Today I am grateful to God for His Peace in my life, Even though the Enemy of our souls has been trying to rob me of that Peace, its a precious gift from my Father in heaven,i have walked away from it a few times this last six days but its always there when i repent and return to It.
One of the blips was an anonymous text message with vile language,from someone who claims to be a Christian,saying my Ex ( Howard) was having sex with the scam artist for money!!!.. quite funny really, why would they think i would care less about that!!!... i strung them along for a while to see if i could get them to give themselves away, then i got bored, and their last text said, i was 'only trying to help'....so i texted back that they weren't and were trying to upset me...sad....sad....sad.
Its such a shame that there are people in the world who enjoy upsetting others,abusing , being violent,controlling, i have wondered so much about why they do it, and for what payback? Lundy Bancrofts book was so helpful for me! It was not good enough for me to just dismiss them as 'nasty' pieces of work'.In a nutshell his conclusions were that they behave like that because they enjoy it!.... some of them spend a while planning the next abuse incident, relishing, and enjoying it, its a bit of a shock, to an ordinary person,who does not want to hurt those i love even if they have hurt or betrayed me.
I saw an interesting study,could have been the Dark Triad, which said that all societies have these individuals, but in close knit small societies they cannot function so well, because everyone knows everyone else and they stand out too much, their anonymity in Modern society makes it easier for them to Function.
I was upset that the Ex was able to be at my Daughter house, with Nathan there too,it hurts a lot, there lack of loyalty to me is shocking,maybe not so much Nathans fault, its not his house, but to sit in the same room as someone who they saw beat me??...be friendly, speak to Him.
I could never do that,i feel too loyal to them to ever be around anyone who hurt them.I must have been a very bad Mother to have produced so much dis-loyalty in them....i was a bad mother, i thought my happiness was so important i put them at risk of Violence too......i thought i deserved better from them, i don't.I thought so little of myself, that i put myself in danger , when they should have felt safe they weren't.......
2 comments:
Well, at least you recognize your mistakes and acknowledge them. Most of all, you have made changes. I wish my mother could have done so.
Stay strong.
Terry
I am so sorry your Mother could not recognise her Mistakes,it must cause you pain.i think as Ex-domestic Violence Victims we all suffer some depression,i have had some Christian counselling and deliverance,so i do feel a lot better now.
I have been brought back to the Past when i dont want to by my Ex-husbands forcing his way into my life again,suddenly start going to my church,my friends so i have walked away from all this,HE WILL NOT CONTROL ME ANYMORE.
God has blessed me in that 3 of my kids have not suffered emotional problems too bad, but my 23yr old is Autistic, and i am his full time Carer, because the Pyscologist said of 'Trauma'of seeing his father try to kill me,and my relationship with My 28 yr-old Daughter will never be the same because of My Ex -Husband going round to her house whenever He wants,i always thought our relationship with our kids were out of bounds! Not to those who enjoy giving us Pain....
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