Salvation, Anxiety and Bi polar!

Well it’s been a rollercoaster of a week and I have been going from extreme lows to extreme highs, and if it wasn’t for the fact that Joe has come to the Lord, and said he is going to come to church with me, I would be worried about myself because I have a friend Mike who has bipolar and he goes from lows to highs within seconds. God is good all the time, I went to church last Sunday and afterwards I was talking to a lady called Ruth, and she was talking about her grandson coming to the Lord, I think I just remembered I did share this in my last post so I hope Joe can come on Sunday morning he does work from four 4 AM to 8 a.m. so he may not be up to going to church at 10:30 when I was there I also spoke to the Worship leaders and said that I can sing,only two of them do it regularly and they said they would phone me but I haven’t heard anything yet but I’m not worried because if its Gods will and I do this then it’ll happen,well I know that’s a simplistic way of thinking about it the enemy could be trying to sabotage something that God wants, I have a simple Faith..I’m just a mother who wants my children to be saved and I felt there was a slight nudge to speak to the Worship leaders!
 I don’t know if I can even sing well but I do enjoy singing and I do enjoy praising the Lord so maybe that’s enough ? It will certainly be a joyful noise! I have started to think that I have anxiety as in the mental disorder, Ben has been diagnosed with it and since he’s been having the medicine he’s been a lot better, also He has been talking to me which suppose is unusual for people who don’t have an autistic family member but then it is quite unusual, and I know in the past when I’ve taken steps to be closer to God and just done what he wants me to do,( Bible study and prayer Ben has taken a leap  forward,I said something to me other day about why did you put the tray away, and because he was concentrating on something else he just looked at me and said oh the tray no that sounds such a little thing,a totally normal reaction anybody would say, and it is and Ben has autism so he doesn’t have normal reactions ! (whatever normal is)! For him to come out with it without thinking without worrying about saying it is an amazing thing, we had a conversation the other day and he said to me “I’m smart “and I said “yes of course you’re smart,The autistic only stops you from talking to people it doesn’t mean you’re not clever or smart “and he seem to accept that so that’s the rollercoaster of a week! It has been hard been hard to keep up,! the Holy spirit starts working in our lives and it’s like we are on a rollercoaster and whole world is going past in a blur,I’m going from one minute of crying to the next minute feeling like I’ve got the best life in the world!...and I have got the best life in the world because Jesus is in it and He died to save me .God is Good , ALL THE  TIME.

Fat and Jolly...yeah me!

I just saw a very happy jolly large lady on t.v,Alison Hammond, and I was thinking how lovely and cheerful she is, and somehow it’s easier to be seen as acceptable’ by society to be Jolly , if we are fat! She was able to flirt and Charm Rob Lowe,I wish I could be like that, and I am sometimes! On Monday I had to have my yearly Asthma check up, and I smiled all the time,and the usually miserable Nurse smiled too..and didn’t look me up and down,the way she usually does! In the way some people do when they think we don’t see it.I did have a bad day on Tuesday..I let the Enemy in,I went to Church,on Sunday,without planning it like I usually do,therefore giving the Enemy the chance to stop me!
I felt the nudge to talk to the Worship leaders,about which I should have done months ago,and I was telling a lovely older
Lady, Ruth about how Joe has come to the Lord,and how I felt he needed to come to Church,she was talking about her Grandson who has always rejected his families Faith, he bought her a Bible because he noticed hers was falling apart, and has bought and shared many Christian books, so he is on the way too!,Praise the Lord!
I went home and Joe came round later and said, “Mum, I think Godis telling me I need to go to Church, and take the Kids!

Actions speak louder than words.

It’s obvious really, apparently Abraham Lincoln, an American President said it,sometimes I talk to People on the Internet,usually Quora, so many abuse victims believe what the abuser say, rather than their actions, they say ‘I love you’but The next day they are beating you, trying to kill you,strangle,kick us, why do we believe it...how can there be such a distance between our perceptions of the action and the words...why didn’t it immediately jump into my mind?..maybe growing up with a very strict father,and a Mum who seemed constantly stressed...and mostly never stood up for us when he was unfairly strict,I defended my kids from being hit,Jon knew that was the line he should never cross, I make decisions for my life, they don’t...but maybe in a way I controlled the relationship by setting those boundaries...?
Another thing I have noticed on Quora anyway,that most of the abused are thrown away,when the Abuser finds someone else,but that never happened to me, I alway made them leave,I find comfort in that, but then again that could be a trap of the Enemy,trying to make me prideful?

