Today i am Grateful to God for good friends and family, God is so good to me,i am so grateful that He has saved me,I let the Enemy in a bit this week, everything had been going very well, i went to a lovely Church on Sunday, felt a lot of the Joy of the Lord there,it was wonderful! I have had a chance to tlk to a family member about the coming battle,which i cant really talk about just yet,i am sure that the Ex has been told what is coming but i am not going to give him any warning!
There is a long History in my family of Sisters not getting on, my Grandad Frank ( who wrote the song 'Down Memory Lane and had it stolen by a big organisation here in U.k) , had two sisters, Emmy and Minny,who were very close, and were eventually able to houses next to each other, they argued, and never spoke again!...Me and My sister dont talk to each other, now my Girls have not spoken to each other for over a year,The' Rosanna' element explains some of it,in mine and my girls generation,but Emmy and Minny were from the other side of the Family,so it has to be from both sides...!!!..
Wednesday, 12 December 2012
Sunday, 9 December 2012
NO taming the shrews,no taming the bullies.
Today i am grateful to God because He has made us all different, it would be very boring if everyone were made the same!!! The Shrews and Bullies i could do without of course! but i would never want them never to have been born now, i love both the Shrews in my family,but don't like them!.. maybe i would like it that the Bullies were never around, but without them i would not have Ben and Joe!...i have been talking to Joe about him teasing his girlfriend, he used to do it to me and Ben,she complained to me about it, so i talked to them both about it, and when he was on his own last week,i asked him why he enjoyed upsetting people, he said it was funny to see them 'wound up',' and i said' but if you love others you should not want to upset them' It seemed to make him think, and Daisy did says he has stopped.The main reason is because he will end up lonely, and alone, like most bullies do,i care about his future happiness, and of course Daisy's too, i know he would have some of his Fathers characteristics,and he does, he is very loving, and affectionate, the only one of my children who is,and the care he shows Ben is wonderful to see.I was just worried in case he got the bad ones too, but he seems not too,Jon their Dad once said he could not wait until they were grown up so they could 'see what a terrible person i was'!!... they are grown up, and neither of them can stand HIM.!!!!..really sad because i did everything i could to make sure they had a relationship with him, Now Joe says he wished i had just cut their Dad out of their lives when they were little.!!
So there is no taming of the Shrews,(which of course is a completely anti female Shakespearean play, when women are beaten to make them behave, and of course the whole concept a woman is tamed by love is ridiculous......)!!!...There is no taming of the Bullies, they enjoy it too much, and it works for them really well, but of course the danger to others is that BULLIES GET WORSE,as the victims get used to the violence it takes more to make them 'behave'.and this is not just my opinion, Lundy Bancroft says this too, please take care anyone who lives with a bully, get out fast. Love does not save you,bullies don't love,anyone BUT THEMSELVES.
So there is no taming of the Shrews,(which of course is a completely anti female Shakespearean play, when women are beaten to make them behave, and of course the whole concept a woman is tamed by love is ridiculous......)!!!...There is no taming of the Bullies, they enjoy it too much, and it works for them really well, but of course the danger to others is that BULLIES GET WORSE,as the victims get used to the violence it takes more to make them 'behave'.and this is not just my opinion, Lundy Bancroft says this too, please take care anyone who lives with a bully, get out fast. Love does not save you,bullies don't love,anyone BUT THEMSELVES.
Saturday, 8 December 2012
The taming of the Shrew?
I have just been having a discussion with Ben about what he calls 'bad guys' and particularly one of the family shrews, or 'Rosanna's' as they are called in my family, he wants to have a relationship with one, and has said' i will keep her away from you in town', and the other one he is mad with for having the Ex round her house... and a lot of the study i have made about these people who would even 's**t' on there only families if it suited there purpose. and the answer came to him and really to me in the same moment,'bad guys are bad guys because they want to be' 'i will talk to them 'said Ben,as we have all thought at times, we are incredulous with their behaviour).my answer was,'you cant change bad guys, they don't think they are doing anything wrong, they think they are completely justified treating their loved ones badly' although in simpler terms for him.
An Epiphany! Lundy Bancrofts book,' why does he do that', which strangely really anoyed me when i first picked it up has been so helpful to me, as women we are totally mystified by Violence and control when it is directed at us, its confusing, but they spend a long time relishing, planning the next incident! THEY ENJOY IT...Lundy Bancroft has spent years working with these men, and as a man can tell all the tricks.
An Epiphany! Lundy Bancrofts book,' why does he do that', which strangely really anoyed me when i first picked it up has been so helpful to me, as women we are totally mystified by Violence and control when it is directed at us, its confusing, but they spend a long time relishing, planning the next incident! THEY ENJOY IT...Lundy Bancroft has spent years working with these men, and as a man can tell all the tricks.
Thursday, 6 December 2012
34 yrs ago, yesterday
Today i am grateful to God because He is full of Love and care for me.
