nastiness

Its a disapointing day today,i was confronted on Facebook by two posts that i found offensive, one by my ex-husbands brother, a photo showing a naked fat woman sitting on a man, also naked,obviously in a sex act,o.k he is free to post whatever he wants,the intent being that fat women are disgusting,he is slim now, but i can remember when he was very overweight, he has a beautiful wife who has never been fat,how disgusted was she when he was fat..and even more disapointing a Christian brother posted a photo of a man with his large girlfriend,and when he took up the guitar the girlfriend was replaced with a thin woman dressed in shorts and tight vest top....sad sad sad,(this brother is in his 60's and bald)

Dark leaden skys

Today is one of those days when i don't know what i am going to write and the Lord gives me Inspiration! i hope....I am still concerned about Mike and Darren, neither of them are showing any inclination to come and Pray, or seemingly any interests in the things of God,should i worry about them? no not really i have to give them over to God,and try and forgive them for their various sin against me! (Mike put the phone down on me almost two weeks ago now, when i was in the middle of a sentence...i was quite annoyed,but have not to let it fester but try and forgive!) Its very cold and dark here in England,there is only 8 ish hours of daylight here at this time of year, and some days it stays so cloudy and overcast that it seems to never really get light! today i am just looking at a leaden sky, and it has been light for 1 and half hours... i really find it hard to drag myself out of the house at this time of the year..most people want to stay home in the warm, the central heating is still wonderful to me...although i does send me to sleep a lot!!

The Enemies workers

I have been looking back at some old posts, and its quite amazing to see how even two years ago how much prayer we were having, with Mike and Darren, and the repeated pattern, of the Enemy getting in and it all ending,years before when i was very close to some women called Pat and Dot, we were an effective prayer team, The Lord had us Prayer walk round our home town, Coventry and York,we let a black Lady in called Evelyn,who first decided that Frances should not be in the group, because she was not, in her eyes,walking in the "gifts of the Holy Spirit",when i stuck up for Frances, and would not let her be kicked out, surprise surprise,They all turned on me, at Evelyn's instigation,she promised them all positions in her new house church movement,which never happened!!..Pat was lured by a new African prayer style of, walking up and down and praying very forcefully, great if you are alone, but in a room full of others!!, all doing the same....who is the Author of Confusion? SATAN! So has the Enemy won again, did He win last time? How do i know it was not God drawing me out of that by showing me the Enemies Tactics? we are all vain creatures, they were lured away by false promises of position and glory,the Enemy saw their heart,Mike by a pretty face, and again false promises of glory and position,Rob by the enemies Tactic of believing he was ALWAYS right!!!...he is another control freak, its o.k to challenge others, pick their lives apart,criticize all, but when he was pulled up for bullying..it all ends....very sad, 'as long as you all do as you are told i will play with you, but when i am not winning i leave' like spoilt kids!!!. So here i am,alone in my home where once i would have meetings of up to 12 people sometimes!!,discipling those who were mostly single, some with mental problems,most who would not go to church....how life moves on!

New grandchild, Scam Artists, and the new life God has given me!

A new year, a time of letting go of the past, and moving onto new and exciting future, or the new phrase, used increasingly annoying 'moving forward' so irritating...So we let go of the failures, the mistakes of the past and start anew, i know as a believer that in Jesus we can let go of the past,He allows us, i feel very sorry for the un-believers who don't have this privilege in Him,what do they do with all the pain, and un-forgiveness that leaves them' stuck in a moment'its hard sometimes to give it to Him even as a believer, its a process we have to go through..'grief is a process' as it says in the wonderful film 'Analyse that'.... I am to have another Grandchild, its wonderful news,even though they have no where to live, no jobs!!...I know God is in control,and as Nathan my oldest has said it may be the making of Joe! he has already told me that on sunday when Daisy was rushed to hospital,and told she would probably lose the baby, he had to stay strong for her,Praise God she didn't! At the moment i am quite sad that my old friends don't want to see me as much as i want to see them..that's life i guess,the woman i call the scam artist has popped up again smelling of roses, i don't know what she needs to do to Mike and Andre for them to reject her...(she simpered up to Andre and said she could get from him what she cant for her husband, it took me two weeks to get Andre through that, and she abandoned Mike in India, and refused to give the Mental nurse,whose name i cant remember any money to buy the tickets, home Mike tried to attack him three times on the flight home,and all the scammer has to say is He (the nurse) was telling 'everyone he was a doctor')....and that is sufficient to absolve her of any guilt!!! i don't know if i can sit by and watch them getting hurt by her any more..I am feeling very much a spare part,i feel as if i am not important to them anymore..and to be honest i am not, i have been puzzling about this, a lot in the last few days, i don't want to come to the conclusion that when i was younger i was closer to them, and now i am older they are not interested..because they have younger more available women around! i really thought they liked me for me,my personality,nothing more..its sad, but not devastating! i did expect more of them, there is not a human being in the world that can be trusted!! we all let each other down, Thank goodness we have The Lord in our lives!He never lets us down! Praise Him. God has brought me a whole new group of friends,the Bikers,Christian Motorcycling Association,this year has really brought so many changes in my life,so i leave some people in the past,Andre Mike, and Darren,the last two being the ones i have had fellowship most with in the past years, and i hope been a help to!since this time last year God has really turned my life around, i actually want to go to church! (Bikers Church)!, i have got my confidence back, which had been knocked badly,after the whole 'Avril',( she was a really close friend who i had discipled,and then just disappeared out of my life with no explanation) thing,and the hiding in the house,in the summer of 2012,the Stalker ex almost won, but it really was the Enemy of out souls behind it as always!!!1,Howard, the ex is just a pathetic, sad,violent, weak man,who cant let go..(i do have to be a bit careful what i say about Him after the whole 'dis-embodied voice thing')!!but as i have said before God has given me the strength to completely forgive Him,and when Andre said on the phone 'Howard really does moan a lot' i was bemused, because i did not immediately launch into a tirade about him!!! and even when i was going through the 'summer of 2012) i was not unforgiving about the past, just furious that he doesnt seem to think i have the right to say 'stay away', surely women have the right to do that, to refuse unwanted Male attention, to be able to go out of the house, without having to be fearful, about 'accidentally on purpose'meeting with the saddo!.

