creeps and manipulation

Today i am grateful to God for my freedom to worship Him, and go to church if i choose,i am feeling a bit insecure about this blog at the moment, i am not sure if the Stalker Ex (howard) can get access to it, i have felt relatively secure that he could not up til now,but it should not be too hard get to this, even with few computer skills...... I have been talking to a few people about the whole history of stalking, its really made me see a few things!!... mainly how this has really be going on for at least 17 yrs, and not just the last three!...its a repeating pattern,in 1996 i had to leave a Church because he started going there, it was the same this year. I had to give up all my friendships within the church,so i was Isolated for a while again, until i started to go to Dot's group every Wednesday in 1998, what a blessing that was to me!.I started up a friendship with a lady called Pat,who i was friends with up til she moved away.
I then made friends with some other people who had also left the first church, Mike and Pete, who introduced me to Rob,we had meetings,with up to 12 people in my house.Pete had worked with the Ex. Howard.So he got involved again after a while,he became friends with them, and complained i had not forgiven him,( because i had not taken him 'back'.!!) Eventually i was excluded from the group, (for daring to tell the truth that the Ex,Howard, was not really born again!!;but he was just doing it to get to me!!!.)I was judged as 'unforgiving',because of course they believed his lies that he had really changed.!!!..('AND Rob felt able to say my children were,"out of control children",Although Rob had never brought up children himself!!)
So they listened to Howard the ex, in fact whatever a load of patronising misogynist men wanted to believe of his lies!!!.( although each of them wanted my attention individually to vent to about their sad lives!!...) One Kangaroo court was held at a guy called Joe's house,(where i was accused of not believing Howard was born again,) (i had told another friend privately,(Andre) who felt it o.k to tell Rob...).A gift to an Abuser!......It was held in front of about seven other people,i apologised,very very humiliating. In 2004 we had another Kangaroo court, because i had dared to not object to Marion asking Darren to come to the meeting with us,Rob did not like him and Forgiveness obviously did not extend to him!!..
I mostly remember the Ex Howard storming out of his own house because the others were not HARD ENOUGH on me!!!.....no one noticed or went after him so he sheepishly crept back in....!!!! WHAT A HERO! his finest hour, not just bullying me, but getting others to do it too!!!... The third Kangaroo court was because Rob kept picking on weaker people in front of others,it was at my house with just four of us, strangely he did not appreciate being challenged about his demeaning others!!,and i have never seen him again. Mike was the last one of the group,when he had no other friends, who could not cope with his Mental Illness and unrelenting judgement of others,i was there for him, he said he regarded my house as 'open house' to him, felt free to come round whenever he wanted, mostly without notice.Sad... These people were not my friends, not really...so have i really lost anything?..What is the common denominator about all these so called friends?.. all were male (obviously,), they all had had VERY un-sucessful relationships with women, were single, or divorced in Pete's case( a sister once told me that he had dragged his ex wife by her hair when he found out she was cheating on him)... and were all controlling, or violent, or had been arrested for sexually molesting women!! So of course with their histories of course they weren't going to treat me with any RESPECT!!EVEN THOUGH THEY HAD ALL SAID I WAS A HANDMAIDEN OF THE LORDS! i wonder what my Heavenly Father will say when they have to face Him!!God forgive me but i hope i am there to see it!!