'I love this family'

A man in a bad marriage,one he felt trapped into,blaming himself more that the person who he felt trapped him, does he deserved to be judged as Satan incarnate? I was there, i lived through 21 years of this train wreck of a marriage, the six week cycle of arguing, not speaking, making up, then the whole cycle starts again,and what ever anyone chooses to believe neither of my parents were happy, and because of it bad things were done by both.
Not just one.i saw both of their pain, mum wandering around the garden in the middle of the night trying to understand, Dad crying down the phone,i tried not to judge either of them, they were both in enormous pain.She felt he should stay because he had made a vow to her,he felt unloved and uncared for.
I felt very shocked by the things my mum told me about my Dad, why was she trying to undermine my confidence in Him?  Previously she had never criticised him,now she was turning him into Satan, telling me things, private things, trying to turn me against Him....She saw it as disloyalty to her for me even to have a relationship with him.
I know i adored both of them,i was not going to choose, they both  unwisely unloaded on me,in my 21 year old mind there was no such thing as black and white, i loved them both,but Dad never tried to turn me against Mum, and in fact in those long conversation's never said any thing bad about her at all, except  that he felt unloved.She on the other hand used to say, 'if your father really loves you he would do this or that,' setting him up to fail,to let us down,why did she do that? did she care about us so little?
It has taken a long time for me to come to a balanced view of my parents,my Dad bowed out of our lives,and i was very angry with him for that, but it was made impossible for him to see us, my Mum who previously had done nothing but defend him, had turned him into Satan.
My Dad is no saint,he freely admits he has made mistakes,he is an old man now, who seems happy, and has now been married to his second wife longer than to my Mum.
Being around people who venomously hated him affected me, i came to believe he was Satan too!
 I gave up going to Mikes grave with my mum and sister because she always made it a rant against Dad, i just wanted to think about Mike on the anniversary of the day he died!!!
There is a great danger in making you parents either Saints or Satan, because  they are just flawed Human beings, who make mistakes, like all of us, and of course,I am half 'Satan', because he is my parent too, so every bad thing said must be us too.......
Of course this whole mess was made worse because we were all suffering the Pain of losing Mike,which heightened emotions,its a pain you never 'get over',just learn to live with.
Mike used to say 'i love this family' with tears in his eyes, i know he is looking down on us now,what would he think about the way we have treated each other? more tears..... sorry Mike. You couldn't live your life,and the family you loved have just made it into a thing of Pain.
Shame on us.shame shame......