Re-writing History,Hearsay, and Forgiveness!! 'tidings of bitterness and lies, bitterness and lies'

Yesterday was the 23rd December,the day in 1978 that my brother was taken into hospital,my Mums birthday,also the day Mike was conceived, she told me!! she was 45,Mike was suffering from a heart condition,Primary Pulmonory Hypertension,he died on Christmas day,just two days later, at 17 it was cruel to lose him so young,Dad had brought him an Antique Chess set, and just opening it early had sent him into a fit of coughing.....so now 35 years later,My Mum has died,Mike has Died,my Dad lives far away and is 80 himself soon,and i have Five very healthy children,God is good all the time,He gets us through. all the time, i am not going to let some lies told about my family upset me this year, i know that the ones who are gone would agree with me,Mike loved Christmas,He loved my Mum and Dad, My Mum loved my Dad till the Day she died, and i wont let anyone I love be airbrushed out of History!!, i was there i saw it,i didn't get it secondhand!..
Its very un-Christ like of me i know,but there are very un-pleasant relations of mine i would like to air-brush out!! (well only one actually)...Why cant they let go and forgive? Life is too short!!
Unfortunately, we can choose out friends,but not our family!,and those that chose to live their lives full of bitterness and un-forgiveness,are very sad, life is to be lived now!,My Mum forgave, she did not let a bitter divorce ruin the rest of her life,she had better things to do,she knew how important forgiveness is,just as those who have to forgive their husbands infidelity FORGIVE to keep the family together!..so many things are more important than nursing bitterness and anger for our whole lives! Especially when it is on someone else's behalf,only hearing one side of the argument,and not actually having been there, and lived through it..... so the Bombastic bullies live on to ride another day and try to re-write History....so sad,a Judge in a court would not take 3rd party Hearsay as truth, neither should anyone else! even the ones my Dad calls the 'Wicked Witch of the west'..Happy and Blessed Christmas to everyone out there!

HIS VOICE

I have been thinking about the time when God spoke to me,in a deep mans voice, which seemed to come out of my Body, my stomach,i was alone in the house and had been thinking some bad thoughts about my Ex husband Howard, i had been thinking how thick, stupid he was, that's when this deep Mans voice spoke, and said 'Don't you think I can make him into the man you need him to be' this was about ten years ago,i didn't affect me greatly at the time,except I tried to stop thinking bad thoughts about him, for a while anyway!
I do still talk about him to my daughter Tash, because she doesn't like him much,none of my kids do, even Zannie who has him round her house,her husband Andy made a big fuss when i first objected to it, and said it was not up to me to say who they could have round their house.Loyalty to me none existent..which in effect means i can't go to my daughters house when ever i want to.i also can't go to Mikes house or the church i was going to for 15 years, this man Howard is obviously a stalker, and one of the things they are well known for doing is to involve the family and friends of the one they seek to control, to get information from, and also seek to break down all the victims support group,he has failed!
But i am getting away from the main thing i wanted to ponder, about the Audible voice of God,i am not boasting about the fact that He chose to speak to me, i was humbled, and He was rebuking me for sinning!i don't really know why i am dwelling on this now,is it because i now know He knows all out thoughts?...Is it because of the so called 'Supernatural' thing, that a disembodied voices spoke. i cant even remember my reaction to this,why now after all this time has it come back? am i supposed to learn something from this now? but i don't know what!

Testimony, part three.

I kept going to that Church for a few years, was Baptized in the River in August, it was still cold! but low because it had been a hot summer.I never really felt accepted in the Church, it was not in an old church building,just a meeting in an old town building,the Pastor had never been to Bible college or ordained by any religious Organization, but were real born-again believers, with a wonderful musical ministry,i felt most comfortable in Biker clothes, and all the other Women wore frilly, flowery stepford wife type dresses!!...that's fine for them, but God has not made me like that!!...I was a problem to them because i was divorced, they almost worshiped marriage,and when i go married again, despite advice not too,and Howard started to hit me they told me that it was sinful not to obey my husband and emotionally blackmailed me into staying with a violent man, i have struggled for a long time to forgive them, i felt my life was worthless to them, because he could have easily killed me.. So on very painful night after i made him leave,the Lord took me through every incident of abuse,i was that sexually molested 4 year old again, that scared and cowering 12 year old, trying to protect my brother and sister as my parents tried to kill each other, that up 15yr old beaten by my father,that Raped 27 yr old, and beaten wife twice!He showed me He was there with me i was never alone,He asked me to forgive these men,not to let the 'off the hook' as i thought, but to stop the affects of their choices, affecting my life, God is so good,He takes the 'foolish things of the world (me) to confound the wise' Doctors Counsellor's, Pyschiatrist's, Pyschologist's, none of these wise wordly people can heal the affects of abuse, only God!If you don't know Him turn to Him now, it will be the best, the best, thing you will every do! just say you are sorry for the bad stuff you have done, imagine your heart has a little door, open it for Him, ask Him to come into Your Heart and life, do it today don't go another Minute with out Him in your life, its the best advice i can give you, He is the best Gift you will ever receive, God bless you.