Telling the truth in love...

My wonderful friend Andre has been staying with Mike for a few days this week, and i am happy to say he says Mike is back to his normal self,he is not too friendly towards me though, because we had "words" a few weeks ago when he was responsible for closing down a Prayer for Israel meeting at a town 30 miles away, (the leader had told Elizabeth he did not want Mike to come,his exact words were " if he comes again i am not".
I told him this and said " why are you not better, people don't want you around" which was very harsh, but i had been told by his oldest friend Nicky that he was not taking his medicine properly,she tells him the truth which he does not like,so i thought that as i care about him its only right to tell him the truth,i can never get away with anything i always get the truth from him!
Andre is happy that Mike is going to have some "harsh" words for the scam artist,which i doubt, because she is an attractive Asian woman!!,Russ who had to bring Mike home.and was attacked three times on the plane by Mike, has written a letter to complain about the "mission"to the church in Birmingham which has "ordained" her as a Missionary,he had to pay for his own ticket,Mikes and the £450 taxi fare from London, nearly £1000.(she claimed there was no money to pay for the tickets back).
She has not rung Mike to see how he is, or anyone supporting her here to let them know about the progress of the mission, Andre is friendly with someone from the same church as her niece, who have been reporting that people have been saved, but she does not waste that info on the people who have supported her!!!,( Mike who has spent a fortune on petrol, taking her over all the country),every one who went there has said that nothing was set up for them to work there, Mike was just shoved into a corner, and ignored because there was no interpreter to get him involved.
I really don't care about her getting her "just deserts",although Andre does!!,the couple who are the treasurer and secretary are pulling out,because of the way the mission has been run,I knew the sort of person she was last year and told him,her morals are appalling,she flirted and got Andres feelings all stirred up, because she knew he was my friend, and i have had vile text messages with the sort of language which would embarrass a football crowd! I do sound bitter!! but only because Mike was badly treated,and would not listen to any warnings from those who really care about him.

Dreams, Nightmares,Ants and Animals.

I have started reading proverbs, every night, and was surprised to find an answer to question which was causing me to doubt,years ago i went with Sue and my children, her kids and her Parents, Barbara and Edwin to a butterfly Centre in Wales (called Pilas Palais)there was a display of Ants, and next to it was a quote from the Bible saying "look to he Ant, thou sluggard", having watched some nature Programs, i since found out all Insects are female, the males only live a short time, just to mate.So was thinking that why had the Bible not said" female?"...,How could God who created everything not known that all insects (the workers anyway) were female? The answer of course that God NEVER gets anything wrong, I did! the Ant is called HER! This makes me think of two things from C.S.Lewis Narnia children's books,In the Voyage of the Dawn Treader,they rescue a sailor who is stuck in a place where Dreams come true, "how wonderful" they all say, until someone says, "dreams,not daydreams".
Recently as i fall asleep some terrible images come to my mind,i pray repent, commands anything not of God to leave,its very disturbing, i know this is the Enemy of my Soul, trying to " get" to me,it is quite worrying that Mike is not recovering as well as usual,i have been very worried about Joe because i have not heard from him for two weeks, he finally text me so i don't have to worry about that.
The second thing from the Narnia books is in the "Last Battle" his allegory of the End days of this world,its the way that the Animals lose the ability to speak,and revert to Wildness,and it seems to me that as we get to the End Times humans are sometimes turning into Animals,Charles Darwin and His followers think we are all Animals, some T.V announcers even say now, "we and other animals"....i am thinking really about Animals that are just brought up by the Females, the males just spend their time looking for Females to Impregnate....sometimes Society seems like that to me, so many single Mums,Men who are not interested in being Fathers, and some Women who do not let Men be Fathers.... Gods plan for us is the Family, Adam and Eve,it is the basis of society.I am not condemning anyone, i chose to be a single Mum,the alternative was dangerous!

Meds, meters and ... megaphone Mike!

Where would i be without God in my life? certainly not doing well at all! i think i would be on medicine,for constant depression, because what could i have done with the things that others chose to do to me? i would never have forgiven, them! (to me it was letting them "off the hook") when really the only one who was punished was me, i was letting them control my life, i was " stuck in a moment" well more than one!....of course anger turned inside comes out as depression,and un -forgiveness is Anger, that we cant get rid of.
I am waiting for the Gas company to come and fit a meter, so i can use my newly installed heating system!..the fitter just rang and said i didn't need to wait in because the meter box is outside, i almost laughed as i feel so tired, after yesterday,i made the mistake of taking my friend Mike, to biker church,( he was going through a Bi Polar episode, he wasn't taking his medicine,i don't know if he is now.)
It was very difficult, i prayed before we went, and really did not give it enough thought,he was rude to Sandra, who is a talkative old lady, she started telling us about an old lady we both knew, and Mike says,"here we go", he had even brought ear plugs!!!!.., but didn't get them out,AND HE WAS THE ONE WHO TALKED ALL THE TIME! we even got lost on the way back" surely because i was stressed out by Him!!!...
I know God was looking after us,we were late back, i hate being late for anything, i am sure the Enemy knows that!.. so all in all it wasn't really a good experience,I am not sure what to do next time, whether to take him or not, i will have to pray,and seek Gods wisdom.
The local mental hospital has closed and a very expensive new one opened, with only 18 beds, the old one had hundreds, so of course instead of two weeks being sectioned,being made to take his medicines,now he is cared for "in the community", which actually consists of him being left to his own devices,he is losing friends,he is isolated, not monitored,the human cost is Immense,but at least money is saved by the government!!!.....

