Fleeces and challenges

Today i am grateful the He is my All in All,He provides me with all i need,He is my comfort, and my shelter, Praise Him for who He is.
I have been reading a really interesting Post in another blog,(Spiritual side of domestic violence), she is talking about forgiving Abusers too.
Yesterday i was able to get out of the house for a while, very nice too, it seems like sometimes when i do get out, that either i am really over-sensitive, or that the Enemy puts incidences in my way that should drive me back home , never to venture out again!! i.e just because you are paranoid does not mean they are'nt out to get you!!
( i was coming out of a place where only one person was serving, and there was a huge queue of people waiting, they all stared, at least six of them, through lack of sleep or whatever i stared them all down! NOT like me at all, usually would have been upset all day, so in the car i said out loud to Ben, ' i am in fighting mood today' he was not listening, (he had not slept all night, so the lights were on but nobody was home!)
It was almost like i was challenging the Enemy!!! laying down a fleece!!....., parked the car went to pay, and there were three ladies,all trying to work out how to use it, i helped them, they were a bit flustered and embarrassed,and the oldest one said
'thanks, we are special', just trying not to get drawn, and to take the sting out of the word, i said
'we are all special' (of course it could have been,she said they were, i may be and Ben is)!!! special needs!
Of course the Enemy was not going to let it go on that!!!,,NO WAY,so the woman said
'no SPECIAL in a different way' so my internal voice or the Enemy, (easy to blame him!! )..spent the next half  hour berating me, 'you've let Ben down' 'you have let yourself down' for not retaliating. I don't know, it could be that it was the first bit of human contact i have had that's not family, or A.s.d related for weeks.
So did i turn the other cheek? did i not engage because i was lazy, was it because i am a coward? No idea......i would just like to go out and not have the Enemy after me though!....

False Friends, and enemies

Today i am grateful to God for,being alive,with not the best of health, but i am here non the less! I have been putting off some decisions for a few weeks now but it seems as if God is bringing them to the fore again,someone i know was 'talking up' the Ex,again a person who knows everything that has happened, and who i had told how annoyed i was when the scam artist had done it,but i know i was wrong too because i had wanted to know information about people i had been friends with before,which was wrong of me.
I was starting to have bad dreams about the situation too, (a nice foursome,double dating, going out together,)!! yeuk.. so i don't know if it was her dream projected by the Enemy, or my dream,not unpleasant,but very disturbingwhen i woke up... i had asked the Lord that any dreams i had would be from Him,i can't remember where i got that from,
I had told the friend about the 'green pastures dream' maybe i trusted her too much doing that.I have been uneasy about some of the dreams and visions she has told me about, don't always seem of the Lord,but i did'nt say anything.
So i think the Lord is saying that i have that i have to break off contact, when i went to the Throne room about the Ex He said that Satan had asked to test me, and that it was now over and 'this man will not bother you again',after He said this nothing changed though!!.. i don't know really what i was expecting?...,maybe that he would just disappear from everyones lives, maybe that would have happened if i had gone to the Throne room earlier, like He said.....
I had to make the change, i had to walk away from friends and church.But really what had i lost? they were not my real friends,to be friends with him  after they knew the Truth?
I have to admit i do have trouble with friends, i am loyal, don't talk about people i love behind their backs, and i expect them to treat me the same, does not happen though!!..its the same with husbands, i  must have  too high expectations....the Ex used to take my kids for walks, and spend the whole time telling them how awful i was!!.., go to his mums with the kids and  both of them would do it!... Yet my other Ex, my first husband calls me his best friend!!!...he is such a good guy, i could'nt see it at the time, (maybe the cheating on me with men got in the way?!!! ya think!!!..)
I am a shockingly bad judge of people.....best to just stay away and trust in God!!..He is perfect, never lets me down!

Passing of another faithful hound

the last of the litter has gone my old Yorkshire terrier has died half an hour ago,i year to the day that the other one from the same litter died,she was 17 half years old, and i had not taken her to the vet because i am pretty sick of all vets, i was feeling bad because she had Cancer for most of the last 11yrs, and the last vet we saw said she could not do anything else for her, so i thought maybe the breast Cancer was back, but knew the vet would just want to put her down, and not actually try to help her,i looked at her chest after she died ( she would not let me before) and there was nothing there! so i had felt bad for nothing FOR MONTHS! STUPID ME, FELL INTO  the enemy's trap again, she died just the same as her brother,i was on the phone when she went which annoyed and upset me,shed had some water this morning but just gave a polite lick of the food i offered her for the last 2 days, when her mum was run over she sat by her side all night until we buried her, her own daughter, also called Gizmo did not do the same tho!, she is sitting next to her now,i am sure she mist know she is dead, dogs do.i patted her on the head last night when she was walking around, thank you Lord for her, i know i will see them all again.