Thirty four years ago,my friend Rebekah's son was born, i was living at my Parents house, they had been separated for two months,we lived near the Hospital so Rebekah's Husband Howard came round afterwards to tell us,he was so happy, maybe a little stunned by the whole experience, they were only 19 and 20,he really had no idea what to do(,he had been sent shopping)!!!.. and my Mum had been a Midwife so i was able to ask her for advice for Him,Nappies, etc.
My Mum told me that Mike had said to her later that day,'i cant wait til i have a baby, because Howard was so happy' Very sad of course because, 18 days later he went into hospital, he died 2 days later.
So it was Laurie's birthday yesterday, a date i have never forgotten,and of course now it will always be the day my Mum died too.
Thirty four years ago,my friend Rebekah's son was born, i was living at my Parents house, they had been separated for two months,we lived near the Hospital so Rebekah's Husband Howard came round afterwards to tell us,he was so happy, maybe a little stunned by the whole experience, they were only 19 and 20,he really had no idea what to do(,he had been sent shopping)!!!.. and my Mum had been a Midwife so i was able to ask her for advice for Him,Nappies, etc.
My Mum told me that Mike had said to her later that day,'i cant wait til i have a baby, because Howard was so happy' Very sad of course because, 18 days later he went into hospital, he died 2 days later.
So it was Laurie's birthday yesterday, a date i have never forgotten,and of course now it will always be the day my Mum died too.
Wednesday, 5 December 2012
Elizabeth
Today i am grateful to God, for my Mum, its a year today since she died,she was a wonderful person, a wonderful Mum, and i am very glad she was chosen by God to be my Mum.I still have the little brown suitcase she bought me when i was a child in Kenya,i can still remember the smell of the plastic drink bottle she used to put in there for me,her telling me not to was in the patch of long grass in case 'there were snakes'.I remember how she spent an entire weekend in Belfast teaching me to read,they were using the Phonetics system, and i could not read until i was eight.
I can remember shutting the tail of her beloved cat Sooty in the bedroom door, in Chester when we were watching the moon landings in 1969.
I remember how she used to look in the mirror to check her make up and the way she used to purse hr lips!..She used to sen me upstairs at night when we moved to Shrewsbury to shut the curtains at night time, but i was not allowed to put the light on,'incase anyone was looking in'!!!.. very strange, we weren't overlooked, no on-one could have seen in unless they were on a ladder with a high powered telescope!!.
I used to hate it when i would watch T.V with her and she would critise all the women who came on, i never understood female 'bitchiness', never been like that myself, and i remember when we went to Mikes grave on Christmas day, when he died, and it would just turn into a rant against my Dad, i wanted to remember Mike.
She wasn't a Saint, and as i am one of the few people alive who ACTUALLY knew her longest,i feel i have the right to actually comment.She was the whole world to me as a child,a larger than life figure, so beautiful, which i thought was just me, until Tashies boyfriend said in some of the photos from the funeral 'she looked like a movie star'. Very proud!
I can remember shutting the tail of her beloved cat Sooty in the bedroom door, in Chester when we were watching the moon landings in 1969.
I remember how she used to look in the mirror to check her make up and the way she used to purse hr lips!..She used to sen me upstairs at night when we moved to Shrewsbury to shut the curtains at night time, but i was not allowed to put the light on,'incase anyone was looking in'!!!.. very strange, we weren't overlooked, no on-one could have seen in unless they were on a ladder with a high powered telescope!!.
I used to hate it when i would watch T.V with her and she would critise all the women who came on, i never understood female 'bitchiness', never been like that myself, and i remember when we went to Mikes grave on Christmas day, when he died, and it would just turn into a rant against my Dad, i wanted to remember Mike.
She wasn't a Saint, and as i am one of the few people alive who ACTUALLY knew her longest,i feel i have the right to actually comment.She was the whole world to me as a child,a larger than life figure, so beautiful, which i thought was just me, until Tashies boyfriend said in some of the photos from the funeral 'she looked like a movie star'. Very proud!
Tuesday, 4 December 2012
fighting the good fight
Fighting the good fight! the enemy wont win, i am standing in the strength of the Lord,i am not hiding from the world and life anymore, and with Gods strength, we will have the Victory! Hallelujah.
Saturday, 1 December 2012
creeps and manipulation
Today i am grateful to God for my freedom to worship Him, and go to church if i choose,i am feeling a bit insecure about this blog at the moment, i am not sure if the Stalker Ex (howard) can get access to it, i have felt relatively secure that he could not up til now,but it should not be too hard get to this, even with few computer skills...... I have been talking to a few people about the whole history of stalking, its really made me see a few things!!... mainly how this has really be going on for at least 17 yrs, and not just the last three!...its a repeating pattern,in 1996 i had to leave a Church because he started going there, it was the same this year. I had to give up all my friendships within the church,so i was Isolated for a while again, until i started to go to Dot's group every Wednesday in 1998, what a blessing that was to me!.I started up a friendship with a lady called Pat,who i was friends with up til she moved away.