Spike,inhalers,and power cuts!

I have got a new puppy, a Yorkshire terrier,6 months old, Ben wants to call him Spike, like the dog from the Tom and Jerry cartoons, a bulldog!!, i am not quite sure its suitable for a Yorkie though, but i have run out of ideas for names as this is my 8th dog, the best name i thought of is Toto! went down hill from there! Mike and i fell out for about a week, when he objected to me telling him to take his med's, he wasn't even though the Psychiatrist told him too, he missed out on a wonderful meeting, where a Chairman of the Welsh C.M.A did his testimony,it was really inspiring!i have found out they go to church in the same welsh town where my caravan is,his wife is really nice, i would love to go and visit them. I went to the caravan last week and managed two days, i have not been going so much this year because of all the work that's been going on in the house,and last time i stayed there i forgot my inhaler, and instead of waiting and going to the doctor there, i did a stupid thing and drove back the 78 miles, i could hardly walk...very irresponsible!! It scared me a lot that i am so near to something bad happening just by forgetting something so simple,i really learnt a lesson from that, as we always do through bad things, i have to be more careful with my health, i have been in intensive care many times,in my twenties,it could so easliy happen again. It was really wonderful to be there, at the caravan,it was so peaceful somehow,we took the new car, with the new cage, and the dogs seemed happier in that,Ben was happy to go, he likes the secondhand d.v.d shop there,it was so nice, and although i am not likely to go back this year as the weather has turned cold,i will be looking forward to go there next year, i have been dreading to go, for so many months,every time i planned to go, some workman rang to say they could only come on that day, i was ill sometimes, and had biker church,once i had everything ready to go, and started to walk up the road to get the car, and was wheezy,(asthma)! so had to turn back, Ben was delighted!!. So today there are workmen outside installing my Gas supply,which i assumed would take maybe a day, its been three days! on monday they hit the main electric supply, so downed tools,at 8.p.m the electric company came out and turned off the supply for the whole street!!, only for half an hour,so i don't know when it will be finished... The good news is that Mike rang me yesterday and is his old self!! so everything is good, for me at the moment!

testimony,part 2

I was an molested, abused,unwanted child, later i became a battered wife,was raped by my husbands best friend,my Son is now mentally disabled because he saw his father try to strangle me,( this is not some wacky theory of my own, a child Pyshcologist said this). I spent my life trying to get past these Acts someone else chose to do to me,i was in Unforgiveness which was eating away at me,to my mind "forgiveness meant letting them get away with it",but they did get away with it, and despite me doing my best to bring them to justice nothing came of it!...but the Anger was still there, i was depressed, bringing up five children on my own, following every wacky theory the World came up with on child rearing!!.. My life was spiralling downward,i was not promiscuos,but like a lot of people i thought if i just found the right Husband i would be happy,i found three husbands,(not at the same time,)but no Human being could answer the questions i had, like "is this all there is",i had resigned myself to never being happy and just did the best i could to bring up my children, alone... truly alone, no husband, and NO help from anyone else, my Mum and my two youngest Grandparents, bought clothes, but the day to day care,and problems were up to me to solve alone, it was hard, i wouldn't talk to another adult for weeks,but My sons and Daughters have really turned out to be decent human beings, and i am proud of all of them,but i cant claim any credit, this happened despite me! I know it was the Lord!Praise Him. sometimes because i had to live on benefits, we ,couldn't always pay the bills, i had to make sure there was enough food,so the bills came second.I know what its like to hide from creditors, not answer to door or dread answering the phone. One day i was walking up the local main street,and i heard someone preaching and playing guitars,i stopped to listen,i went to their church, and slowly things that were said, a line from a song, struck a chord with me, i could see these people were different, full of genuine love and care,I WANTED WHAT THEY HAD!! So, i prayed one day, "God if you are real,prove it",....nothing happened, no blinding light! nothing outward, or inward for a while!!but i felt hungry for His word,i felt the need to know more about Him,looking back i know that the change had started in me, firstly was PEACE,i had never felt before,i had felt anxious all my life, especially with the responsibility of doing the right thing by my children.It was gone!! I had an assurance that my life, and my children's lives were under control, Under GOD'S CONTROL, slowly i realised i would never be alone again,'Jesus says He will NEVER LEAVE US OR FORSAKE US' i had been forsaken all my life, by humans, NEVER BY GOD! part three coming soon...

Blood of the Lamb, and the word of our Testimony.

So its done, i did my testimony, and when i have more time i will put it here,it seeme d to go really well, most of the poeple there came up to me and said they were inspired, and one guy who has been at nerly every meeting i have been to since April who has never said heelo did wich was great i was starting to worry why not!

forbodeings of doom realised......

It seems almost surreal to read the post about me being "worried about Mike",i am sorry to say my fears were justified,He's had a breakdown there,in India,and had to be brought back,everyone sees the "scam artist" for what she is, and there is no money left in the charity, so a man Called Russ had to pay for his and Mikes ticket back, and the £450, taxi fair from London Gatwick airport.Mikes friend Nicky is trying to get him admitted to hospital,so thank God he is home safely, and the Russ was there to care for him,He is a registered Mental health nurse, and was able to give Mike some medicine to calm him down on the flights back, even so Mike attacked him three times....