Well here we are again, Ben's not getting up and we have run out of food.He was supposed to have his annual medical today, but as he was up all night, he wont make the appointment at 2.p.m...So if it wasn't for my nieghbour Darren we would never eat!!
I am still waging war against the local rodents, blocking holes in floor boards, and round windows to stop them coming in, when it gets colder, but this year it hasn't really got very cold at all, it was 9 degrees yesterday, and its 6 today, so for the second day running i have turned off the central heating, i bet the Power companies are tearing their hair out!
I am no fully out of whatever low mood i have been in for at least a year,it got worse over Christmas, but its all better now,of course it hit me hard that my Dad Died, to be honest however old you are you,( me) really never expects them to die..i can't really believe its been 39 years since my brother Mike died..I have been talking recently to someone who was around at that same time, its strange to see it through someones else's perspective..
Of course facing the fact that those people who still have Howard in their lives are NOT my friends, has been a journey i didn't want to go on,but that started in January 2015, when my daughter chose to have him in her life over me,it has definitely given me a sense of release, its as if a heavy burden has been lifted from me!!..i don't feel i have to do the 'right' thing and swallow my pride and pain that those people don't care enough to do the right thing, its gone it's over, years of hurt feelings disappeared! Praise God, He does not want me treated like this! Thank you Lord!
Its been a journey to forgive them,they have been very surprised that i don't put up with it anymore,(on Christmas Eve Mike started talking to me,loudly lecturing me with information i already knew!..he's shocked when i use the first chance to get away!(someone walked between us and said sorry, for interrupting, or some other inane comment, and i said) "I'm always getting in your way" jokingly,Mike turned away, and i walked off!!)
I still care about Mike, i would hate anything bad to happen to him,i still care about my daughter, and Sandra,but their behaviour was unacceptable, and it doesn't affect me any more!
Mark, my lovely friend, (and first Husband) said just before Christmas that i was good at knowing when i was being taken advantage of, and gently stopping it!, which was a very nice thing thing to say because sometimes i give into the enemies trap of feeling I am taken taken advantage of all the time!
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