Rape , part 2.no more fear.

Becky, I can’t work out where I got to with the last post, as it’s obviously not designed for iPads, it would be easier to look on a laptop..,  I think I spoke about last time( in part one) was when he came round and Mark went to bed early, the  the shocking and awful experience, I didn’t talk to him afterwards...

I couldn’t see him as my friend anymore, seeing him in that moment changed my opinion of him as a good guy forever...i didnt know what you had been through with him,"you said once "you know what i have been through ith him" i didnt, i dont know even now, I became scared of him,the person who was a trusted friend had gone... i felt i grew up in that moment, i became an object not human being, just a sum of my body parts.. ifelt dehumanised.. scared of him, he thought we were in some kind of relationship, and that has never changed...just a kiss and Cuddle became a life sentence for me... He still came round! and with Mike, He once came round with Jeremy, and then they would leave and he would stay....expecting me to be nice to him!! he even brought your kids round when Mark was there.   I was supposed to sit across the room from him!!  but I’m not reacting anyway, I’m not sure when the second time happened, but from calculating when she was born that it must’ve been March or April.

I don’t even remember it because it happened more than once more than twice, so we moved here. . So you’re probably wondering is this story true? me being attacked by him sexually, to be honest I don’t know why I didn’t think of it as rape...I just thought because I had been with him before, albeit unwillingly it was just something that I had to put up with.

Years later in 2010,he started following me around again,i suppose someone could call that my fault because i had tried to make a relationship work with him a few times...maybe he saw it as easy to change my mind if he persisted enough.. He went to Zans,my friends, the church I went to, he had become the crazy stalker, I was so scared,so upset and depressed, and in 2012 I can't go out of my house without "bumping" into him,... seeing riding past, seeing him riding past Nathan‘s office,literally every time I go out,of the 10 times I went out of the house he is around seven times..

  I went to the Police about him following me,watching me,that was when I spoke to sexual abuse counsellor on the phone because I was so deeply, traumatised and upset about him following me, she helped me to understand what is is, what it was that what he had done,the name RAPE.. I went to the Police they couldn’t do anything after all those years I think it was 26 years at the time or 28 years, but they said "if he carries on stalking you come back and we’ll do something about it, so I went back...more excuses not to help, all i really wanted them to do was speak to him and ask him to leave me alone,because i knew it would stop him, because he was frightened of them..but it was too much trouble for them..as a disabled woman i wasnt important enough.. i hope the world has changed since then, but i doubt it. Ben spoke to Officer Sue at youth club, Sue came round the next day and said if "he bothers you again I will talk to my sergeant about it and will go and visit him,and will get a warning to leave you alone", and that’s all I wanted. so in the end when I reported it again officer Sue had been moved on and the new sergeant knew nothing about it, so they sent two part time officers, thats al these years of harrasment waranted!PsO'S!! In the end that Officer ended up being the most helpful!!,the male Officer told me about his friend whose wife didnt want him around anymore, and with far less provocation than i had stupidly endured,she got a solicitor to say that he was acting like a stalker ,and it had worked!, please bear in mind i had been to a Solicitor in 2010,and had nothing to do withhim for several years,and had a letter sent to him which had no effect,SAYING I WANTED NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM, after he had tried to talk to me at Zans house, after me making it clear many many times that i wanted nothing more to do with him.. What am i supposed to do, i didnt want him around me, i was scared of him,he was intimidating and threatening, why wouldnt he take my no to mean NO? the communit officers, PcSo,said to try again with a solicitor so I went to a wonderful one in a town about 20 miles away and she sent him a firm letter saying I didn’t want this harassment this was two years after the previous letter which Sarah was upset about it At Zans wedding part this one;had an accompanying letter that went to the West Mercia police and if my name ever pops up on their records his name will pop up too, that’s how much store they put by that because they obviously know and realise that stalkers can be dangerous, I have lived in fear of him for years, but more, so much more scared since the stalking started and that’s been over 22 years with the worst part of the stalking being him going to Zans house,and saying all the lies about him being their Dad,i had no idea he was, and i supppose thats why my own daughter call me a liar...of course today its so easy to get a test, its wasnt so easy in the 1980s.and let me say agin that Mark knew there was a chance,he could have got someone pregnant if he had cheated with a woman, but he cheated on me first with a Man. When we had results, they were too scared to tell him (my two girls) asked me to ring him and he was flabbergasted, he was shocked , it told me he never believed for one moment thought it could possibly be true and it had been another way for him to wind up me, 10 years of this has been hanging over me why the heck didn’Didnt he get all those years ago if he really thought it was true? because he didn’t think it was true!!!.. I don’t deserve to be treated like this by you or any other human being, I didn’t initiate this I didn’t want this this,it happened, against my will, and it still happening against my will.. I’m the one branded a Liar my oldest daughter  she lives in a world where DnA tests are done really quickly and really cheaply1980s do you think for one moment I really believe that She was his?? As I’ve said marks known about this all the way along and I suppose if one day someone decides to tell him that’s up to them. It won’t affect me in any way, Mark is genuinely a good guy, the best man and the best Dad,if someone has the conscience to tell him and he goes over the edge,and kills himself that will be on their conscience,he is mentally unstable, its not fair to burden him with that, but it if its worth taking that chance to someone, to get their revenge on me, please go ahead, i know Howard stood in front of him and couldnt tell him. Of course i suppose there will be people who think i am lying about this to protect myself...i am an honest person, i dont lie, i am a born again Christian, truth is important to me...Mark wanted to have Howards ADRESS WHEN STARTED this IN 2010,he said "why" is he bringing all this up after all these years?" he knew it wasnt because he wanted the "truth, it was just part of Howards sick plan to get me ' back", in a 'relationship' with him,yes we did get together, yes i gave him many many chances to prove he had changed,but it never lasted long...Didnt you divorce him yourself?..i think i gave him more chances than you did, more fool me!. I am an innocent person, if someone seems different, i beleive they are,he kept saying he was!!"changed",but its was an act,he was obbsessed with me, not fun,SCARY... so i gave him another chance, but then he was taking my kids to his Mums and she was being NASTY ABOUT ME IN FROM OF MY KIDS AND HE WAS TOO..hE SEEMED TO ACTUALLY HATE ME WHEN HE WAS WITH ME AND THEN IDEALIZE ME WHEN I MADE HIM LEAVE, A TERRIFYING THING TO BE ON THE OTHER END OF... Howard has gone into hospice, I’ve just been told he’s deteriorated in the last week I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.. I personally have no feelings of revenge on malice or anything to Howard I was told by my Daughter,and his bio kid,one of at least four, so far, but he has told me of many more women when he was working on the " lodge" in Wales,more women, one who was just opening a window for him,a woman who he thought wanted it'' he pulled her down on the ground...i really do hope she wanted it, but from my own experience i am not sure... I was unfortunate that he behaves the way he does, that’s his choice I don’t want any bad things to happen to any animal or person on this planet I don’t wish any evil on him, but I wouldn’t wish that on anybody, but I don’t have to fear every time I go out the door,I dont HAVE to think hes going to kill me one day,all the time. My children don’t know this, they don’t know I’m afraid I will be killed by him oneday..Stalkers kill... its in the news every day...