Sandra has been complaining to someone "i am not friends with her because..." she was then stopped in her tracks because the listener did not want to hear it!! Of course this means that she is telling everybody, which would have horrified me before, but not now!! If anyone talks to me about it,i will tell the truth, i didn't start this, Howard did and I have done nothing to be ashamed of!!
Years ago,(2010)when he started this latest campaign of stalking ,i just wanted to make him stay away from me,and to stop the stalking,part of that has happened, he has not tried to talk to me directly for four years, but has stepped up the "low level" harassment via my 'friends' recently,i have taken legal advice again, nothing can be done about the 'indirect' harassment,because it would be seen as "hearsay"..YET,but as he is escalating it wont be long until he does something which means he can be subject to the law!
He may think i cant get access to law as i have spent most of the money my mum left me,but there is some left and i am willing to SPEND EVERY PENNY OF THAT TO GET JUSTICE!!
I am very angry now, i have put up with this for so long,since 1983.I am not burying my head in the sand any more,The Lord has given me the courage to stand up and be counted.I thank God for the change in me and the change in Ben!(he has now started to want to be a "good guy"!! so i don't have to put up with the screaming and shouting at bedtime,he doesn't lose his temper when he is crossed anymore and is getting up earlier!)
I can have a conversation with him, it is as if the overdose has triggered something to happen, in the natural of course i am sure there are plenty of 'wordly' people who would believe that, but i know every single part of my life is in Gods control! He is responsible for all this!! not me, not meds Him!! its strange to get used to this!!(Darren is not pleased because he cant get as much money from me now for looking after Ben)!!!.
Something quite telling happened the other day, but it shows me that the Enemy is right on the ball,!! I mentioned on the 17th that " the person i talk about the Bible and the Lord with, Darren is invisible to Howard"...6 DAYS later (yesterday) who just 'happened' to say "hello" to Darren in the street? HOWARD!! Darren just ignored him! and Darren said he hung his head and looked ashamed!!
So as the wonderful sister in the Lord Terry Loving said, he is being used by the enemy,doing his work, its not some pathetic human that i am up against, but the Enemy of our souls, before i mistaking-ly thought i was being a good 'christian' by not fighting back and i did 'turn the other cheek' for years, and even now i am not "fighting",i am not taking any unjust-ness straight from the Pit of hell anymore, i am standing up and saying when someones behaviour is not acceptable.
The enemy of our souls is not happy because i am not staying in the Box he had put me in labelled "victim". ! i am not a Victim anymore and haven't been since the day i kicked evil people out of my life!!(I hate the word 'victim' and even the word 'survivor', i am neither of those , i am a new creation in Jesus, a new person , that stuff happened to another person!!)
It has been at least 15 years since i refused to be treated like that anymore,even before the last time i gave Howard a chance to show me that he had changed,he was TELLING everyone else that he was the changed man he claimed to be!
Since the KANGAROO COURT in the 90's when i was challenged by the self appointed Leader of the group,Rob because Andre had told him a private conversation where i had said that Howard wasn't truly born again, and he was just pretending to get back with me!!..
In fact i had got in trouble for that before at the Church which brought me back to the Lord in the 90's, and NOW I AM SAYING THE SAME THING, and its just as true as it was 20 years ago!!...and 20 years ago Howard got himself back into my life by becoming friends with someone who was living at Mikes called Pete, he had worked with a few times, just the same as he has always done!, which is a bit shocking because that means he has been stalking me on and off since 1983!..,in 1984 i remember the sight of him knocking on the door after he had been sleeping in the Local Park, shivering and begging to come in,a pathetic sight? ... no but really just a manipulation to try to "get back with me" even then!! had no effect tho, didn't let him in!! another time i was pushing a pushchair over a windy bridge in winter and he cycled past, my face must have shown him that i was not pleased to see him, after the big smile he gave me!!...another time he had turned up with a friend to deliver something , and stayed after the friend left, just an excuse! still using the same old tactics!! thirty years later!!.
I don't really know why i am putting down these old memories!!..i seem to be working through the old stuff over the past few months! maybe the start to not being scared anymore is the Post "naming the abusers"
I know God uses the bad stuff in our lives to help us to learn, about this world, we have all learnt from the bad things,from the Good things i have learnt FAR more,about the things that really matter in this world,The Love of God, its the point of my existence,my life on this rotating ball,is to Learn about HIS LOVE.so its been worth it, every pain of childbirth,has taught me about the Fathers Love, every Punch has taught me about His forgiveness,every lie has taught me about his Truth,that HE IS THE TRUTH.
WOW!!. that's really powerful! thank you Lord, its all making sense now!
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