I then made friends with some other people who had also left the first church, Mike and Pete, who introduced me to Rob,we had meetings,with up to 12 people in my house.Pete had worked with the Ex. Howard.So he got involved again after a while,he became friends with them, and complained i had not forgiven him,( because i had not taken him 'back'.!!) Eventually i was excluded from the group, (for daring to tell the truth that the Ex,Howard, was not really born again!!;but he was just doing it to get to me!!!.)I was judged as 'unforgiving',because of course they believed his lies that he had really changed.!!!..('AND Rob felt able to say my children were,"out of control children",Although Rob had never brought up children himself!!)
So they listened to Howard the ex, in fact whatever a load of patronising misogynist men wanted to believe of his lies!!!.( although each of them wanted my attention individually to vent to about their sad lives!!...) One Kangaroo court was held at a guy called Joe's house,(where i was accused of not believing Howard was born again,) (i had told another friend privately,(Andre) who felt it o.k to tell Rob...).A gift to an Abuser!......It was held in front of about seven other people,i apologised,very very humiliating. In 2004 we had another Kangaroo court, because i had dared to not object to Marion asking Darren to come to the meeting with us,Rob did not like him and Forgiveness obviously did not extend to him!!..
I mostly remember the Ex Howard storming out of his own house because the others were not HARD ENOUGH on me!!!.....no one noticed or went after him so he sheepishly crept back in....!!!! WHAT A HERO! his finest hour, not just bullying me, but getting others to do it too!!!... The third Kangaroo court was because Rob kept picking on weaker people in front of others,it was at my house with just four of us, strangely he did not appreciate being challenged about his demeaning others!!,and i have never seen him again. Mike was the last one of the group,when he had no other friends, who could not cope with his Mental Illness and unrelenting judgement of others,i was there for him, he said he regarded my house as 'open house' to him, felt free to come round whenever he wanted, mostly without notice.Sad... These people were not my friends, not really...so have i really lost anything?..What is the common denominator about all these so called friends?.. all were male (obviously,), they all had had VERY un-sucessful relationships with women, were single, or divorced in Pete's case( a sister once told me that he had dragged his ex wife by her hair when he found out she was cheating on him)... and were all controlling, or violent, or had been arrested for sexually molesting women!! So of course with their histories of course they weren't going to treat me with any RESPECT!!EVEN THOUGH THEY HAD ALL SAID I WAS A HANDMAIDEN OF THE LORDS! i wonder what my Heavenly Father will say when they have to face Him!!God forgive me but i hope i am there to see it!!
I then made friends with some other people who had also left the first church, Mike and Pete, who introduced me to Rob,we had meetings,with up to 12 people in my house.Pete had worked with the Ex. Howard.So he got involved again after a while,he became friends with them, and complained i had not forgiven him,( because i had not taken him 'back'.!!) Eventually i was excluded from the group, (for daring to tell the truth that the Ex,Howard, was not really born again!!;but he was just doing it to get to me!!!.)I was judged as 'unforgiving',because of course they believed his lies that he had really changed.!!!..('AND Rob felt able to say my children were,"out of control children",Although Rob had never brought up children himself!!)
So they listened to Howard the ex, in fact whatever a load of patronising misogynist men wanted to believe of his lies!!!.( although each of them wanted my attention individually to vent to about their sad lives!!...) One Kangaroo court was held at a guy called Joe's house,(where i was accused of not believing Howard was born again,) (i had told another friend privately,(Andre) who felt it o.k to tell Rob...).A gift to an Abuser!......It was held in front of about seven other people,i apologised,very very humiliating. In 2004 we had another Kangaroo court, because i had dared to not object to Marion asking Darren to come to the meeting with us,Rob did not like him and Forgiveness obviously did not extend to him!!..
I mostly remember the Ex Howard storming out of his own house because the others were not HARD ENOUGH on me!!!.....no one noticed or went after him so he sheepishly crept back in....!!!! WHAT A HERO! his finest hour, not just bullying me, but getting others to do it too!!!... The third Kangaroo court was because Rob kept picking on weaker people in front of others,it was at my house with just four of us, strangely he did not appreciate being challenged about his demeaning others!!,and i have never seen him again. Mike was the last one of the group,when he had no other friends, who could not cope with his Mental Illness and unrelenting judgement of others,i was there for him, he said he regarded my house as 'open house' to him, felt free to come round whenever he wanted, mostly without notice.Sad... These people were not my friends, not really...so have i really lost anything?..What is the common denominator about all these so called friends?.. all were male (obviously,), they all had had VERY un-sucessful relationships with women, were single, or divorced in Pete's case( a sister once told me that he had dragged his ex wife by her hair when he found out she was cheating on him)... and were all controlling, or violent, or had been arrested for sexually molesting women!! So of course with their histories of course they weren't going to treat me with any RESPECT!!EVEN THOUGH THEY HAD ALL SAID I WAS A HANDMAIDEN OF THE LORDS! i wonder what my Heavenly Father will say when they have to face Him!!God forgive me but i hope i am there to see it!!
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