taking back the night

I don't really have much interesting stuff to write about, maybe someone reading this would think i never write anything interesting!, although a lot has happened! the doctor has taken Ben off his meds,he was having extreme fatique and was tired even when he had just got out of bed!,I have bought another caravan,so that is the last of the money that my mum has left me and i have had to sign on again, but its been three and a half years!..Mike is back on form again, i was feeling quite annoyed with him a few weeks ago about the whole thing with Howard being able to go to house whenever he wants, the same as he can to my daughter Zan's house, he was very keen to have the C.M.A meeting at his house, so I spoke to Brian about it as if the poor guy does not have enough to think about!!,) i explained that i wouldn't be able to go to any regular meetings at Mikes, because if Howard knew it was regular he would be bound to turn up eventually!!, Brian was very good, went away and thought about it and then said, we should have it at Mikes and then at Trevor's, i will talk to Mike about this at some point!..and tell him why...
Well, i wrote that a few days ago and saved it to edit,but Mike has gone back to how he was before! which was trying to get me off the phone as quickly as possible!, whereas a few weeks ago he would be ringing me twice a day to report in!! Its very difficult because i know the Lord does not want me to bring Mike into the centre of all this, but how do i get round it? I know it is wrong to be annoyed with him..so i have been repenting!!I have commented on a post on everyday victim blaming,about a girl who was attacked by a trusted male friend after she ended their relationship,he just want to be her "friend", until the situation came around that she was on her own with him,and then he drank a lot and she woke up to find him in bed with her,this happened several times over the night,and of course he claimed he had no memory of it in the morning..it has brought a lot of memories back how i was manipulated by Howard,and even now he wont take NO for an answer,i am not frightened of him, the threat of arrest has helped a lot!!,i probably should feel able to go to places where i know he will be,and i was so angry about this for such a long time.But i know that God does not want me to be at that church anymore, because he has me involved in the Christian Bikers.