God's solution

so... have been looking up my old posts, (a great aid when you have a bad memory!..).,oct 19th, the community Police officer rang me and  said' i have spoken to my Sergeant and if he approaches you again (tries to speak to me) he will be arrested and charged with harrasment'!!!..Brilliant..so if he does and its at the church, inevitable really.. HE WILL be causing the situation.,i did not choose this he did!!..

Hard decisions.

I have some hard decisions to make over the next few weeks,i should be praying and asking God, hopefully He will make it clear soon. Do i stay and fight, not be driven out of a church i have been going to for 15 years? Or do i give in, run away again, only to have the same problem in a few months when my new church is discovered, and he will start going there too....
I know him well enough to know that he is getting angry because after Eight months i have not spoken too or engaged with him in any way, it scares me, he scares me.I am frightened he will kill me one day.
God has told me that it is nearing an end now, but no details about what to do.Will he just give up and leave? When me and Mike and Nathan went there for lunch, he was sitting alone at a table, the Pastors wife went to sit next to him,and said 'you have a grandson with..', and looked over at me,( the old lie that he is the father of my daughter).
I did not hear this but Nathan told me later, and was very annoyed that he was still telling people those lies, none of my children believe this lie, and they know he was just saying it to cause trouble foe me.
Elizabeth in Newtown says i need to talk to the Pastor about what he has done, so he can be challenged by a man about his behaviour,(she said his actions were 'satanic')
When i was born again i forgave all the bad things done to me in the past,including being raped by him,(Howard)and i have forgiven him for causing trouble by the lie.So do i have the right to tell anyone what has been done to me? ( no-one understands why i am so afraid without the full information) ...( i forgave the man who raped me and then married him!..to be completely honest i did not recognise it as Rape until years later).
I am waiting in trepidation for his next move, it maybe that he will complain to the Pastor that i ignore him, hoping that they will 'talk' to me about it, and i will be obliged to do it.In that case can i tell the full truth?
There is also the Solicitors Letter, which i have taken to keeping with me when out,it states that 'he is not to talk to me or try to approach me in any way' What happens if he talks to me, and i have to call the Police,as his only chance of engaging me is at the church? The balls in his court now,but i do know that God is in charge, and to be scared is disobedience, not trusting Him to look after me.

Biting my tongue

Why do people who hardly know us think they know what is best for us? ...and that they are fully entitled to tell us what to do,?!.... being a quiet thoughtful person i have encountered 'friends' like this in the past,people who think i need 'pushing' (forcing);in a certain direction. they of course are the 'if i were you' and the most recent 'you wanna...' Oh Lord preserve me from the Bossy of this world.!...
What i want to know is HOW did i survive all these years, bring up Five children single handed, without them, or their unsolicited, UNWANTED advice?...its a mystery!....Certain Christians Speakers call them 'Grace growers'....those who the Enemy uses to bring us to our knees,I suppose its like the piece of grit in an Oyster. around it grows the Pearl! So that's why God allows it......(so although i would rather call them, something else!!...through 'gritted teeth, biting my tongue. 'grace growers.'....)

sola scriptorum

At the prayer meeting last night we were discussing re-marriage,as a King James reader Mike and i believe what the Bible says, and live by it, in other words 'sola scriptorum',(bible alone),our friend a divorced lady in her 40's who was forced against her will into an arranged marriage at sixteen, talking about a young man who at 25 has just come to the Lord,he is divorced,and now has a girlfriend.
In Mathew 19  Jesus clearly says that 'he who marries a woman put away(divorced) by her husband commits fornication by re-marrying.Her response was a 'loving God would not want L(the young convert) to live alone the rest of his life' My question is, would God go against the very words of Jesus,NO NO NO.
Does God go against His word, the bible? .....NEVER....No, its easy to 'cherry pick' just accept the comfortable parts of the Bible, and reject the challenging, convicting parts....
(I must declare that as a new christian, i have re-married,while my first husband is still alive, but i did it against advice, as a brand new believer, i was not shown the Bible, and probably would have rejected it anyway, so determined was i to do WHAT I WANTED,i have repented of that many times,and have divorced him.).On the grounds of adultery was told at the time by the Pastor who brought me to Him,that there 'would be consquences' and oh boy there have,!!..even now 17 yrs later i regret the day it happened, not just because the Ex is a stalker, but because i disobeyed, and am STILL paying the price.So i speak from experience, knowing the heavy price for disobedience....
The saying ' a loving God would not...' really annoys me!....Who are we to decide what God would or would not do? Not only do we tell Him what to do, but make a 'God 'we want Him to be,and it goes along with the worlds view of a helpless Jesus, a baby or helpless victim on the cross, was He helpless in the temple with the money changers? He is a just God,we cannot expect Him just to turn a blind eye when we Sin, and yet judge the world on Judgement day!!!...
How does the Holy Spirit use Sin to teach us?  by convicting us!!!... we know deep inside that Sin is wrong.
Of course it also says further on in Mathew, that some cannot accept the celibate life,almost as if He knows that the church would come to the point where Re-marriage would happen, regardless of what Scripture says!!... an older Brother who has now gone onto Glory once told me that pointing the finger at others never works,because we HAVE THREE OTHERS POINTING BACK AT US!!!...Praise God for who He is,He loves us,and paid the Ultimate Price so we would not have to Answer for our Sins!!
Did Mohamed die for those he led?.., Did Buddha?... Allah?... NO, NO, NO!..

My Estranged Father restored to me

 Wonderful to see my Estranged father yesterday, after 25 years, thats been the thing i have been anticipating and kept quiet til now, i didn't want anyone to spoil it,and there are people in my family who hate him so much that they would  try to do that, very sad, i was quite emotional afterwards as it was so sad to have missed all those years,but as Mike says in the Word of God it says that He will 'restore the years the locusts have eaten' Praise Him

Steves blog, and 'blood on our hands'

Great to read Steve Finnels blog,a real man of God, and as he says not an 'ear tickling', but the truth,times too short,it says somewhere in the Bible that if we are not truthful the 'blood is on our hands',He holds us responsible,I used to be frightened of the reaction, that people would call me Bible Basher,and they did, and they rejected God,but it is their choice,and when they appear before God on the day of judgement they can never deny that they heard the truth.

Sleeplesness, and bad dreams

Mike and Darren came round yesterday, (it was a real answer to prayer that d came as he was seeming to lose interest), Mike prayed that i would have a good nights sleep, and i had fallen asleep and dreamt that Tash was walking around with her head cut off.....So i prayed again and asked for forgiveness for any unconfessed sin,so Praise Him i did spend the rest of the night with no more bad dreams, and slept quite well.Darren was joining in well and prayed too last night,it was great to have a prayer meeting like that!!..