I found out recently that my old friend Avril is o.k,i have been so worried about her because the last time i saw her she had been very depressed and suicidal.She just walked out of my life with no reason, completely un-expected! i have to admit it really shook my confidence, i had led meetings with up to 12 people, discipled people,taught in the meetings, really it was a church in my house!I thought i had forgiven everything, but i do find that some un-forgiveness comes up, even now when i thought it had all been dealt with!!!
I am getting very fed up with these feelings that come up when i think its all gone and in the past, and really dealt with... So i wonder if it really is me, my mind that is bringing all this up? is it the enemy? probably!!,i feel annoyed because i have fallen into his trap over and over again!!..
Thinking back Ten years ago and why she just disappeared, and most of all why i let it happen,she came round once a week when she was in the depths of depression,and i sat patiently with her , i took her on holiday,to the Caravan,one Wednesday she said her Mum was ill and couldn't come, so next Wednesday i waited for her,she didn't come and i don't remember if i rang her and had no answer,that day but i do vaguely remember ringing her house and being told she wasn't there.I have never been 'frozen out' before and was completely confused and overwhelmed...
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