Really sad yo hear that my friend in prison has had no one write to hm since Christmas,will write to hm today,after talking to Joe yesterday about the whole Ex business yesterday am feeling quite angry about other Christan's today.Specifically the idea that i should have talked to him eventually,something about the whole christian idea that people don't have a choice to cut someone out of their life is unsettling, and also the curious fact that the past two weeks of travelling across town, near Mike House i have seen him on his push bike every time,except Sunday 9/10 times, at different times of day,is this the enemy,he is not following me, just a very weird coincidence?....really strange.
I have put a question on you tube last year asking for answers from Pastors,to the question that 'why in a church that stands up for the rights of Unborn babies, Against Euthanasia,etc is the rights of a Battered woman being pressured to take back her violent husband,isn't her life valued? some very nice Pastors answered,and i wish i went to their church! (was actually told by my Pastor at the time that God would not' allow 'him to hit me!!!...surprisingly he did hit me, because he has free will...
So talking to Joe yesterday about the decision ,made me realise that if i had kept going i would have been challenged about my ongoing refusal not to talk to him, and would of course have ended up being the ONE IN THE WRONG.
The pressure was starting to build up, with 'B's' saying 'he wants to be friends', and at every opportunity talking him up,and her constant assertion that he has changed.(He hasn't, and i really don't care whether he has or not.)
The unsaved world really has a far healthier attitude to this. Victims of abuse or rape are not expected to be 'nice ' to their abusers.
In the book'battered into Submission' Pastors who 'pressured ' women to return to abusers, have a very different view when their own daughters are in the situation, and quite a few have felt really guilty for their previous attitudes,but its too late, how many of these women died, or were obliged to leave the support network of church, so they could leave the Abuser.?...
I fully acknowledge that the whole thing is my fault to, i should never have married him, it was against the specifica teaching of C hrist,( i didn't know it at the time, but ignorance of the Law does not excuse me),I knew he had been aViolent Rapist, but like all Battered Women i wanted to believe He had changed.How stupid was i, no excuses, because of my irresponsibility my children were hurt.
And now i am being judged...as unforgiving!!..
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