. Rape, the truth written, published before he dies.so I won’t be accused of lying after he has gone, when he cant defend himself)

This has been written and published before he dies, so i cant be accused of lying and not giving him a chance to defend himself.not

Becky:

As the title says this is my story, it’s not a nice story, it’s not a pleasant story,it’s not a funny story,but it is a TRUE story,it’s also story of false friends, victim blaming, but most of all it’s my story and I wish it wasn’t,... 

I wish I told it years ago, but my mum was right when a weird man followed me on the way to school,and I told the Police, She said “you won’t be believed, nothing will happen,and if it goes to court you will be branded a liar”, and although she was right it was painful and I think I felt really betrayed by her at 15.

I wanted her to say it was an outrage that this has happened to me, or she was frightened for me , but she was right, of course even now fifty years later nothing has changed for women, rather females, even a child of fifteen is seen as somehow complicit in a  twisted peverts mind 

I used to think you were my friend.but you soon turned against me ....why didn’t you come to me when the D.N.A happened and not judge me?

It started on night when Howard and Mark had gone to the football match, Mark was on an early shift so went to bed early,what was just an unfortunate misguided kiss and cuddle, Howard took too far,HE FORCED HIMSELF ON ME, I was shocked,I didnt initiate it ,and was overwhelmed and scared, he was strong  and heavy and suffocating and I was too scared and shocked to say anything ,I didn’t see him like that I thought he was a friend and I trusted him, he knew my parents who liked him ,and even watch football on TV with my dad,he was friends with my Brother for goodness sake...

 ....I thought he was just a harmless boy ... on our canal trips he said “bend over again” when I picked up something off the floor.... I laughed...just the things Men used to say sometimes USED,to say because now it’s sexual harassment, did he take my laughing as flirting,?...this happened when you weren’t near...you were my friend I liked Howard but I liked you more .I have no idea how badly he was treating you and when you said that Christmas after we had got together years later”you know what I have been through with him”I didn’t know what you meant I don’t know now...back in the 80’s after that  first initial time I didn’t let him in Again unless Mark or someone else was there ,I didn’t want to upset Mark he was having severe mental problems himself, but he soon noticed my changed attitude to Howard

Howard didn’t give up though he still came round ,with other people,once with Mike and once with Jeremy when they left he stayed ....What was I supposed to do ? With 2 year old Nathan in the room,scream shout? I didn’t want him there, he knew that...but it didn’t matter....

I was you friend, and i felt awful about what happened- i felt it was my fault for kissing him,but what it lead to i did not consent too...I soon saw the bad side of him, and was scared of him. Mark and i got back together,and i told him straight away when i knew i was pregnant, he knew there was a slight chance she wasnt his,he had been with someone else, and if it had been a woman he could have got her pregnant too

Naughty not Nice

I have been very naughty and have not been reading my Bible for a while now,which is wrong because i am not allowing God to speak to me thorough the Holy Spirit..I have probably written this before but i read a book by the excellent Rebecca Brown, and she says it is a sin not to spend time reading the Bible every day, (to be fair she also said that not just spending time worshiping and being still in his presence is a sin too!)
So as always when i did read it last night, a phrase jumped out at me, one i have read many times before but my mind had been dwelling on how the Lord has brought me into a new life, it was Jesus own words where He say " i have come to heal the broken-hearted" WOW!! that's what he did for me, which i wish i had included in my Testimony! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU Lord!
Of course all beaten women are broken hearted, for the lie that was promised to them, the lie of a good life with a Good Man,, violent Abusers are NOT good men obviously!!, and of course it takes a while for their true nature to come out, we fall in love with the lie they are projecting. It is fascinating why they hide their true natures..Its almost like they have made a list of what women will need, and are ticking off the boxes!!
One very interesting blog says that when we make abusers leave they demand a list of what to do to be accepted back!..but of course its a trap and once back their nature re-asserts itself, it was "Cry for justice" I have written a post about the devastation i experienced when Howard's mask slipped, and he showed he had not changed), "the weight that dragged my heart down,that took me where i needed to be" 26/10/2014 is the blog post