting list for the residential school so there is still time for God to do a mighty work of healing, one of the ladies prayed in my Lydia group to see Emily healed doing the same as all other girls her age, with a bright future, makes me cry,and that bringing Nicky and Phil to faith. God is able!

LOST ENTRY!!

I just typed a whole entry, and then pushed the wrong button and lost it all!...The Lord has given me a great personal victory today,with the return of the prodigal,