Goodnes and Mercy.

Today i am grateful for the wonderful gift God has given me, my children, all grown up now, and the best accomplishment of my life,the best thing i have done,and the best gift from God,it may seem i am being Proud of myself,no i am proud of them,God has been looking after them and brought them to this point despite me!!!
The enemy of our Souls was bringing back some stuff from the past, so i know i cant be me who brought them through, The Enemy also wants me to think they are adrift without God in the Sea of this world, worrying that they are not saved,not living according to His will,or that they will go to Hell,But the Lord is victorious As always! So despite me and my failings,and the whispering campaign of the Father of Lies, God is taking care of them!
I have been ill for a while now, just cold and tummy,stuff,He has been leading me through some of the memories from the past,stuff from the Ex,which most of which I had forgotten,I don't really know why this has been happening, for what reason,maybe He wants it dealt with once and for all,As He has done before with me,He took me through every action individually the Ex had done, strangely I was not angry any more, but just answered how I would have liked him to have behaved,
i.e. His Mum being Nasty about me, IN FRONT of my children, when he took them for a walk there, ( I was not there, and only found out about it after I had kicked him out)

By Saying;
'Please don't put her down EVER, and especially not in front of her children, she is the woman I love, and I wont tolerate you speaking about her like that'
( in fact he was doing the same on the way there and joining in with her,and she swore too)
To be completely honest at the time i found EVERYTHING he did ANNOYING, but did not express that, like him!.
BUT.... i was living with Put downs, snide remarks, fear of violence...or lost temper

IF I HAD KNOWN....WHAT WOULD I HAVE DONE?

i would have made him leave.

What is love?
Is it wanting me to be unhappy all the time?..,
is it,..
Teasing
Mocking
hitting
Strangling?

NO!
THEREFORE HE DOES NOT LOVE ME.....'

So sad,it must be very shocking to those who don't live like that, its a bit shocking to me to see it down here in black and white.....to others it may not seem a very serious thing that he did, he was violent too, i don't know why i have chosen to share this Particular instance...
It is indicative of his whole attitude, and a prelude to the recent instance where he attempted to ruin my relationship with my Daughter, and my other children too, which Hurt me more than ANYTHING else he ever did to me. He is claiming to be a changed person now,but the sneering look on his face I saw recently, and His lies to my Daughter in June,show there is no change at all in Him,..ie,(he said to my daughter that he had never tried to talk to me,but he had done 6 days before!)...

I am so far away from that now, i know i deserve better, i have dealt with the unforgiveness i have felt for years,my life is wonderful now, because i have God in it, He love me,He loves my children, in fact He gave them to me as the most precious gift, (after His love). Goodness and Mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,and I will dwell in the House of the Lord forever.