Dr Jekyll or Martin Hyde??.... "Do you know who' I am' ", and not in my backyard!

My Mum used to say my Dad used to think he was the great "I am", i never really knew what she meant until i read the bible, and its is Gods answer when someone asks His name...and of course i would never say that Martin Hyde is calling himself God, never ever!...persish the thought!...But he really does have the most unfortunate Surname!..and a really unfortunate attitude to the female officer.He is Doctor Jekyll when the Police MEN are talking to him,but we all know who he turns into when The female officer is talking to Him!! I have just watched the Video on You Tube of a police Stop of an Entitled person, called Martin Hyde,its WFLA News Channel 8, and at the moment has 8.3M views, the most i have ever seen! Given my history as a Survivor, i am really glad that i watched it 'cold'and didnt know any thing about the people involved,a Congressional candidate Martin Hyde is stopped by a Police Officer after he is seen texting and Speeding,its pretty shocking the complete lack of respect given to the Officer,the whole incident is caught on body cam....sadly the mans attitude was a lot like my Dads,when he thought he was in the 'right', but only to the extent that we used to have to wait while he yet again argued with someone, rolling our Eyes, he was never threatening,but the whole Male bruised Ego is familiar...and slightly ridiculous....until of course I get annoyed and then its not a fragile male Ego!!, i am completely Justified!!, mostly i feel sorry for Men who are the real ones controlled by their Hormones!... Actually there are not many men my age that i actually like,i know most of them have no respect for Women, even though they are the father of girls!! one in particular, Simon, is divorced, and the others who are single,(in fact Simon knows i am a born again Christian,but didnt stop him trying to talk about the size of his penis!!, AND after he had seen a photo of the Pastor in my bikers group, and Ex Hells Angel too!!, hes not really a Misogynist guy who enjoyshumiliating women...hes just really Brave!! says a lot, (Unf**kable white males), i do feel sorry for my old friend Mike, who was always in the "friends" Zone, with Women,and actually looked down on the one woman who liked him! She wasnt good enough apparently...which makes me think that he was really just scared of women!! Again we come back to Germaine Greers statement that "women really dont know how much Men hate them",Martin Hydes attitude to this female Police officer was hatred, a young female telling HIM what to do!! I just watched a Video clip of three people discussing "Has feminism gone too far"and the sole female,Kelly Jay Keen was constantly talked over, even when it was her turn to speak!at first she kept talking,and said "i couldnt hear what you said as i was talking", in the end she stopped trying to give her opinion, the man my age was the one talking aggressively over her, and she was mostly aggreeing with him!!... I have read a study which says it is the Tone of a womans Voice that is hard for Men to hear,literally the actual Voice,and i do agree to some extent,but i see and have Witnessed how intently men Listen to a woman they are attracted to! No problem there!!...having three adult sons helps me to keep a good balance, i know my Sons are good Men, and they would never hurt or Disrespect a Woman....and i see good Men in my extended family, my Sons In Law will protect my Daughters,my brother in Law is a good Man too, i dont know my Half Brother well, but i can see he is a Good man too,and I know my Brother Mike would have been a respectful Man.... So of course i am a Hypocrite,i believe Germaine Greer about the Men out there,but the men I care about are o.k?...So does toxic Masculinity Exist? Yes it does,faced with young male drivers anger when i am too slow crossing the road,the actual abuse shouted out of Cars, (which being slightly deaf i cant hear! I really need to take a Megaphone to give them a Cutting remark!..) A great teacher at Art School used to say that Testosterone was the greatest threat to Society, a wonderful inciteful thing for a man to say!!, then Ruined it by Kicking open a Door when the next class were being too noisy!!...

Pogue Mahone, "just a little Irish blessing Sir."

Pogue Mahone means "Kiss my Arse" in Irish,it always makes me laugh,it always reminds me of the Film, "Ryans daughter"and "The Quiet Man" where the Irish are ocuppied by the English Solders, and the little rebellions going on in the background, and the disrespect behind their backs...the most hilarious song i know was a song called "Shut Up A your face" by joe Dolce, it very funny! of course it reminded me of my mother,and my kids! Ben is talking more even to strangers, and i am pretty Gob smacked... and being me and sometimes big headed i think it must be me talking to him more!,but thinking back it is an answer to a Word of God my friend Pat said where she saw a 'picture' of him like everyone else, of course like the parents of all disabeld sons and daughters i worry what will happen to them when I am gone. Life is very good, i am really enjoying doing some paintings,and sorting the house out, although its a mess!, and a family member sat here and almost turned her nose up at it,(years ago),more than one actually,...one even thought it meant i was mentally hadicapped!! but who cares!!!, o.k i may be a bit of a hippy and not have grey walls and furniture, but i cant be anyone else, its me...I refuse to conform to other peoples standards!!! It is really nice to look back on here to my life in the past,it is strange though as i am getting more hits on here,usually a crop and then none which is fine too!! this is public! but i dont really expect anyone to be interested in reading what i say..so it is a bit weird when it is read...150 times!!.

Groundhog Day, or groundhog life?