A different angle

Today i am grateful for the fact that i have a home,healthy sons and daughters,who all love me.Most of all i am grateful for my salvation,He is my all in all.Bullies and control freaks may try to win, but God has the Victory, and He is the only one i listen too! sometimes He speaks through others who i trust and i try to keep that in mind.
What has God taught me recently? mostly that He is always there, having spent time being on the Internet, around those who are Atheists i feel a little bit dirty from it, but i will try to turn what the enemy meant for bad into good, and pray for these Athiests!...
We went to a conference once about Prophecy, which was not helpful at all, but the man said something which i have always remembered, it was when the Enemy stops pushing you in one direction, be careful because he hasn't ceased the attack, but is coming from a different angle, so don't think he has given up!
There are some Bible verses which say that when a mans ways please the Lord the Enemy leaves him alone! i am not there yet!!

'I love this family'

A man in a bad marriage,one he felt trapped into,blaming himself more that the person who he felt trapped him, does he deserved to be judged as Satan incarnate? I was there, i lived through 21 years of this train wreck of a marriage, the six week cycle of arguing, not speaking, making up, then the whole cycle starts again,and what ever anyone chooses to believe neither of my parents were happy, and because of it bad things were done by both.
Not just one.i saw both of their pain, mum wandering around the garden in the middle of the night trying to understand, Dad crying down the phone,i tried not to judge either of them, they were both in enormous pain.She felt he should stay because he had made a vow to her,he felt unloved and uncared for.
I felt very shocked by the things my mum told me about my Dad, why was she trying to undermine my confidence in Him?  Previously she had never criticised him,now she was turning him into Satan, telling me things, private things, trying to turn me against Him....She saw it as disloyalty to her for me even to have a relationship with him.
I know i adored both of them,i was not going to choose, they both  unwisely unloaded on me,in my 21 year old mind there was no such thing as black and white, i loved them both,but Dad never tried to turn me against Mum, and in fact in those long conversation's never said any thing bad about her at all, except  that he felt unloved.She on the other hand used to say, 'if your father really loves you he would do this or that,' setting him up to fail,to let us down,why did she do that? did she care about us so little?
It has taken a long time for me to come to a balanced view of my parents,my Dad bowed out of our lives,and i was very angry with him for that, but it was made impossible for him to see us, my Mum who previously had done nothing but defend him, had turned him into Satan.
My Dad is no saint,he freely admits he has made mistakes,he is an old man now, who seems happy, and has now been married to his second wife longer than to my Mum.
Being around people who venomously hated him affected me, i came to believe he was Satan too!
 I gave up going to Mikes grave with my mum and sister because she always made it a rant against Dad, i just wanted to think about Mike on the anniversary of the day he died!!!
There is a great danger in making you parents either Saints or Satan, because  they are just flawed Human beings, who make mistakes, like all of us, and of course,I am half 'Satan', because he is my parent too, so every bad thing said must be us too.......
Of course this whole mess was made worse because we were all suffering the Pain of losing Mike,which heightened emotions,its a pain you never 'get over',just learn to live with.
Mike used to say 'i love this family' with tears in his eyes, i know he is looking down on us now,what would he think about the way we have treated each other? more tears..... sorry Mike. You couldn't live your life,and the family you loved have just made it into a thing of Pain.
Shame on us.shame shame......

bully rides again,shame on you, shame on you

..and the Enemy is not going to win, or succeed in re-writing the Past, that I LIVED THROUGH, AS AN ADULT. whatever insults, or pain dredged up is not going to get me to react, (spoilt kids still screaming out' look at me', are not going to affect me in any way,!!)
If you read my post in December about 'Bullies' this will make more sense to you, the 'Bitch' is back, trying to re-write the past, she was 12 when it happened,was protected by everyone, who she now calls 'selfish self serving s**t bags.How can a twelve year old understand what is going on between adults?
 I have seen the truth, the way she treats those in her family, who are inconvenient or embarrassing,i notice on her blog she says, 'i made sure my mum had a christian burial'.Her word is law!!!...,  she will have her way!!! controlling!!!...
How do most self styled'disability rights activists' treat their family....,Do they treat the vulnerable with contempt,even to the extent of breaking the law,?( which states that no one can deny vulnerable people access to anywhere)
Calling HERSELF a disability rights activist!!!.., stands up to bullying, on her blog, but God help anyone who disagrees with her!.., her flying monkey supporters bully mercilessly anyone who dare disagree!...
 i could shame her in the media,bring down their self made house of cards, but i am going to turn the other cheek even though they say 'selfish self- serving s**t bags'
about my Dad  SHAME ON YOU.

He fights for us

Today i am grateful to God for a few days of peace from the Enemy, lovely day yesterday with some of my adult children, The Battle belongs to the Lord!, which was a song we used to sing at the church i was saved into.He fights for us, the only problem with that is that i always try to fight in my own strength, always waiting too long to give Him the fight!..Praise Him for who He is!