Kingsman? nope KINGSWOMAN!

I have just watched a film called "KINGSMAN", with Colin Firth,a spy Movie spoof,they are typical English Gentlemen, wearing Saville Row suits...the evil villain uses peoples mobile phones to send out a signal to turn humans into vicious killers, everyone turns on each other. It was an interesting idea, the prototype is used in a church,in America which i think is based on Westboro Baptist church in America, those unpleasant people who say "God hates F**s" ( a nasty name for Gay people).I may have missed something but there really is no reason to use a church for this..., its very unsettling,not just because of the really gory violence ,( i had to cover my eyes), but because of the unspoken pleasure we were supposed to indulge in watching these unpleasant people kill each other. I suppose i have missed this so far,many Christian believers have been saying that we as Christian are being sidelined, mocked for our views.. I am not anti Gay,I try not to judge anyone,(because I am a sinner and don't see myself as better than anyone else).Also because Jesus tells us not to Judge others!!!,but how long will it be until the Enemy lumps us all together?, we are going to be seen as no better than those Vile people. God DOES NOT HATE ANYONE,He loves EVERY-ONE of His children.

Induction

We are still waiting for Willow, poor Daisy has now been induced 3 times,she is in hospital, there is a doctors strike today here in England, so it is difficult to know what will happen.I managed to make it to Brian and Helens last night for about 45 minutes,until i had to leave to pick up Joe and Ellie and take them back home, Daisy's Mum Alison has stayed in the hospital with her,so we are still in limbo,she is 10 days overdue now. UPDATE!..She is here!safely delivered, Joe fainted and puked, because her heart rate dropped, and a lot of people were in the delivery room. She is home safely Now,Praise God! i will have to ask Joe if he was praying on that floor!! I bet he was!!!,i wonder who athiests pray to when in a desperate situation?!! I have a sneaky suspicion that they do desperately ask God for help, just like they celebrate Christmas and send Eggs at Easter!!(In the title music on a t.v programme called the "leftovers" a woman sings that God laughs when people ask Him for help when they are desperate!!)

Dad, Lies, Lies and exaggerations?...

"There goes the old man"I said, as the Hearse went past.We were waiting at the Crematorium,when Tashy and i went to the funeral,,i felt like vomiting when we first in the church, and cried through most of the service...he's gone. It was strange to hear about his life and accomplishments,it was strange to see Him through others eyes,It was strange to hear my Half brother Dan talk about him,in the tribute, and to see how much more easy going he was with Dan and his friends... Its going to be strange when his book is published on the 7 January.Its not so strange to remember the good things,which is difficult because a lot of them are tainted by other peoples bad opinions of him,My Parents had a very nasty divorce,we were expected to take sides,My Brother Mike died at the same time, and all the emotions were all mixed up, neither of them came out of it well, My Mum felt that we were betraying her by having contact with Dad, and even said stuff like "if your Dad really cared about you he would pick you up from the House"(,he didn't want to engage with her)He was the bad one in her eyes for leaving a marriage, which was a train wreck, and to be fair he did meet someone else fairly soon.Mum also talked about Dad with a completely different attitude , before she had always backed him up,now he was Satan!!, which i guess was understandable,as he had left her, Marriage was for life in their age group. It was strange to hear people with such good opinions, good relationships, with him.I have had to totally reassess, and remember why we fell out for so many years...It's not pleasant going back to something i have always felt guilty about, but good to know it wasn't all my fault.He decided he didn't want to be part of my kids life, which upset me a lot at the time, because they were curious about him...It's hard to think about instances, things that i remember about him, because we were a family and i cant separate memories, of both my parents together.Once Dad took me to give me a driving lesson, and said i would be a good driver one day, total parental exaggeration!! I remember Caravan holidays,our dog fighting with another dog, and their jaws getting locked together , as terriers do,and the other owner pouring a bucket of water over them, Dad was being charming as always, always laughing and trying to make us all laugh.I remember the way he would sing to him self when he went to answer the door, and how hospitable he was,"Pom pom pom", on the way to the door.We met up with some old friends from Kenya,Dad was laughing and hugging the other Guy!!! Strange!.When he was on Honeymoon and i had a sickness bug,he held my hair, and emptied the vomit, this amazed me at the time, because i don't remember him doing any of this before, my Mum was a nurse so she took care of us.Neither of my parents were physically affectionate, touchy feely type of people.

