Sad today

I am trying hard not to feel sad today,because i don't have two of my children in my life anymore... most days it doesn't bother me i don't even think about it...its sort of 'Par for the course' to be treated badly by an abuser... but its not something you ever expect from your children, its worse than being beaten or raped for me, the pain is worse, i was a single parent and was there for them every day of their lives when they were children, while their Dad was only around at the weekends, i fed them every day,got them to school, listened to them, cared about them,and both of them have contact with their Dad, even visit him,take their children to see him, but not me.
He was and still, is an Alcoholic,he used to take them to Pubs when he had access time with them,and has had to be pulled back on to he pavement because he was so drunk in charge of them...my daughter believes the lies of the man she saw beat me, my son stole from me and then lied and lied about it,then decided not to speak to me, because i went to the Police, i had 'lost' £1600...too much to just forget about...but with hindsight i would have given it up to not be in this position now..
So now i have two grandchildren i hardly see,so today i am sad... very sad,i don't love them any less , they just don't think i am worth treating well, or respecting,or think enough of me to have me in their kids lives..so i haven't just lost them, but their kids too, they will never come to my house,or know me as just another stranger in a room they never knew...yes i am sad today...