Occupation? "Urban terrorist/Supermodel"

I wish I was having a personality crisis, wondering who I am? Am I a daughter,Mum, Grandmother? An Evangelist? NO,it doesn’t matter who I believe I am!!...yesterday someone in Church felt that Psalm 31 was for someone in Church that morning,in it it says, your neighbours 'will hate you'..while I don’t actually like my Neighbours much, they don’t even hate me any more! And to be honest my one Neighbour has born again people on either side of him now! So his attitude to me has changed to the point where he actually spoke to me! I know terrorism is not anything to joke about,though, but sometimes my really disrespectful neighbours do bring out the Inner "redneck"...The Girlfriend of the lead singer of the doors, described herself as "ornamental" when asked by a reporter who she was! I hope she became a supermodel,shes hilarious!!

Delusions of Gangster?

Ben talks a lot about being brave, being a tough Guy, its important to him, but annoying when he doesnt want me to go out of the house alone! I told him its a thing God has put in Men to Protect their family...then we talked about Joe his brother,who like his Dad regard themselves as real tough guys, but actually dont rush to protect at all!!, talking Big!! talks a good fight!!,Years ago myself and the Kids and Jon were in the local park and some annoying guys were kicking a ball around and it was getting close to the kids, he wouldnt do anything,and when it eventualy hit Bens puschair, HIS kid,he looked the other way, i was furious and went up to one of the football players poked him in the chest,as high as i could reach! and told him off! Jons reaction was to say"i wasnt going to do anything because he was bigger than me"....and we had the same thing with Joe when he refused to do anything about a disturbed teenager who had been calling Ben names,"weird guy"i had already been to the house and told the kids Dad....i wanted to go back and talk to the Dad about what went on,but Joe wouldnt...I was frankly appalled,but it took a long time to sink in, and any respect i had for him started to go... a lot of his character reminded me of his Dad,a guy went after him,he didnt fight back,and his young girlfriend jumped on the guys back,with him just saying to the guy, "if thats as hard as you can punch i am sorry for you" A cutting remark to be sure!! I feel qiuite bad that i have underestimated Ben, a lot of people do, even his own Dr,"who said the understanding is just not there",he has average intelligence,(said his child pyschiatrist)the same as anyone else, but because he chooses very carefully who he will talk too! people think he cant talk!! I have recorded a conversation i have had with Ben and will play it for the dr next time we see him!! no lack of understanding there mate! Strangely too, i was sitting right next to Ben with this same dr (on the other side of him),the dr was trying to persuade him to have an Injection, Ben clearly said "No", but the Dr kept on at him,with no response, later we got a print out of the Outcome of the consultation where the dr said Ben "had consented"NO he didnt,of course i would not accuse a medical professional of Coerction,maybe it was just a misunderstanding? Ben is terrified of needles.

Alice ate the Ice cream,Willow is 6 today. 'a day in the life'

What am i concerned about today? i always like looking back on the what i did on an individual day, yesterday i made scrambled egg on toast after getting up at 5.am,we went out for lunch with Tashy,Edith and Alice,i went to the Doctors for my appointment with the mental health nurse, and found out i had been given the wrong day, i am going today! I went home and parked the car, then i remembered i hadnt posted Willows 6th birthday present,and i had forgotten to pick up the present Tash had brought for the girls!.. so i texted her, and she rang me and said she had gone to my doctors to catch me before i posted it...a car ran into the back of her car, and the the old lady who was the passenger shouted that tash was a scammer! we had left early to get to the appointment and Ben had to leave his strawberry Ice cream, which Alice ate!! Cody has been losing weight he had started at 60kg,in december 2021, he now weighs 47, and they want him to go down to 37kg.Yesterday he growled at Ben...which was upsetting,but the best thing, is we only have to go on one walk with the huskys now, and although Cody does pull me sometimes, i am actually enjoying taking them,which is new!!.,i do have painful shoulders everytime, from being pulled but the pain soon goes with a hot Pad!..so i am walking further, (well dragged sometimes)!!,which obviously is good for me,mainly because i am not writing myself off as too disabled!..it might all come down to a nasty end if i am injured to a worse extent...but i am less fearful which is good... I really dont like talking about my everyday life, it seems so boring and mundane!!....but its good to look back on and it does show how i am growing as a person with the Lords help!! God is good,All the time!!Praise Him.

BOJO,, the Clown, and the fury of the British, Lazy Lisa rides again!!

