Its been 8 or 9 days since i last posted... while i have been going through i lot of stuff i haven't wanted to share it and i don't really want to now..except for one thing...i wrote a letter to a person, Avril, that i use to be very close to, she was really my best friend, and one day she just cut me off without a word or a reason, the worst part for me was that around the last time that i saw her she had been suicidal...and to be perfectly honest i didn't know if she was alive or dead!..she had blocked me on Facebook but recently unblocked me so i could see she was o.k..which was a sort of relief, i was feeling really angry with her and wrote her a letter, and a private message on Facebook neither of which i sent!!and i know it sounds awful but i don't think i should contact her again,because someone that would cause me that much distress, which affected my whole life doesn't deserve to be in my life, or any sort of acknowledgement from me, they don't deserve my good or bad thoughts, they don't deserve one more moment of my time!I should have been treated better by her, and the others, many ,others who chose not too!!
I expect to have angry,gut wrenching days when i think "how could they" ...but they are getting less and less...i cant tell how many letters i have written, to Howard, to Jon, i even sent one to Avril a few years ago,(which was just a general apology for what ever i could think of that had caused this) but most of the time the letters i write i don't send and tear up when the feelings go!! The Word of God says, "be angry, but don't sin" so being angry in NOT a sin, but anger nursed,fed, eats away at us like a Cancer,so that is why our Loving God has given us the gift of forgiveness, its not a free pass for the bad guys, but for us, to FREE us from the lasting effects of others choices on out lives!
Its hot here, really hot, 23 degrees,we had a rain storm tonight which thankfully has brought the temperature down. I have been working in the garden planting tomatoes,potatoes,and green beans, i have seen a local garden centre which sells plants cheaply, a family run firm, with about four large greenhouses that grow everything from seed themselves! Ben has been getting up earlier now, most day at 11.am,which despite my complaining about it has peeved me a bit because it means i don't have a lot of time to myself!!it was getting me down for a while and i was just sometimes sleeping myself in the day time,it seems like i am never happy!!
Helen is not any better yet...am still waiting for the Lord to heal her.
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