Mummy's boys

I have just added a postscript to the post from the 5th July,, of this year, when i was talking about how i can have a man, trusted Brothers, hug , kiss, or touch me without hitting the ground in terror! and was wondering about the difference in my reaction to Jon or Howard,when i see them, i wonder how i could ever have been frightened, or scared by them! and I am trying not to be nasty!!.. neither of them is the kind of macho huge muscles' he' man in my mind they used to be!!, they are pretty weedy,pathetic physical specimens!
Jon is not much taller than me,probably 5" 5'inches tall, small frame, more like an adolescent boy, than a 50 year old man, slopping shoulders, and no muscles on his arms (when he was working he was called "two tile Johnny", because he was not strong enough to carry as much as the other men!)
Mentally he has no gift of communication,its not two way, he talks about people who the other person has never met,and i am sorry to say bores everyone!! i sound so nasty, but this IS Him, this IS his personality!
Howard i have to grudgingly admit is Handsome, or was!!, now he has white hair which is balding, with long wispy hair grown long at the back...it looks ridiculous!..( probably my fault because i told him years ago like long hair in men..) He is very tall, over 6 foot,he always seems really nervous, and sweats a LOT, his hands are always wet with sweat..yuk,he has broad shoulders,but has rather short legs and a long body,which looks a bit strange,he stoops a lot, and has the worst sweaty feet! gosh i sound so nasty!!..
His personality is not sparkling! he used his good looks to attract women...but actually living with a woman? has NEVER EVER been sucessful!... He has a speech impediment, (he cant say 'th'He says 'v' instead,),which can make him sound childlike...at first i thought he was of very low intelligence,which was a very bad mistake, he is very cunning, and very very spiteful, he is not controlling in the verbal manipulation sense that Jon is, he doesn't have those skills,and is incapable or unwilling to ever acknowledge that using violence to get his own way is wrong at all!!...OR unable to understand why i would be angry at being treated violently!!!...(i suppose most violent Men feel its perfectly justified to "punish us" like naughty children when we "dis-obey").. Maybe this doesn't sound like the same man as i described in "inside my abusers mind post", maybe today i am feeling less angry towards him, i think i better read that today just to remind myself just how bad it was then!
So i have no idea why i was attracted to these men! (another thing they both were "mummy's boys")and both these women never think anything their sons do is wrong!!, obviously like the Pope they are infallible!!!..its sad, i was thinking about that phrase, a "face only a mother could love"! well abusers are men who only their mothers could love!! Or us unfortunate women who cold only love them in the Honeymoon period before they let their true personalities out!!