I was listening to a new U2 song, from their new album,called Innocence, i think! the song is called "California"; Some of the words are.... "We fell into the shining sea......the weight that dragged your heart down.....thats what took me where i need to be....which is Zuma....I watched you cry like a baby...."
Suddenly it was 15 years ago, i was sobbing on my Bed while Howard stood there looking confused... It was just Five words that had undid my WHOLE life....
"You have too many dogs"( they had been fighting under the bed),,
"too many dogs" a simple phrase, which meant so much more than those simple words,his mask had slipped,Howard had made a fatal flaw... You have too many dogs...... Sudden realization....... Utter despair......... He's not changed..... Its all lies......
A Facade.......
HE DIDN'T GUARD HIS WORDS THAT TIME..... his true nature showed, and the Mask slipped, he couldn't keep it up forever!! SO i cry like a baby,deep soul tearing sobs, animal like, for the life we could have had,the lies,the promises he made... all lies!!...i mourn, from deep inside....
Years ago when we first met, he told me 'our' song was another U2 song "With or without you",and of course it is talking about doomed love,very strange that its come back to a U2 song,to end it all!! round it off so to speak, although of course it ended years ago! The "weight that dragged" is significant too, Howard was like all abusers sucking the life out of me,my heart had to go down so his heart could go up like a see saw,almost like HE cant feel good unless I feel bad, He feeds on the pain He causes.Always have to feel good by putting us down.....Dangerous..
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