offensive or defensive?

I have just been listening to the wonderful Dr George Simon on you tube, talking about manipulative people and how they were always thought of as scared human beings, unconsciously trying to control others through fear, being defensive, when in fact he shows very clearly that the are being OFFENSIVE, and instinctively we know we are being attacked but un-consciously we react as being attacked but OUTWARDLY don't know it, so that is how they win, we put reason over instinct which would warn us!...It is also the shock that someone would behave that way so I always thought I must have mis-read them, which of course the abusive manipulative person rushes to endorse! It fits in perfectly with their plan after all.The manipulator is on a mission to control us to fight the war with us to be in control, ! Only we don't take part in the battle til too late...oops they have won, us innocents didn't even know we were in a fight, I can't remember his reasoning why we are taken in,probably should read it again!