The Truth, the WHOLE truth, and nothing BUT the truth?

Lie and liars? Darren's carer called him a Liar yesterday...so we had a discussion about what lying is,he was upset, because he had told the truth and felt he wasn't a Liar!, when he complained to the Carers Boss, because he is Asperger's they said to him that, the Carer was just doing it 'because she cared' about him...As if because they are doing it out of affection it makes it o.k? Does it hurt less?and of course we come back to the old Lemon that if someone does "Care" about you, they don't hurt you, i know that is a very simplistic idea and that, as human being we disagree, argue, but Ghandi said"that forcing your will on another person is violence". that was a shock when i first read it, "too extreme" i thought!!! "stupid liberal, namby pamby-ism", but it's true!!
We are always told to 'trust our instincts '(i.e if something feels wrong, it is wrong,Feminists would say that we as women are 'conditioned' to defer to men in every way and to be emotionally available!, (I read a link to a very funny blog that said that women should charge for the emotional sympathy we give to men friends!! Well i have certainly been that to Darren, and even Andre in the past!..) No one conditioned ME! Its just something that God has put in our nature, its the mothering instinct,which of course MEN must never know , because obviously they are all big boys now! and don't need 'mothering' any more!! Yeah Right!! Ha Ha!!! behind every man is a woman who encourages , sympathises,MOTHERS THEM!!!..,the big babies!
So what about so called "lies of ommison?" which seems to just be,NOT telling the whole truth? Does anyone have the right to know the whole truth, how would we get by by telling the Whole truth, all the time?.I was trying to explain this to Darren, i don't know if it got through...because his Carer is very bossy,(controlling really), he is scared of her and feels he has to tell her, and everyone else all his business, all his wrong doing, leaving nothing out,because otherwise it would be lying!
No one has the right to know all our inner mind, all our private shameful thoughts, except God! Its just amazing that He loves me anyway!!.It's Grace, undeserved favour. Praise Him!.So what is the answer? As adults we choose what we let other people know about us,we filter and Edit constantly,which is tedious and exhausting.How can anyone ever be truly truthful? How can we be, without showing and making vulnerable the soft underbelly of our innermost selves, are we, am I, constantly living a dishonest life, pretending like the Abuser to be someone i am not? Despite all my so called humility i have an inner ego which makes me think really i am not such a bad person,"there are far worse people in the world i tell myself, and feel all puffed up,pious and self satisfied!
Pointing the finger!!, I am bad but they are worse ..ha ha, but every time I point the finger I have three fingers pointing right back at ME!
Pontius Pilate asked Jesus," What is Truth" We are still asking the same question today, not the sort of truth that they were talking about,the Person who is the Truth, who sets us free "the Truth will set you free", the One who was called "the Truth the Way and the Life" When and how do we learn to lie?, I remember when Ben's Dad realised the first time that Ben was lying to him, he thought it was wonderful! not surprising for an Abuser,I felt sad for his loss of innocence.Small children cant lie,they always tell the truth,its such a shame that this world, and our fallen human nature changes us, so much! I know WHO is Truth! its the everyday process of being ABSOLUTELY truthful that I have a problem with!!.

Nobby, the Elf?

