A busy week...

It's 4.am!and I can't sleep after a very busy week! Joe and Daisy and baby have moved out,but I have seen them or talked to them most days,and Ben has already put stuff back up in the attic!and I suppose I am glad they are happy and safe,Jon is causing them some grief because he is a toxic person...and an evil cloud seems to cling around him...I know it is demonic and because of me being involved in the c.m.a ministry the enemy is not happy and is getting at my kids...sometimes I feel myself feeling sad for Jon that he is going to miss out on so much in his life,but then I tell myself off, because he has responsibility for his own actions,no-one else,and feeling sympathy is letting him off the hook!...feeling sympathy is saying "you are not responsible for your actions"and he is! That's the shocking truth about Abusers,they are not some innocent victim,they choose it because they enjoy hurting others...the ones they are supposed to love.... REAL Love should not hurt..a normal non abusive human being does not enjoy inflicting pain. In my simplistic way I thought "I do not hurt those I love,so he says he loves me, but treats me badly so he can't love me"...that was such a freeing thought!!!, it took the responsibility away from the bad guy,and I was given the choice,it freed me of my responsibility to him, it made it so simple ""you don't hurt the ones you love,so he doesn't love me".Of course all Abusers really hate the fact that we have the power, and of course they never know when the last straw will be!!!..the whole relationship only exists as long as we are willing to put up with it!...an amazing revelation! I can still remember it to this day! A real "eureka" moment for me!! Once I KNEW there was no turning back for me....I have just realised that I have no idea what a normal "relationship",marriage is like...how it works!..so sad!..now really I don't even care,my parents was a dis functional marriage while it lasted...weird!..I sometimes listen to my friends in happy marriages and really wonder how they do it...then they have a little tiff, apparently not a scary thing in normal marriages!!! and then I know,"ah yes I am so glad I am divorced" TOO much trouble... I don't yearn for companionship, because fortunately I have always liked my own company, I don't yearn for intimacy,because I have no idea how that works in a successful marriage! ( you never miss what you never had)!!..My relationship with God satisfies all my needs! He is all in all to me!..I suppose I am like my mum who was happiest alone,my Dad is happy in his marriage now which is great! God is good, and I am happy to be free to be who I am! i see marriage as just another needy person who wants to take from me.. And I am not prepared to give any of myself away to untrustworthy humans anymore, God is the only trustworthy Being,who gives far more than we can ever know! I hope I have quite successful relationships with my sons and daughters, and I am so grateful to God for them,I have some good friends now who I can turn to when I need help. So I feel pretty happy with my life. Praise God for all His blessings to me and mine.