Soul stealers or Grace growers?

'Soul stealers' or 'Grace growers'
Grace growers means the difficult people we come across,who help us to grow in Grace!(eventually)....Soul stealers are what some people call Satan, or Demons, or 'bad luck'Christians would say Satan, what we call the 'enemy of our soul',who can petition God to test us,( as in the book of Job in the old testament.And Peter in the gospels.)
I don't believe in 'luck' as i have faith in a supernatural, all seeing Being who cares passionately for me, and everyone else.
The People of God are very hard to be around,personally i would rather face a room full of Hell's Angels, than a room full of Christians!!.. Bikers are less judgemental, and forgiving, sorry but its true!!! ( but isn't it true that the only people who Judged Jesus were the 'religious' people,and eventually killed Him.) Lets face it, i have plenty of stuff to be judged on, divorced twice,FIVE kids, lack of housekeeping skills! So its easy to Judge me, but what did Jesus ever do to be Judged so harshly about?...it was His very Nature to be without Sin or He could not have been the Perfect Sacrifice for us?( and I am in no way comparing myself with Him)
The most Christ 'like' person I have ever met was a Girl called Michelle ,at college, she was so kind and loving,never judging others, but when I said to her, 'most of the people i knew would never talk to you',because (she is Gay).I felt really ashamed, of myself, and them.
My son Nathan, hated gay people until he met someone at college who is now his friend! My Granddad, who did not like black People, EXCEPT THE ONES HE ACTUALLY MET! who he thought were really great people!..So i guess we all have predjudices, which are fine, until we meet them and find out they are just as human as we are!!!. We are all Gods children, i agree with the Creationists when they say that there is only one Human Race,not races, just different skin tones, not gay or straight,Abled or Dis-abled,rich poor........HUMAN.....

Battered into submission?

I have been thinking a lot over the past few days and weeks about forgiveness,obviously in my present situation,i am being challenged by other people, and am being told 'that forgiveness means forgetting'.Pastor David Wilkerson did say that once you have forgiven ' it should never been mentioned again'.I don't want to be here to justify my reactions, and on Sunday i was just blowing off steam!.... I went on Harvest warriors, Dr Rebecca Browns website and she says forgiving someone does not mean you have to be around them again. i.e Forgiving and moving on.
In examining my motives i am sure that if the Ex-husband Howard, stayed away from me, i would give him not another thought,apart for the occasional bad thought that surfaced!!!,,and hopefully quickly repented of!...i know i have better things to do than constantly re-hashing the past, its gone i cant change it.
The past is being forced into my face, because of the 'accidently-on-purpose'presence of this man where ever i go,(an exaggeration, not really everywhere!)Could it be that God is trying to show me something? I went through the Prayers that Dr Rebecca had after her article.
What is important is that forgiveness is very important to God,(i.e the parable of the talents i think!...) how can he forgive us if we don't forgive others. Self examination over!...
It seems to me that Christian churches are no different to those written about in the book 'battered into submission'.To me the conclusion the book gets to is that women who are battered are encouraged to return to their husbands despite the risk of dying, UNTIL the Pastors own daughters are in this situation!!!..It seems their lives are more important...
The Biblical reasons only for Divorce are unfaithfulness, but remarriage is not allowed.
Its very sad,women have to leave their churches, lose their friends and support network, or stay,with the possibility of death or serious injury.Seems no better for christian women than the ones in the Middle East.
As the book says, 'sin is sin',the unbelieving world seems to have a more healthy attitude to this controvertial topic, than the so called 'People of God' the same people who protest about Abortion, and 'every life is precious'!!!..

still waiting

....still waiting for him to get up so we can go!!!!....

Shining demonic voice

In tears reading Nickys blog,she remembers things i don't,i feel pretty selfish moaning about my life when he really did not have one.....It is interesting what she says about everyone in the family being on the Autistic spectrum,I dont believe it though!. i know the world was different then,and there was the whole british upper lip thing,pyscologists would say that is an unhealthy way to be,i am not sure though!.. remember seeing a C.N.N report during the 7/7 bombings and the reporter saying how we were handlingy it without panic,but'this is the way they are' felt quite proud then,not sure now!
Ben was vey annoyed yesterday that we are going to the caravan,used the 'shining'demonic voice!!( tried not to laugh! and last night was getting within an inch of my face,trying to get me to say we were'nt going!!!!..

My brother Mikes fiftieth birthday

Strange day today...my brother Mikes 50th birthday, he died aged 17, cant really imagine him as a 50 year old, would his hair have stayed blond,would he have children? even grandchildren by now! see the carewrite.blogspot - christmas day. I suppose it like the old rememberce day Prayer 'they will never get old as those left behind will get old' not exact words, but hope it is the eneral gist!

The Monster, and spoons

Feeling very fed-up today, went to the church service this morning, did not even get through the door,' i have to warn you' said the nice lady on the door'your ex-husband is there today' heart sinks, feels sick,my two sons tried to encourage me to go in, but i ran away like a coward again,at least i suppose i didnt faint this time, like a few weeks ago on a sunday evening and as i walk in the door i see that familiar bald spot, and white hair, i just got outside and fainted, the nice women took me round the side of the church through another door, and gave me a cup of tea,until i was able to drive home. 'Try to come on Sunday mornings, he never comes then' so next sunday went on sunday at 10.30, wonderful service and time of fellowship, but there was someone there who is a friend of his, and must have told him,so this Sunday! there he is, 'you could go to the other side of the church, away from him' said the lady on the door, but that would involve walking past him and the front of the church, and i could not trust my legs not to let me down ( literally) again.
I am a christian, not a good one mind you, so i have forgiven the Rape, domestic violence and the abuse, and violence towards my ( then) 5 and 6 year old boys. But how can I forget, should I physically scoop the memories out of my Brain? I really wish i could, i dont want to have nightmares, and faint when i see him!...some people have said that because i faint i cannot have forgiven,i actually have no animosity towards this man, this is a totally UNCONTROLLABLE PHYSICAL REACTION.but these are people who have never been raped or beaten up so what the F'''''''k do they know? If you want to know more about this story, read the carewrite blogspot.com, and scroll down to the 'Monster' story.I have been to the Police,who said they could do nothing unless he actually threatens me,the fact that he eventually turns up EVERYWHERE i go IS VERY threatening seems to escape them.!!!!.. well i suppose its back to the Solicitor again, although the letter from them a month ago to him seems to have made no difference to his behaviour.

i found it again!

HEY I FOUND IT AGAIN! very sad i know i have lost it for two years! i have been reading my sister Nicky Clarks blog, and suddenly this popped up,!!!..been reading about her struggles with an increasingly aggresive 15 yr old Autistic daughter. I know how she feels as i am sole carer for my 21year old son Ben, who is wide awake and its 2.am!!.. any parent or carer will tell you that we live in a sort of half life, 'in the world but not of it' as the bible says!...the invisibles.... i remember hearing a person talking about wandering the street in the middle of the night and seeing an incredibly large woman outside, the only time she felt able to go out without being stared at! I had planned to go to my caravan in Wales tomorrow,but its just to hot to take the Dogs in the car,(4 yorkshire terrors)!... So will probly wait until next week, its just as isolating there but at least the scenery is better!