I have just been having a discussion with Ben about what he calls 'bad guys' and particularly one of the family shrews, or 'Rosanna's' as they are called in my family, he wants to have a relationship with one, and has said' i will keep her away from you in town', and the other one he is mad with for having the Ex round her house... and a lot of the study i have made about these people who would even 's**t' on there only families if it suited there purpose. and the answer came to him and really to me in the same moment,'bad guys are bad guys because they want to be' 'i will talk to them 'said Ben,as we have all thought at times, we are incredulous with their behaviour).my answer was,'you cant change bad guys, they don't think they are doing anything wrong, they think they are completely justified treating their loved ones badly' although in simpler terms for him.
An Epiphany! Lundy Bancrofts book,' why does he do that', which strangely really anoyed me when i first picked it up has been so helpful to me, as women we are totally mystified by Violence and control when it is directed at us, its confusing, but they spend a long time relishing, planning the next incident! THEY ENJOY IT...Lundy Bancroft has spent years working with these men, and as a man can tell all the tricks.
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