Today i am grateful to God, for the Holy Spirit He has given me, so i am never alone,and Him speaking through me,Randy has not answered my latest Email, i asked him some questions,he believes that i should be able to show proof of the Holy Spirit in me,and show him physical proof that God exist!! despite me explaining repeatedly that i cant show him what is an inner experience! He believes in the inner mind, that is different from the Brain, so i have asked him for physical proof of His beliefs, and he has gone strangely silent!!... poor guy, hope it makes him think, will keep praying for him.My girls are still not communicating, Tash was supposed to have Max yesterday, but asked if Zan (short for Rosanna) could pick him up 15mins earlier, was then subjected to abusive texts.I don't feel i should get involved,Tash does not want me too,i have been on the receiving end and spent nearly a year not talking to her,because the Ex was going there,missing the second year of Max's life...so Tash does not want me to miss out any more!
I was thinking about my pregnancy with Zan, it started off in a difficult time in my relationship with Mark, her Dad,he had cheated on me, i cheated on Him. but we were back together for a couple of months when i got pregnant,(the Ex was no-where to be seen,in fact he was living in the local park and would come to my door shivering, begging to be let in,didn't let him tho! Yet now he is claiming to be Her Dad,the actual facts don't matter to him though!!!...after he had forced me to have sex even though i said no,and would not stay away,until Mark came back! and he wondered why i didn't let him in!!..
So she started of in a difficult time,but was the glue that helped us to stay together, we were so happy,and were happy for a long time, because of her,but i knew before she was born there was something different about her nature, she would kick in bursts,violently, painfully,and then when i got a sickness bug for a week, i did not feel her move for several days, we thought she had died, but she was o.k,and a huge baby, the largest i had 8lb 6oz!
Maybe i gave her the wrong name!!!.., the first Rosanna was my Dads grandmother, a very tough argumentative woman, who fell out with her whole family!!!.. short, 4' 10, and always dressed in black, she had gone to America with her husband, i think was called Daniel,who had died riding a dangerous horse in his 40's,the local free masons offered to divide up her seven children,but she wanted to come back to Ireland and her family, she brought them all back on the long sea voyage, my Grandad Daniel nearly dying of seasickness on the way.
So none of us would be here now if it were not for her!!..that determination, that ruthlessness, saved us all,but how do you cope with that kind of personality in times of 'peace', the family she so wanted to come back to she fell out with!!!
My Mum said to me once, when i was in tears about her,' she is only a little girl,why are you afraid of her'....she screamed the minute she was born, for a month,if she fell down she would not come to me for comfort, vary strange, non of my others were like that....
When i met my Dad in March we were talking about the ruthless people, ' and i said 'well we know who is the Rosanna in my generation,and the Rosanna in my kids generation is Rosanna!
When my grandmother saw me having a tantrum she said 'there's Rosanna',she got the wrong one though! She must have had a terrible time having a mother-in -law like that!!!..
So now my lovely gentle Tash is suffering, and,i am o.k as long as i do as i am told, (she is very careful not to fall out with me now, because i have inherited some money from my mums will!!!...), i bet she regrets upsetting me by letting the Stalker in now,she even said to me a few weeks ago, who would have thought YOU would ever have any money' nice, not.....
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