"I WANT TO BE AN ELF" shouted Nobby the Gnome,very loudly, as he ran through the forest, and frightened the small animals who were his friends, "what's wrong with Nobby"asked his friend the Unicorn "We don't know," said Loppy the hare, the hiding animals crept out slowly from behind the bushes,and trees. " I want to be an elf" came from the forest, "he is coming back" said the animals, and hid again, Unicorn waited until Nobby appeared, "I WANT TO BE AN ELF" He shouted again, "Nobby "said Unicorn "why are you shouting" " I WANT TO BE AN ELF" Nobby shouted even louder. " why?" asked Unicorn " Why?" said Nobby,shocked, (he didn't understand why anyone would want to be a Gnome, when there were such wonderful graceful creatures in the world as Elves) " why?" said Unicorn, "God has made you a Gnome with short legs and knobbly knee's, you don't have to bend down to collect dew for the sick animals, i can't do that,who would help the poor sick rabbits if you were an Elf?" " I want to be an elf" said Nobby, quieter this time. "Nobby" said the ancient Oak tree",i will give dew to the sick rabbits to drink,i have some on my leaves, i will just bend down and go to their Holes" "o.k" replied Nobby,"but how can you do that,you can't bend,or walk?" "I want to be a gnome" said the Oak tree, "then i can help the sick rabbits, I will ask God to make me a Gnome, i need to give the sick rabbits a drink", said the Oak tree."but then who will shade the animals in the hot sun, or make acorns for the Squirrels to eat in the cold winter,what will happen to the Squirrels? they might die if i am not here to give them my acorns..." "God has made us what we are to help Others," said Unicorn " if He had made everyone Elves who would give the Squirrels food in the winter? "Or our sick friends dew?,we thank God He made you a Gnome and not an Elf" said the small animals coming out from their hiding places, " and we thank God he made our friend the Oak tree", said the Squirrel

Vanity, Vanity all is vanity (press)

I have kept a diary since i was eight years old,i have put some of the entries on here and even copied some of the ones from the 1960's onto my laptop, and another children's story "Nobby the Elf", which i have of course lost when i had the computer updated,from vista to windows 10!! very annoying of course, but i have such limited skills with a computer its bound to happen i have no idea how to save any of my work..i suppose i could use a memory stick if i tried hard, but it gone... i suppose i could have emailed it to myself, i should have done that...too late now!!I have had an idea now for a while that i would like my story to be an inspiration for other christian women,to know how the Lord has saved me and brought me through Rape,and domestic violence, and being a carer of of handicapped son, I don't know how to do this,i have investigated publishing a book...i am not interested in making money or even the prestige of being an "Author",but i do want to tell the world how good God is,and what HE has done for me! How can i do this?...in the end i have come to the conclusion that it is only through this blog, but since then i have thought, do i in fact own my own words on here?..could my experiences be used for the Enemies purposes!!the mind boggles... it's in the Lords hands of course! if He wants this to happen He will make it happen!!. Well i have been +1'd again on this post and i only posted it 30 minutes ago!...i think i have made a mistake, worrying and planning any future for my testimony to bless anyone is not right!its His-story not mine! History!! a really bad Christian joke! there are so many things in this blog i am ashamed of, so much un-forgiveness, so much finger pointing, it is my real unedited life, and i am very far from a good Christian, in fact i am a very ineffective Christian, and read a very funny book about that recently..so maybe its better that this writing is not turned into a book..Oh i am so humble..NOT!!

42 minutes into 2016...and constant barking..

Well it's new years day, well 42 minutes into it anyway!, and next doors jack Russell terrier has just stopped, now barking again now outside! and has been doing inside since 11.40pm, it's a very annoying dog, I can't walk upstairs in my house or even shut a cupboard door without it barking at me..there are four dogs in my house and not one has barked today since the fireworks started tonight...I think they are just so drunk next door that they can't be bothered to stop the dog.what a sad existence...whoops barking again....the neighbours on the other side have small kids I wonder why they don't complain?....Ben is on his second daily dose of his medicine, and there has been no more effect on his sleeping, but I know that the sleepiness is a side affect that does wear off... So I am not getting too excited!!someone is now singing outside...maybe the adults are away next door, and the teenagers are just going wild, but I am sure I heard the woman's voice earlier....oh well!! its not worth bothering about, i suppose its just once a year after all!!!