back to the old, praising Him for the New!!

I cant charge my new net book so back to my old laptop which has been updated by dear Alec, Di's husband. its a lot easier to use and much easier to type on as the keyboard is so much bigger than the net book, i got to Brian and Helen's last night, we had the local C.M.A meeting only five of us,all with some bad stuff going on in our lives but the enemy of our souls did not have the victory, because we still blessed each other and thanked the Lord for His wonderful love for us! We are not "cursing God and dying" which it talks about in the bibles book of Job,while God is with us we are victor's in Him!! I hadn't really thought about it until now but it is just amazing that the Lord has strengthened us all so much!!..Praise the Lord for He is good all the time

English learners?

Well a lot of people have viewed this blog in the last few days, much more than usual! strange very strange, last week it was loads of views from Russia! its probably people who are learning English......

learning to live with it..

Its been five days now since Dad died,and i am learning to live with the grief,i have only ventured out once, just to get Ben's medicines...i feel o.k in the house, but when i go outside i just feel like i am wading through mud, my legs feel so heavy.. i have not cried much, sometimes i just feel as if i start i am not going to be able to stop...i felt the same when My brother Mike died, its almost like its too bad to cry about....on Monday the day i found out i was scared to go to sleep i just felt i would wake up screaming.. in a way its good that i have been so tired with Ben staying up all night that when i do go to sleep it is really heavy sleep...i got him to bed at 11 last night, but he had been awake since 7.pm on Wednesday night,27 hours, i have just tried to wake him up so he can go to bed earlier tonight but he wont get up, will try again in a few minutes..

"As night prevails"

Dad wrote a book in the 1960's when we were living in Chester, it was a Spy novel, much in the same style as James Bond, it was never published,anything he did was wonderful to me, i adored him as a child and although we were estranged for twenty five years, he contacted me again when Mum died and we have been talking about once a month since then, i think i have written about that! the last two times we met we have had a great time,he told me about things i didn't know about my family.Dad died on Sunday, and like Forrest Gump, that's all i want to say about that.

No one expects the Spanish inquisition....

I have been reading some interesting stuff about Rape,it was written by a man, and i found it through a link on Captain Awkward's website,i found i was still thinking of Rape mistakenly in terms of stranger Rape or Date Rape, which was really illuminating to me, when of course most Rapists are known to the Victim, mostly a trusted friend of the family, or a family member...The Author was saying that men should challenge their friends who "joke" about it or even boast that they have sexually assaulted.I find that i have to research this unpleasant subject, i don't really know why either!..maybe its because it one of the things that Abusers do, it all part of the whole VILE package!, that we are subjected to when we know an Abuser, along with Stalking,and Gaslighting!!! When i started out my adult independent life this was the last thing i would be expecting to be writing about now! but no woman expects this to be her life,all relationships start with good intentions, all women would ferociously deny that the man they love would ever hurt them, let alone Rape, and Stalk, and Gaslight, but as we all know , Abusers don't let us see their true nature until we have fallen under their demonic"spell". We all act better than we are at first in a relationship, but when we trust enough not to be on out best behaviour, is when the trap is sprung! One day we find up we have signed up for all this horrific stuff, and it takes a while to untangle ourselves.

Missed Andres birthday!...wont miss him!!

I am annoyed!!... i wanted to read the post i wrote about being Raped, but i cant find it now!!..its been a hard 4-6 weeks as Ben is now up all night and sleeps all day until 7.pm some days, its been his birthday so that day he got up and we went to town!. Saturday/Sunday night he was awake until 3.a.m and when i told him it was bedtime he was screaming the "f" word and saying how dare i make him go to bed".
(I was due to go with Mike to see Andre as it was his birthday on Sunday,Mike was really excited, and had cajoled me into it when i wasn't sure with Ben not sleeping well). I rang Andre and left a message at 9.am and told him what had happened and said i wouldn't be able to come, and after three hours of trying to get hold of Mike to save him coming to pick me up (when i was desperate for sleep), a wasted journey,i finally got through to him!
I had been ringing constantly for 7 minutes from 12.00 pm, he says " Andre's told me you are not going", no concern for my predicament!! no concern for me at all!! and its now been 26 hours since i left Andre the message, and not ONE WORD of worry or concern for me!( Years a go a woman i knew, she used to be my friend,gave me a prophecy she said came from the Lord in which she said i should let 'people go' who were taking advantage of me!!
Andre and Mike were in that list, which at the time i didn't take very seriously because she is a very controlling person...maybe it was God after all!!, but here i am being treated like "s**t again by these unpleasant people.!! No more, i Have not got VICTIM tattooed on my head, probably would save time if i did!!..
People who make me feel like CRAP need to be blown away as fast as their selfish selves can go, maybe i should have called this blog not 'my crap life' but my CRAP EX-FRIENDS and why stupid me loves them anyway!! Get lost!! P**S off , don't like you, don't care what you think of me,P**S off you ungrateful toxic BA****D's.. You nasty pieces of work!!

Local newspapers and Dads part in their downfall

My Dads written a book, which is being published in January,i cant remember the title at the moment , will include that later, so i have to say that as he is the only one who has had a book published, he must be the best writer in the family! i bow to his success! i forgot to mention when i listed the writers in my family that my Cousin Darren Bailey has also been published to and has written about three books too! Its Ben's birthday today so he got up early, at 9.30, and we went to town and he eat so much he was nearly sick , though to be honest he hasn't eaten any real meals for about three days now!