Helen in the hospice

Helen has gone into a Hospice,...it a place for end of life care...but I don't want to talk about that...God is still able to heal her,so I am giving it all over to Him,everything else which is going on seems to pail into significance compared to Brian and Helens life now...their daughter Joanna is due to have a baby on 12th December,just 10days after Tash...she was rushed into hospital four days ago with chest pains,they are still doing tests,she could have a blood clot,or pneumonia...I had the enviable task of informing everyone about thirty people about the situation,by email...

"Don't go in a taxi with"

Its a depressing time, being the mum of two daughters and the grandmother of nearly four grand-daughters,my gorls are older, so are not so vulnerable but I am honestly scared of the world my grand-daughters will grow up in...because predators single out young women and. Feel entitled to their bodies,they know how to shame, bully but mostly manipulate young innocent/vulnerable women.

Wet and windy welsh hillside

I am here again sitting in the caravan, on a cold wet and windy Welsh hillside! But I don't mind that, it's just so good to be away from Those same four walls! Ben has been going to a sports thing on a Tuesday morning where his friend from school, Chris has started going,he hates it but it's good for him to get out, and hopefully if he will stay on his own it will give me a few hours break from him,there is a coffee morning at the Church on the same morning, and I do like to go, so does Darren, so I will keep persevering.
I am sitting here in the caravan, and I can see the mountains to the left, covered in mist,some have almost disappeared into the mist,and When I look to my right there is the rest of the side of the mountain we are on,we are at the top, if I could see straight in front of me I could see the Sea, as we are less that half a mile from the beach, I think we are at the top edge of Cardigan bay so Ireland will be the next land, before we get to the Atlantic..it is so beautiful here, stunning really.

36 years of being a Mum

I have had a few minor attacks from the enemy, nothing really that is worth sharing,we managed to get to the caravan for a few days, which was lovely, Ben is going to a sports thing which his friend from school Chris is going to as well, so he seemed to like that,he says he wont go next time,but he will probably change his mind.
I have started to have my hair down, instead of tied up,first time since i started having children,36 years ago,i dont know whether it looks good or not, but i like it so that is all that matters!
I have lost some weight at the gym, in the three months i have been going, but more important a few inches off my waist!
I have missed Church a lot over the summer months, because of the Biker show events and going to the caravan,so i am hoping to go more now,it always is a blessing to me.Helen is getting weak now,but thats another Forrest Gump thing, "thats all i am saying about that".

Motives, and Madness

We had a great time at the biker church 7th anniversary, I went with Brian and his friend Rob, Mike was there with Eddie and some of the people from the prayer group he has at his house,the woman went forward and said that she had got more Love there than any other Church she has been too... then went down in "the Spirit", which in general I am not totally convinced by, as a lot of the women I have seen it happen to have been very much attention seekers, I am so "spiritual", you can almost tell the ones who will go down, (and men), I have seen the daughter of the scam artist claim to have received "Salvation" at least twice!!!
Men do it too,Mike has to come out with psalms, or his old lemon,"we are standing on holy ground"with him it IS showing off, as someone else said about him, it's the same psalm,139,and the same song for at least 15 years, why hasn't he grown in the Spirit since then?
I have been wondering recently if mentally Ill people can be really born again? I don't believe the Lord would let the go to the bad place when they die,but the Pastor called Frank once said that "You are just talking to the illness"interesting remark(about talking about and witnessing about the Lord),it's a shame.
Mike has got the Prayer meetings in his house he has always wanted,but just like when me and Darren and a few others we knew would meet as his house, he soon got sick of it when the scammer asked him to pick up her daughter,he could hardly get us out of the house fast enough!
I was reading up about my Gift Discernment, one writer said it would allow us to see others intentions,why people do things,and somewhere else I saw, it said Women who are beaten, learn to read body language really well, as it can save our lives...it saved my Life, and I will be forever grateful to Him, for saving my life.

Out of his league!

I wanted to write a letter to Ruth toady,or at least a Facebook post,to say something like,"I have been told he hits you,I guessed it of course,you told Daisy,you ask his sister Becky for help, she says you should leave him,but you don't...I didn't either,for far too long,why is the question,people don't ask me,but they want to" I didn't, I feel guilty after reading a lot of Captain Awkwards posts,(about how women aren't believed by their friendship groups if they are victims of abuse by a male member)or friend of the group,
I fell asleep and had a dream about seeing him about to kiss a woman,next I was at an airport trying to get a flight home, for 7 people, why seven?..no idea...for £900 each...so strange,I wasn't upset at him,just wanted to get home.. I felt hatred for the woman,who was our host,and was way way way out of his league!,maybe it was Captain Awkward's contributer's comment,s talking about our responsibility to other women, maybe it was watching a craft programme,making/sewing a handbag,I still have the one I made in the 90's, out of blue denim, but with a secret pocket, yes, all through that holiday in Cornwall I had a secret £20 stashed for our emergency get away,after you left me and the 5 kids with no food for a weekend...
I would never let that happen again, while he was sitting down to a lovely roast dinner at his parents,he got so angry when I rang him,and disturbed his dinner he drove madly to the phone box across the road,rang me to say he had a knife and was going to kill us all,his elderly Nan,talked him "down"!! ah the hilarious memories,I just can't believe I made a whole bag just for a secret pocket,and believed you were so much cleverer than me despite the obvious evidence against!...
Update: he has a new female friend, who Ruth is really worried about,even to the point of asking Daisy if she is secretly seeing him! ...I feel so sorry for Ruth,who is a really nice woman..

Garden,gym,and the Doctors

I have had a busy few weeks, I have started to go to the gym,I went to the dr and asked why I couldn't walk more than twenty metres without getting breathless,of course he said it's the weight,but when I was heavier, two and an half stone, my breathing was not as bad as it is now!..I decided to co-operate and at least give it a "go". I have done a lot in the garden in the last month, it was overgrown with nettles,so I slowly cut that back with a combination of digging the roots,cutting the top off and pulling up the roots with a crow bar, which gets a really strong grip on the really tough roots,so I grew some tomatoes from seed really late in the season,in June, I started them inside,and because they were so leggy, and small I planted them Really close together because I thought they wouldn't survive, and of course the are huge and every single on has grown! they are 18inches high now!, we have had so much rain this last two weeks,so the dwarf green beans probably won't grow,just rot in the ground...but I thought the same about the tomatoes,,!!!..Ben is putting on weight which is quite strange because he has always been painfully skinny.