Our Prime minister has provoked almost RUDENESS from Us!!, it takes a lot, Fury is not a British Characteristic,speaking personally anyway, i am too lazy, and just think 'Karma' will get them in the end(,not of course that i actually believe in Karma), maybe it should "what goes around comes around"!!! being half Irish of course, i am not so mild as the average English person! i may have a scary temper, but have to be pushed a long way before i lose it! laziness again!....maybe another Irish positive?, really just picking my battles...Ben had been getting right into my face,for 25 years,flicking his fingers,it all stopped after i said "how dare you"so angy he was taken aback,he did try a few times again! but the fury from before told him to pull back! I have just been reading a post from december "Taming of the Shrew" 2012,so almost 10 years,i was saying how much i thought some of my kids were misunderstood and not bullies at all....and that Joe was really good with Ben! How things change!! and they both have a good dose of their Dad Jons 'wind up merchant', to put it politely, with typical British understatment!.. Sometimes its really hard to love the more unpleasant of my Children, its hard to see how disrespectful they are to others, and how gullible to lies,about me...but time has gone by, and why should i expect loyalty just for being their Mother?, sometimes they resented being brought up on Welfare, i understand that...but to have this air of entitlement?... One in particular, Joe thinks he is entitled,to money,and never grateful, if he doesnt get it, he steals it...from two severelly disabled people, (me and Ben), its really hard to have any Pride in him,so now i doubt everything i have ever thought about him,did he ever tell me the truth?, who is he really?...but i am not getting into the Enemys trap of a 'pity party'too many times,hopefully not again!!! Just because some of the people in my life treat me like i am worth nothing does not mean i am! it hurts, of course it does!! i am human!, but i know i am loved by the Creator of the Universe, who IS the very Embodiment of Pure Love!

Contents of our hearts, or the contents of out Wallets, and Elvis

I am a sinner, i dont go to church when i can, i "neglect the gathering together",so what gives me the right to judge? i dont have any right!!.,judgement belongs to God and He alone! A wonderful Christian i know believes we should always give money,"How will they survive and do Gods work if we dont"?... Bono said in one of his songs,"Bullet The Blue Sky" ....."i cant tell the difference between ABC news, Hillstreet bues, and on the old time Gospel hour,stealing money from the old and the sick,the God i believe in is not short of Cash, Mister" Elvis went to a 'church', and came away and said, they are just interested in money...it was a Scientology "church",a poll of Americans were asked what the thought about the Church, they said just interested in money.. I must have a critical spirit then! because i just had a british Praise station on, and the announcer said, "our regional director will be talking to you soon"...i got a sinking feeling,and immediately thought,hes going to ask for money,and he has!..and they think that if an important person in their organisation talks to us they can get more cash out of us...my Bible says God meets all our needs, so if someone sends out a begging letter does it mean that they dont belong to God, because they are not "living by faith" I dont know the truth,but that judgement of the Wife of a presenter on Christian T.V. is wearing a low cut shirt, showing more than i want to see,or her husband is wearing a Toupee,how Vain must they be?i also hear there has been some financial inconsistenties, so i turn to "wordly" T.V,i see bald men,attracive women who dont need to show their Breasts...maybe i am falling into the Enemies trap? In the end we all have to answer to God...

On the way back?

I am on the way back! I had to get really honest with the Lord,yesterday and repent of unforgiveness,so today i feel better, a lot better! Praise God...and yes i had to repent of despising my old believing self! ( I had been reading some of my old posts), and was shocked that i was such a good christian...'thanks goodness i am not that way anymore'.. i am ashamed to say...and one i have just realised i forgot is that i maybe blamed God for some of the really bad stuff that has happened to me?..(bad things happen to everybody)...God is good, all the time! Praise Him!!

panic attack or Anxiety?

I had a panic attack on Sunday,it was scary, i really thought i was having a heart attack....i would really not ever have that happen again,its a weird thing not to be in control of your own body, its like when labour starts, its beyond anyones control and will keep happening... I dont really know if thats a good analogy,i spoke to a mental health nurse today, and was given some breathing exercises to help calm down..i suppose its been a hard few months,with what Joe did,stealing from myself and Ben, but most of all, with Tash being overdue by two weeks, then she had the baby, a suspected blood clot, and later being told she had pleurisy and Pneumonia... It was strange to hear myself say to the Nurse," i have forgiven people who did bad thing to me in the past",reading this blog over the years it doesnt seem like that...and also i was a much better Christian than i am now, talking about God, at every oportunity,and i dont want to not give glory to God, He has really brought me through the bad stuff, and i remember once saying to a Pyschiatrist some of the things i have been through, sorry which God has brought me through,and he was amazed i was still here! I did want to go back and slap that previous me!..