Driving 240 miles in 27 hours.

A busy weekend....that is an understatement!!!!..its helped me to come to some decisions which have been hanging over me for several months..about where as a christian i should be putting money..I had expected it to be going for one thing, when in fact it has been going to support someone who i feel, (and have proof) has not been treating others as Christ expects, in fact has been Shielding an abuser from the consequences of their actions,allowing the abuse to continue, shunning the Victim, and denying them Justice.This is Completely Un-biblical, (which i have heard myself said to the person shielding the Abuser).
The Shielder was and still is in a position of Power, over the Abusive Person,and could have stopped the Abuse but chose not too..
Yes i am judging, setting myself up as a Judge over someone else..but i am responsible to The Lord for my own actions,i WON'T aid an Abuser in any way.
I have seen those who have exposed the Abuser discredited,(again said in my presence),so i know i take that risk.The Bible says that "Evil abounds where good men stay silent"..

No response INFURIATING for Abusers!

Well here I am back on the blog after a week of trying to get back on, I was blaming google but as usual I think it was me! Of course I could use the excuse that I was not brought up with computers, like my kids, who had them at school...but it’s probably because I was impatient and didn’t read the instructions properly... I have been researching a statement by a man who sent threatening, sexual rape threats to his wife’s co worker...his most telling comment was that “I wanted to frighten her, and it was frustrating that she was not replying to the messages and I didn’t know how she was reacting to them” he said this to the Police,he was Angry because she had been in his words “not pulling her weight at work” .At the trial the court was told, she had collapsed at work, and then only had TWO days off work, before he started sending the threatening sexual text messages.

That was the year that was...Annus Horribilis

We just had our A.G.M, where is was elected Secretary again, Di the chairman gave her yearly report and said’ that was the year that was, and I never want to have one like it’... I feel the same,about C.M.A, and because of what Joe has been through...so when I saw I have only posted 6 times in the last year, I was not surprised...for a long time I couldn’t talk about anything personal because it was so upsetting...I felt that tears were just under the surface and not much would start them off...
So I guess that is why I was having chest pains, and I went to hospital, my heart is fine,they did all the tests,E.C.G and blood,I have spinal problems, and my whole rib cage has been hurting in different places for about two weeks so I will have to get that checked out...I am feeling much more positive yesterday and today,I KNOW that being close to God, praying and worshipping makes me feel better... but do I do it..NO! He forgives and is always there when I need Him, my whole being is wrapped up in Him, His ‘Rod and His staff do comfort me’i have been feeling Empty, before I knew He was always there, so I didn’t always go to Him when I had need,I felt I could do it myself, I had too many years of only having myself to depend on...but HE was always there, and has even shown me he was...When He was taking me through some of the worst memories of Abuse, so it could be dealt with, He showed me He was always there, with me and I was not there alone...He is there like that for us all, we are all His Children, I am nothing special..the Bible says ‘He is no respecter of persons’which I believe means we are all equal in His eyes, the Top Church guys are the same as the Homeless Man begging for Change..

A Trap for the Enemy,or the Enemies Trap?

I have been researching some of the Enemies devices recently...it started with finding out about local legends of the servants of the enemy,A mermaid at a pool a few miles away, a gnomes home under a Hill,I felt it was what the Lord wanted me to do,but thinking back it started with a peculiar hill at the edge of a field, which sometimes I drive past,it’s only very small,maybe30-40 feet high, and 20 feet wide,I don’t know if it’s solid rock, but maybe it must be because why hasn’t the owner flattened it? I can see it’s just a small mound, but it also looks, with ‘spiritual’ eyes like a sort of door way with turrets round,and battlements, very much like a miniature medieval castle..these images super impose themselves at the same time...and I get a warning just before we pass it every time...that it’s coming up, it’s strange because there is no where to stop near it,and the road is angled so I have to drive past quite fast, so are literally just getting one glimpse...just before we pass it I get a warning in my spirit that’s it’s coming up This is a new revelation to me, yes I can and have seen many things ‘in the spirit’but to be shown the hidden houses of the Enemy is a new puzzle to me,!
I know that he and his servants have rights over certain areas,that they have their designated areas,the Bible talks about an Angel being held back by a Prince of that territory...