Cold heart

Really cold here today,had a nice lunch at Mikes yesterday,great to get out of the house,could not face going to church last night, as felt to rebellious to be in room with Ex,feeling angry, would scream out loud at him,there was also a Ladies meeting on Saturday, which you would expect to be free of Him, but he is decorating the church!!..as it was he was not there,but will be every day,i was talking to Mikes house mate Angelo,he is such a gentle, good person,so kind,i feel so sad that the Ex (Howard)felt it was o.k to argue with him,more like really telling him how to run his life.i suppose i am sensitive at the moment after what happened to Ben,and the fact that He was aggressive to Ben and Joe when they were 5 and 6, (he was taking them out they were arguing over a bike, he picked up the bike with Joe on and dropped it down hard and Joe was hurt between the legs,(Never knew about this til after i kicked him out,Tasha was too scared to tell me.)
Strange that His violence to my children is harder to forgive than his too me,understandable, kids were more vulnerable than me.I have told my daughter who has him looking after my grandson Max, but it has made no difference,i am still struggling with his attempt to ruin my relationship with her, first of all by going round to her house,and then i told her i would not go to her house, but met her other places.Then he decides to tell her the lie that he was her and Tasha's Dad. Puzzling!...caused so much embarrassment and upset for the whole family,now they all know he was lying,and it was just to humiliate me...which to be honest worked very well..So now i go to her house, in May,i went to drop something off at her house just as he was going there, he waited out side and talked to Mike,who he just seemed irritated with, and when i came out,he said to me  'i heard you were not very well' i shouted back ' i am fine'( he tried to talk to Ben, who just ignored him!!!)
So since then he has suddenly started coming round to Mikes,(since he saw me with him), going to the church.
I know Satan is testing me,i feel he has asked the Lord for permission to do this, but i also feel that God has said its ended now, hes still around.....I must trust in God more, His promises are always yes and Amen.Praise Him......