I have been reading a post from December 2018, i really could have been written yesterday.. a lot of my posts are like that, hence the title, my bland life,or on a negative day, my crap life!...i am a bit annoyed about how insipid i am!!!...i was so glad that Joe had a Job and i suppose after what he had been through it was pretty amazing...grudgingly given as i am still really disappointed in Joe, and i know i should not say this but alarmed at how much he is like his Dad... I thought i could see good in him,especially as he seemed to want to follow God, i know the "God thing' has worked for me He has literally brought me through the worst times of my life, and then thinking that i am probably the most abused person in the world,but giving Glory to God for bringing me through actually doesnt help me to not go down the path to pity party..i remember saying to someone that my Brother had died on Christmas day, they were completely shock and frankly appalled! Just the tip of the Iceberg , i thought if only he knew about all the other stuff! I feel marvelously brave sometimes, 'just me and God, and Ben against the world, but i am not Brave...so today to disprove these thoughts i have put my bio on Gettr...and the address of this blog! only the third time recently that i have done shared it with anybody, yes its a public blog, but its really more of an online Diary...

Dads birthday today, and I have lived in this town since 1969!

My Dad was born in 1934,it is his birthday today,he died in 2015,and i have lived here since 20th of January 1969!...i would try to work out how long that is but everytime i do i get a different number!,(i have the maths ability of an 11 yr old, and degree level English, which was found when i was given an apptitude test in my early 20's.)

An inconvenient collection of cells, or planned and made by God?

I reluctantly tuned my digital t.v. into an 'old fashioned' radio channel,TWR, i was tuning it into have background noise, and God had to shout to get it into my thick head!!...Sigh!...i am sorry now,that i thought that, because God had planned to bless me through it! (i am quickly trying to get this down before i forget!) i was blessed by the guy talking, in a kind of 'word for the day"broadcast that, "You are exactly the right height for what God wants you to do", i may have bought into the worldly obsession with looks,and judging by first immpressions,and that we dont matter because we are all 'accidents'... its not really the "world" of course but straight from the very PIT OF HELL..sometimes recently i have felt like an old medieaval victim of Leprosy that had to go around with a sign saying Unclean, or women who had to carry round a "Red A'for Adulteress...because the way the world has been recently we have all looked at each other as sources of potential infection with the Virus. I know in my Mind that God planned and made me, and that he was there when the car i was in ages 3, fell off a Cliff,when molesters tried to abuse, and the times when they suceeded,i know God saved me, that he was the responsible Parent to me, and i have to repent of blaming my mother for some of this, and of course the 'world' would say yes 'she didnt protect you',so how do i 'honour' her then?' as the ten commandments say i should 'Honour my Mother', i am still working on that,and i will go into that further one day, as i dont want to get distracted from the main point of this! There is a big difference in believing with my concious mind that God planned me for every area in my life, to be a mother, and a Carer! its amazing,and i am so grateful that God is speaking through me everyday to help Ben grow as a Man, to use his voice, if only to me at the moment..But he has a voice,which people who should know better, his dr,have judged him as without understanding, because he chooses not to talk to people..

Occupation? "Urban terrorist/Supermodel"

I wish I was having a personality crisis, wondering who I am? Am I a daughter,Mum, Grandmother? An Evangelist? NO,it doesn’t matter who I believe I am!!...yesterday someone in Church felt that Psalm 31 was for someone in Church that morning,in it it says, your neighbours 'will hate you'..while I don’t actually like my Neighbours much, they don’t even hate me any more! And to be honest my one Neighbour has born again people on either side of him now! So his attitude to me has changed to the point where he actually spoke to me! I know terrorism is not anything to joke about,though, but sometimes my really disrespectful neighbours do bring out the Inner "redneck"...The Girlfriend of the lead singer of the doors, described herself as "ornamental" when asked by a reporter who she was! I hope she became a supermodel,shes hilarious!!

Delusions of Gangster?

Ben talks a lot about being brave, being a tough Guy, its important to him, but annoying when he doesnt want me to go out of the house alone! I told him its a thing God has put in Men to Protect their family...then we talked about Joe his brother,who like his Dad regard themselves as real tough guys, but actually dont rush to protect at all!!, talking Big!! talks a good fight!!,Years ago myself and the Kids and Jon were in the local park and some annoying guys were kicking a ball around and it was getting close to the kids, he wouldnt do anything,and when it eventualy hit Bens puschair, HIS kid,he looked the other way, i was furious and went up to one of the football players poked him in the chest,as high as i could reach! and told him off! Jons reaction was to say"i wasnt going to do anything because he was bigger than me"....and we had the same thing with Joe when he refused to do anything about a disturbed teenager who had been calling Ben names,"weird guy"i had already been to the house and told the kids Dad....i wanted to go back and talk to the Dad about what went on,but Joe wouldnt...I was frankly appalled,but it took a long time to sink in, and any respect i had for him started to go... a lot of his character reminded me of his Dad,a guy went after him,he didnt fight back,and his young girlfriend jumped on the guys back,with him just saying to the guy, "if thats as hard as you can punch i am sorry for you" A cutting remark to be sure!! I feel qiuite bad that i have underestimated Ben, a lot of people do, even his own Dr,"who said the understanding is just not there",he has average intelligence,(said his child pyschiatrist)the same as anyone else, but because he chooses very carefully who he will talk too! people think he cant talk!! I have recorded a conversation i have had with Ben and will play it for the dr next time we see him!! no lack of understanding there mate! Strangely too, i was sitting right next to Ben with this same dr (on the other side of him),the dr was trying to persuade him to have an Injection, Ben clearly said "No", but the Dr kept on at him,with no response, later we got a print out of the Outcome of the consultation where the dr said Ben "had consented"NO he didnt,of course i would not accuse a medical professional of Coerction,maybe it was just a misunderstanding? Ben is terrified of needles.